SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

As we speak, I am sitting in front of a glorious fire, I built from scratch on this bitter cold winter day. Not long ago, I would have gone out and bought an easy start fire log and called it good. Those do not put off that much warmth but just having the illusion of a fire was better than nothing.

I have been collecting firewood to get ready for winter so I can leave my heat off as much as possible and because I like fire. I even bought a hatchet. Then I looked around for my AXBF and ghosts of XBFs past to chop this wood and build me a fire.

Once I realized this fire was not going to build itself, I bundled up, went outside, and chopped away (major stress relief). I had this beautiful pile of kindling before my eyes and before I knew it the fire in my fireplace was raging with the help of some matches and junk mail.

Just as I sat down to enjoy my fire and get lost in my writing, the fire was down to just a glimmer. Part of me was like oh forget it, I will just let it burn out. And there it was, my recovery was staring right back at me. I have to maintain this fire if I want to stay warm. This is the law of nature.

While it sure would be nice to have someone build me a fire and keep me warm, I needed to do this for myself. I know how to build a fire. And I know how to maintain it. And I can put it out when I want to. But it needs me. I need me. I could be sitting here freezing and hiding under a blanket or I could just be warm at the push of a button. But today, I built a fire with the help of the ghosts of lessons past. I better get back to it, or my fire just might burn out.

As this fire roars, I watch as the flames consume the wood knowing at some point, I will walk away from this fire and let it turn to ashes. And then I will have to start all over taking the lessons (hopefully) of how I can do it better or different next time. And to find the balance between gathering, building, maintaining, and letting go. The ashes and smoke are like memories. The fire represents the new life I am creating.

There is a fundamental truth I learned today (besides that closing the screen in front of your fireplace is a really good idea)- I am going to be just fine. And maybe someday, someone will come a long and throw some kindling on the fire. But until that day and whether or not that day ever comes, I will happily share when I am ready but also fight to protect what I have built.

I am resisting the urge to post a disclaimer about safety precautions of building a fire. But chopping wood is no joke! Don't play with fire! And don't leave a fire unattended- or your recovery. And I highly recommend you start fires in your heart and put out the fires in your mind.

Happy Holidays Everyone... From my fireplace to yours!
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