Angelscry

I have not posted in a while, the last time I posted it was to say that my AH and I are separated at the moment and that I was finding it hard to get along on my own. Well it’s been 3 months and he is still drinking and using Meth. He had a sober period here and there but to me that doesn’t really count as sobriety. I let him meet us at the park so that he could spend time with the kids and he was sober.

After that the crazy text messages started and he started blaming me for everything that went wrong in his life, he got a protection order against me because I am violent and I abuse him verbally and emotionally and I apparently also abuse our kids WTF? Any way we are due to appear in court on the 27 of December so as to decide whether they will grant him an interdict against me. What he forgot to mention was that he was high when he wrote it and that he is actually the abusive one. Because he is still doing drugs and drinking I have decided not to let him have the kids over for visits and he is not to visit our home either for fear that he will take my stuff. He lives with his drinking buddy Dad and he wants to have my son over for a visit for a week and then also for a 2 day camping trip. I did not agree with this I mean who will trust a drunk and meth addict to take care of a child? I know it does not sound fair towards my AH or my son at the moment but I am just trying to protect my son. He tells our son all sorts of crazy stuff about me and my son gets so confused that’s why I don’t want him to spend time alone with the kids. Because he confuses my child. In the interdict application he wrote that I kick and slap my son around and I do not do that now he is going to court to try and get visitation rights and I am so scared. I wont be able to rest knowing that my son is with a Meth addict . He will not hurt the children but then again with a delusional Meth addict you can never be sure. He does not have a job lives with his pensioner dad how will they be able to take care of my son? What if they are drunk and my son gets sick will they know how to care for him? I just won’t allow him to go with his dad, I won’t.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and how can I prevent him from having the kids for the holidays? I don’t mind him seeing them but it must be supervised visitation with myself or another sane adult present. I even sensor their phonecalls cause AH discusses our issues with a 8 year old? And that confuses my son. I feel so powerless I don’t know what to do and if the court decides that my son can spend holidays at his dad’s then what do I do how do I ensure my sons safety. It’s my word against his he is a con artist and good at playing on people’s feelings and getting people on his side.

tootsl1

I'm no expert, but is there any way your solicitor can make it a condition, that he prove he is in a program and get regular tests to show he is clean? I hope things work out for you.

KeepinItReal

You can try calling CPS and explaining your situation. Make sure you have no drugs in your system as they will test you as well. You can also try talking to a domestic abuse counselor. Explain to them what is going on and how your scared of potential emotional abuse or neglect on the father... possibly him driving drunk or high with your kids in a car.

Reach out and see what local resources they have at the dept. of social service. Get pro-active about this. He's obviously lying and playing dirty. This will drag the kids through court!

Many manipulative men get away with getting custody because the mom refuses to play hardball. He's not putting YOUR feelings first. He's not putting your kids best interest at heart continuing to abuse drugs and rationalize it.

Please do not feel bad for having to drag him through HELL. Make him sorry he ever F*&** with you. I would.

Sorry you have to go through this.

needingabreak

I think you need to get out there and find any way possible to show he is abusing drugs and not safe, especially driving them anywhere. he may not touch the kids physically but how about if they are with him and he OD's? Drives erratically and kills them in an accident. This is serious stuff and his drug abuse needs to be put out there. have you discussed his drug abuse with your son to explain what is going on? I wouldn't say anything mean or derogatory because he is still his father but you could explain why he is saying the things he does. "Daddy has a problem and he needs to get help." I would contact your lawyer and any other program that will help you in keeping your son safe. Do not ever trust a court system to work!

hooklinensinker

Angelscry

My heart ache listening to your story....it's very similar to mine. My STBXH constantly involves my 15 yo son in our problems, he's being doing this since he was a child and now it's hit the wall. My son hates and detests me. He yells at me and disrespects me just like dad does. I'm ashamed that I turned a blind eye to it hoping it would go away and now, The relationship between my son and I is nonexistent. Stand your ground regarding your kids. You're on point...fight for it and k ow that everything you do will turn out in your favor because its for the health and safety of your kids. You have every right to be concerned for them.

Just a quick example of STBXH's child care fiascos:

The first time we separated my son stayed with his dad...I didn't this against my better judgement and I paid for it. My STBXH's swore up and down he was not using until he went on a binge and ended up hallucinating ppl were chasing him, broke into someone's home, them into a business and eventually was captured by police. He was transferred to the ER because he was foaming at the mouth!!! I was informed of this about an hr after it had incurred. I was terrified, where was my son? Did he hurt him??? My son was safe and sound at his grandparents but for a split second I thought he could've been dead.

Moral of the story. Say what u want, do what u want...but my kids are off limits. I've filed for divorce and have requested primary custody. He will be allowed visitation but be required to test first.

I've been so codependent and just plain out of it that I put this man above all and all the while, my most previous gifts have been in danger. NEVER AGAIN!

zoso77

Have you spoken with your local police at all?

KeepinItReal

In my state they(the police) advised me that if the court awarded visitation I was able to get CPS involved. They would show up within the hour and test him on the spot during the visitation. If found dirty they would end the visit and bring my children back to me (or I could pick them up).

KeepinItReal

Also, I would like to add that I know from friends that the abused womens shelter isn't only for physically abused women. They also help women that have endured verbal abuse and deal with the issues you are left with. You will not be turned away because it's "only" verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is abuse and there is help out there from people who understand what you and your kids are enduring. Good luck to you.

Txhelp

I can only imagine your frustration and anger!

I am not sure if you have an attorney but I am wondering if there can be some sort of stipulation, of the court, that mandates that each parent do not speak of the other parent in negative language. Of course, it cant be monitored strictly. Of course his addiction and perhaps testing should be suggested in some way.

It's so frustrating to have to prove that you are the sane one!

Angelscry

Thank you all for the advice and support. I just spoke to Child Welfare Services as its known in our country. And the social worker assured me that my Husband cannot just come and take my children. And she said that the court will not just make a decision upon what he is saying rather they will appoint a court appointed mediator that will help us to reach an agreement that is to the best interest of the children and they will also send out a social worker to investigate the claims that he raised against me and also the reasons why I'm saying that he is not a fit parent. What a relieve I was so concerned she said that he does have a right to see his children and I told her that I will allow them to see their dad but I must be present to supervise the visit. I also told her I do allow the children to phone their dad and she said that I was doing the right thing.

chickaree777

Angelscry, I didn't read all the responses yet, but wanted to just chime in---- I am in an almost identical situation.

My meth addict husband has become so crazy and wild with anger over not seeing our son (8 yrs old) that I actually hired a lawyer, which I had not planned on doing. I am filing for full custody and it will force him to be drug tested. I never thought I would do that, but when it comes right down to it, we have to protect our kids.

I have been in the same boat. I have not allowed our son to go spend the night with him because I do not trust what meth does to people. I know the healthy man inside my husband would not hurt our son, but I have seen him tweaked out like a mad man and he say awful things, breaks things. Why would I allow my son to be around that? He's living with his parents right now who just turn a blind eye to all of it and I have been made out to be the bad guy. I cannot wait until this situation is somewhat resolved.

I wish the same for you. Do what you have to do to protect your kids. We should keep in touch...