It just keeps getting better...
 

My daugther's AXBF/"father"-of-her-child shows up at the house yesterday and needs to talk to her about something. Turns out, his VERY ENABLING father sent him a check for $1,000 and has paid his rent (again!). Of course, this money is a loan (HA!) and AXF is supposed to make 20 monthly payments on it starting January 1, 2014. (HA! HA!) What in AXF's history has proven he will make even one payment???? :headbange

Anyway, he wants to put the check in her account (he doesn't have one) and when it clears he'll have her transfer over to the new account he is going to open next week. Oh, and by the way, can she go ahead and get out $300 of it now so he can get his car repaired (on a Sunday in a snow/ice storm). She calls his dad and verifies that the check is legit and agrees to put it in her account. So, off he goes with $300 not to be heard from again until this morning. He comes by her work...and is high as a kite (!)... will she get $500 of it out at the ATM so he can go open his checking account? She says, that the check hasn't cleared yet so all the money is not in her account. He says, well can you just loan it to me out of your money until the check clears? She says no. He leaves, mad. And then the hateful texts begin. It's always crazy to me how it can go from so much "love" to so much hate.

We are really trying to get to a place where we recognize him for what he is, set boundaries, have no expectations, and not get so angry. Some days are better than others...

Is there a reason why she is helping him by putting the money in her account to await clearance?

Unless its some benefit to her....I don't see the point. Perhaps she is getting some sort of child support from him?

It's so hard not to do the simple things for the addicts in our lives.... but it ends up being so complicated.

I think you are right...expect nothing and set your boundaries.

He doesn't pay any child support or spend any money for the needs of his child. It went into her account because he needed cash immediately and since it was a Sunday, there wasn't anywhere to cash it. He was showing her she could trust him because a) he told her about the $ from his Dad (in the past he hasn't) and b) she has complete control over the $ since it's in her account. She's the crazy one, though, since he doesn't have a drug problem.

You're right...simple things become so complicated.

I see....it is part of the manipulative nature of addiction. "You see...how I can be trusted when I tell you about the money that I have.....now can we put it in your account. I need it now!" If he had another way to cash it...he would have I suspect.

The active addict makes you feel crazy even though you are the lone wolf of sanity.

Helping him obtain money, in any way, is just fueling his addiction.

If there is no benefit to your daughter or grandchild by helping him...then I would stay away from all transactions and contact.

So sorry your family is going through this....

Well, hopefully your daughter will get to a place where interactions like you describe above are minimized. It's frustrating outside looking in, of course, but what can you do?

ZoSo