overit263

Is anyone else going through a divorce from an addict? I know mine can't be clean because he isn't accepting any responsibility, and is making everything with the divorce harder than it should be. Just wondering if anyone else had this much of a headache going through the divorce? I was hoping (silly me) that this would be a quicker process.

cynical one

12 Steps to Divorcing a Drug Addict

overit263

It looks like I've worked the 12 steps already! The irritating thing with the addict is not taking responsibility. This is just taking longer than I would like and I would like every tie to be cut already.

Sara21

Hi overit,
I am also going through a divorce with an addict. The reason I filed for divorce was because he was using and not working any recovery program whatsoever. He seemed content to just continue using.

When he first moved out, in his eyes I was the bad guy. He was very angry and we didn't have any contact for several weeks. When he left he told me he wasn't going to fight me over the house or money (we have no kids). A few months later he threatened to get his own attorney and fight me for our home, the home I purchased years before we got married (the home I was paying the bills on, including the mortgage because his money was going to his addiction). Eventually he changed his mind, but not before putting me through a lot of stress. Even his texts were very contradictory, sometimes he said he was sorry and that he loved me, other times he blamed me and told me he hated me.

Is it stressful? Yes, but it was more stressful living with him and his drug use. Hang in there, stand your ground, and remember that sometimes there is just no reasoning with an addict. Hope things get better and work out for you.

Hugs

overit263

No kids here either thankfully! Mine went to rehab, I even drove him there, but then he got angry because I told him he needed to do it on his own and didn't come to visit at all...we had been through this before and I learned my lesson. Mine did the same, bluffed that he was getting an attorney etc. even though he quit a great job and moved many states away. thankfully. I can tell mine started using when he got out because of his communications to me, but it is way better than still being with him. I'm just annoyed that they have the nerve to make things hard through the divorce process, when they had already made life pretty miserable to the point of us filing for divorce.

I am very happy to be getting the divorce, I just wish it would happen already!

story74

I was divorced within 2.5 months, but only because he defaulted. After he defaulted I had to deal with him for about 8 months...and he was super difficult. He was angry, always evasive, I couldn't count on him for anything and he was so hurtful and inconsiderate. It was all about him and I was the evil monster. If he didn't get his way he threw a tantrum. There was no accepting of responsibility and no admitting he even had a very obvious drug addiction. It was pure hell. Then, he disappeared. Dealing with any addict in any situation is difficult. Very.

overit263

Ugh, I don't know what mines going to do when he gets served. He's already made things hard enough but I just want this to be over with. Thanks for sharing!

blueholly

overit,
OMG I am so there. I offered mine a sweet deal basically he get everything but the kids. And he won't take it but he says he doesn't want the kids. And the judge gave him visitation un supervised. Even though he sat on the stand and admitted to using meth. Its a nightmare.... I just sent my kids with him to drive to his house 4 hours away at 10 tonight. It sucks. It is way worse than a regular divorce. Been there. At least you can reason with someone in there right mind. But there is no reasoning with him.... There is no ryme or reason. we have been to court 4 times in 7 months and gotten not where. He won't do what he is ordered so the judge just keeps making another court date.... I am going nuts. I feel for you.....I just want it over to but, that is so hard when you can't get them to sane long enough to get it done.....
I keep waiting for him to disappear like story's
but.... my worst day here is still better than my best day there....

overit263

Thanks blueholly! I have nothing to offer to AXH, and I'm already working on all the debt as much as I can, because all I can do is assume he won't take care of anything, even if court ordered. What I don't understand is how any judge could give any unsupervised visits with an active addict/alcoholic??? I'm so sorry that you're going through this too. I don't have the kids to worry about, property etc, just the debt he's left me in. I've gotten to the sad point of thinking ...oh well, if he OD's and dies then at least social security will take care of some of the debt...I hate thinking like that, but he's screwed me over so much that I can't help myself.

blueholly

overit,
It is unfortunate that in situations like ours you think about death ect. I have long thought about what mess I could be left with if he od's before our divorce. Or if he is caught dealing out of the business. what legal problems we would have to contend with. We use to have a booming business. But now there is nothing really left and, the debt is piling up. It is amazing what this judge is doing. He is not making him accountable for ANYTHING! My attorney filed papers back in sept. so we could see the books for the business and the assets and debt. He showed up in court in oct. and had nothing. So the judge just set another court date. It is truly ridiculous....

overit263

Sorry that you are in the same boat. The debt is killing me, even though I know it could be worse, but since he left me without insurance I'm going to have to pay for that on a low income. My issue is that before our last move, I had been in the same career field for almost 15 years, and there weren't a lot of jobs in my field here. I got an offer for one, and he talked me out of it telling me to take a break. I have ALWAYS had enough salary, benefits and everything else, and my dumb ass took a lesser paying job without benefits because I made the mistake of listening to him. Now I owe a ton in student loans that I co signed for him for. It's making me so mad with the holidays coming and when anyone says "it's just not fair, you don't deserve this".

I hope I get to go to court soon. My friend that's going through a divorce has already had several court dates with no progress and I'm so worried that's going to happen to me. I'm also worried that for whatever reason he'll be able to take more from me, even though he's stolen anything of mine of value etc.

Thanks for posting, it helps to not be the only one terribly annoyed with this process!!!

Ilovegod

I am not the addict but he is the one filing. I have short term memory problems so I need ALL the help I can get. He graduates from rehab on Wed. Any advice would be greatly appreciated??

hopeful4

Sadly, this is quite common. Expect the worst. Hope for the best.

Having an addict admit to anything and own up responsibility is like telling them to hand you the moon in my opinion.

Keep working through it a day at a time and try to not get overwhelmed.

Hugs....