hopeful4

Overit...I am glad you are feeling better! Thank you for sharing your journey. Sometimes when we go through a difficult time we have no idea how our story can completely help heal another person.

Good for you. Hugs!

overit263

I have to remind myself that I've dealt with over a year of lies, hospitals, rehab and it's really draining. I've been so tough for the past year that it finally caught up with me. He put me through so much and when you're in it you don't realize how much it all is. Good thing is that all the weight I had gained from being miserable with him is almost all gone! Thanks everyone. I know everyone has a tough time with addiction but I have a really hard time with forgiving too much. Nothing is going to change that he's a bipolar addict. I do love him and I don't want anything horrible to happen to him, I'm just mad that he did all that he did to me and never felt consequences. I can't make him care about anything but I do feel sad for him that this is the path he chose.

hopeful4

I totally know how this feels. I am past the anger alot of the time but it does creep in now and then. That being said...I have come to feel alot more sad than anything else because this is HIS path and HIS choices. Even once we realize we cannot control it it does not make it any happier to see someone you care about go down a road to ruin.

However...you are working on you! You have progressed! You have lost the weight you have wanted to lose! You are progressing by leaps and bounds my friend...good for you!

needingabreak

Overit see, you do have something positive going on! Congratulations on the weight loss. You may have lost it due to much stress but the result is a good one. Hearing both you and Hopeful talk about the anger and sadness you feel over the addicts in your life taking their own path and not the path that is best for them really resonates with me. It is what we are going through now with my AS and boy is there lots of hurt and some anger too. You seem to at least be very aware of what you can control and what you can't and even though it is sad that he cannot take responsibility for his actions and apologize, it sounds to me like you are accepting this and realizing you cannot make him feel a certain way, no matter how much you want him to.

overit263

I was eating horrible for the past year because I was so miserable with him. I thought it was depression he was going through because he is bipolar as well as an addict, and nothing was missing. For whatever reason I figured that he caused so much damage with my whole family the first time, that he wouldn't do that again....uhm duh, the need to do drugs is stronger than doing right...but I wanted to trust him and I just shouldn't have.

I'm sorry about your son, I started feeling like my husband was my child for the past year, he totally changed the dynamic of our relationship- no intimacy etc. for over a year and I wasn't trusting him so I didn't want to be intimate either. I knew it was going to end because I was so miserable, I just wasn't sure how exactly.

I don't even want an apology from him. I went through the tons of cards and notes I have from him and they were all lies, so anything out of his mouth would be meaningless anyway. Nothing he could say or do right now would make me feel any better, I'm the only one that can make myself feel better.

needingabreak

Absolutely! I learned this a couple years ago (at the wonderful age of 47) that we have to be happy inside, happy with ourselves and how we are living our own lives. Sure there are many outside influences that affect us but we are always in control of what we allow and what we will do or wont do for someone. Believe it or not I had to have a counselor tell me that, like I needed that permission. It was like a lightbulb went off. I agree that any apology would probably be meaningless as you would just take it as typical BS from him. It can get to that point and maybe that is a good thing. if it doesn't matter, it cannot affect you negatively. It is sad how much the addiction changes things. I had a good talk with my son today. He says he is not struggling with the addiction but other things like his relationship with his gf. He is trying to live a new life without drugs so of course everything looks different now. It is hard for us to "get it" if we have never been addicts ourselves. I wish you much peace today Overit!