Should I ask him to push himself ?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
You are very right on getting dragged emotionally. There is this saying "let go or get dragged." When you are a caring person...you want to help and protect. As grown people there is only so much we can do.
He has been given the tools. He knows what to do. PAWS is a part of recovery for most. There is such pressure in recovery for the addict and family.
He has been given the tools. He knows what to do. PAWS is a part of recovery for most. There is such pressure in recovery for the addict and family.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
Family get together's are HUGE triggers. It's not personal... but I find that I was strong enough to opt out of my families get together this year because it was going to be busy... and a lot of people who are very judgmental. I was proud of that decision. I know they would have like to see us... but, we have to take care of ourselves and not worry about hurting other peoples feelings.
Even going to his parents house was somewhat triggering... because of the other users in the house. Hiding in their rooms. But all in all.. it wasn't too bad.
Holidays bring up a lot of pain, anger and "stuff" for many. I find myself always trying to numb harder during the holidays. Now it's food instead of drugs. However, i'm trying to change that. Recognizing the problem is half the battle. I also do not drink... especially the holidays bc I always will find myself drunk. Yeah.. not okay.
Good luck! I'm happy he's going to the dr. and he's doing something about it. My ah also gets anxiety in certain stores and waits in the car. The less stressful a situation the better. I would opt not to do that again at his mothers.... no matter if it hurts them or not. They need to understand.
Even going to his parents house was somewhat triggering... because of the other users in the house. Hiding in their rooms. But all in all.. it wasn't too bad.
Holidays bring up a lot of pain, anger and "stuff" for many. I find myself always trying to numb harder during the holidays. Now it's food instead of drugs. However, i'm trying to change that. Recognizing the problem is half the battle. I also do not drink... especially the holidays bc I always will find myself drunk. Yeah.. not okay.
Good luck! I'm happy he's going to the dr. and he's doing something about it. My ah also gets anxiety in certain stores and waits in the car. The less stressful a situation the better. I would opt not to do that again at his mothers.... no matter if it hurts them or not. They need to understand.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I hear you BC. I dont talk w my ah about his addiction much because its bad for me and i dont understand it. That being said, thats why they need to be working a program, so they have someone besides you to talk to. I hope you are getting help for your codependency as you are very tied up in his recovery and it will wear you out quite quickly. I mean no disrespect, just worried about you in all of this.
Blessings!
Blessings!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
It helps to be able to get others opinions on some of this stuff. I still dont know why his mom didnt realize having all those people there might make us both uncomfortable with all the probing questions. Im happy it is over and maybe in time all the big to-do will die down and they will lose interest? I doubt it since people love to gossip especially when someone is down.
He went to the counseling Dr twice this week and made him feel better. The doctor told him it was paws signs and he needs to realize it will go on for a while and remember to always take care of his emotional needs. He said my husband did everything right! When it got to a point he was feeling uncomfortable then he came to me and said he needed to leave soon instead of trying to stay a long time and fight through it. He also said if his body and mind felt exhausted then he did the right thing in resting because he needs to listen to what his body is telling him. On Sunday we had a long talk about feelings and emotions (both of us shared) and the doctor told him it was very good he did that because again he holds too much in, and knowing he feels safe with me and can trust me with his emotions is a good thing. And he made another good choice when he called him (the counselor doctor) because he knew something was off and he reached out for help. Its only going to be the first of a lot of situations and feelings he has to work through but I think he got good marks for his choices this time, and Im proud of him.
Im trying to take in a lot of what you say and at least keep it for the future. Right now I dont feel like Im too involved or getting into any unhealthy patterns with my husband. I can understand and relate to what he shares with me because it is normal husband and wife things. We dont get into much talk about drugs, or the things that he learned in rehab and how he applies them or anything like that. I think those are better things for him to talk to with his doctor because I dont know about that stuff. I will try to keep a close eye on it and make sure I dont get things all out of whack but I have always had a close relationship with him and I dont want that to ever change.
Im feeling good today, we are going to be leaving for our trip later, may be a couple days before I am back here but since I wont have any family or close friends near me, I may need all of you even more, and I know you will be here so THANK YOU again. Ok truth Im feeling excited and happy but also a little nervous and anxious to be all alone far away in case something goes wrong with his recovery.
He went to the counseling Dr twice this week and made him feel better. The doctor told him it was paws signs and he needs to realize it will go on for a while and remember to always take care of his emotional needs. He said my husband did everything right! When it got to a point he was feeling uncomfortable then he came to me and said he needed to leave soon instead of trying to stay a long time and fight through it. He also said if his body and mind felt exhausted then he did the right thing in resting because he needs to listen to what his body is telling him. On Sunday we had a long talk about feelings and emotions (both of us shared) and the doctor told him it was very good he did that because again he holds too much in, and knowing he feels safe with me and can trust me with his emotions is a good thing. And he made another good choice when he called him (the counselor doctor) because he knew something was off and he reached out for help. Its only going to be the first of a lot of situations and feelings he has to work through but I think he got good marks for his choices this time, and Im proud of him.
Im trying to take in a lot of what you say and at least keep it for the future. Right now I dont feel like Im too involved or getting into any unhealthy patterns with my husband. I can understand and relate to what he shares with me because it is normal husband and wife things. We dont get into much talk about drugs, or the things that he learned in rehab and how he applies them or anything like that. I think those are better things for him to talk to with his doctor because I dont know about that stuff. I will try to keep a close eye on it and make sure I dont get things all out of whack but I have always had a close relationship with him and I dont want that to ever change.
Im feeling good today, we are going to be leaving for our trip later, may be a couple days before I am back here but since I wont have any family or close friends near me, I may need all of you even more, and I know you will be here so THANK YOU again. Ok truth Im feeling excited and happy but also a little nervous and anxious to be all alone far away in case something goes wrong with his recovery.
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