jacrazz

My son is in rehab and has been doing remarkably well, gathering from his disposition during our phone conversations. My dilema is that there was a tragic event that happened in the family recently.....our beloved family pet was killed by a car last week. She was with us for 10 years and this is a devestating loss for everybody, especially my 81 year old mother who doted on Rosie and was her companion. Here's the problem......I don't know how to break it to my son. He will not take the news well. I called his clinician and she said he in the best place possible and will have much support. My fear is that he will want to come home because his "grandma" needs him. My mom is leaving the country for a much needed vacation to spend time with her twin sister and she requested that I wait until she leaves to tell him. Thoughts?

lizwig

Ahhh....family pets....the unconditional love they give us cannot be surpassed. Is there any opportunity to tell him in a letter? To let him know his grandma is away visiting with family and how oftentimes the need for support comes further down the road? The best gift he could give his grandma is his continued focus on his sobriety...the best gift he can give himself. I agree with his counselor, he is in the best spot for support. These events are life on life's terms. It may be a good learning opportunity for him. Maybe you could include a blank sympathy card with the address of where his grandma is visiting so he can mail it to her....just a thought.

hopeful4

Don't give him the choice to come home. I agree, he is in the best place to handle grief. I keep telling my AH that life will continue to have very tough times and that in working on recovery those are one of the things you have to learn to deal with, grief.

I am sorry for the loss of your pet, it is hard. They become a part of your family.

Hugs....

Chino

The day before my RAD's first detox, she was partying "one last time" with her friends. She and I got on a plane the very next day to head to detox. The day after detox, I found out one of her friends OD'd from that night of partying.

The therapist said the same thing, "this is the best place for her to find out."

She dealt with it clean and sober, and I honestly believe his death taught her that she could. She's dealt with more and worse since then, too.

jacrazz

I broke down and told my kid when he called tonight. He cried and cried...and I also cried and cried. Wow, still crying. I loved my doggie but I'm hurting worse for my kid and my mom, who really adored that dog.....

BoxinRotz

I'm so sorry you and your family lost your fur baby to an accident. I know I would be devastated if I lost one of my fur babies to a car accident. My husband and I imagine them as the kids we didn't have. We love them, care for them, feed them and provide medical to them. The love runs deep. Please accept my deepest sympathies on your family's loss.

Ann

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear dog, I know my heart broke when my cat died after 17 years.

I am glad you shared this with your son, he is in a place of support and it's not up to anyone to shelter him from life's reality, no matter how sad or harsh. That is what recovery is all about, dealing with life on life's terms.

I am sorry for the sadness you all feel, and hope your son is able to grieve in a healthy way rather than bury the pain with drugs. What a wonderful lesson in survival this is for him, even though the reason is sad.

Hugs to all of you. Sometimes life just hurts.

jacrazz

Thank you all for your kind words. I still want to protect him from pain. He is 21 and his entire life mommy has been there to clean up. I won't say I won't keep doing it....he is m only child who I live for. I'm learning healthier boundaries but I still have weak spot! I'm thankful for SR. You wonderful people have given me strength!

Jend719

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry for the loss of Rosie. My doberman,Zeus (profile pic) is my baby. I have 3 dogs but he is such a companion and has really helped me through this addiction ordeal with my AS and my AD. They love so unconditionally and sense when we are down and need comfort. It truly is losing a member of the family. I wholeheartedly agree that your son is in the best place to deal with his emotions and grief. He is around people who have the proper training to guide him through his emotions.

Chino..that is a heartbreaking story about your daughter and her friend. That must have been (hopefully) a real wake up call for her.

needingabreak

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dog.i understand completely. Mine was hit by a car and killed on Christmas Eve one year. We found out one hour before a house full of people were to arrive. My kids were devastated. It is so heart breaking to lose a pet. I think you did the right thing by telling him where he can get any counseling he needs. Hugs.