what would you do...
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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((((((Twofish))))))) ..how is your daughter feeling? Was thanksgiving peaceful? My mom had a terrible car accident like that when she was young. Had her jaw wired shut too. The dr had told her she would lose all her teeth when she was in her 50's. She did because she had a lot of problems with them. She has gorgeous dentures now...her teeth look better than before! As for your RAD getting depressed....soooooo normal! I broke my leg really bad and needed a rod and screws etc to put it back together a few years ago. I was laid up for months. Losing your independence is traumatizing. Then add the pain, the fear (will I look normal again, walk normal again etc) and the work it takes to heal...it's overwhelming. I pray, with all my might, that the oxy does not set her off again! I wish you lived near me so we could go for coffee. Just know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Hi SR, Thanksgiving was wonderful, thank goodness for Butterball turkeys! The four of us sat around the table eating, I did set a place for my older AD...she never came down. I did put a plate of potatoes, squash and ground up turkey together and brought it up to her, qhowever she was upset and refused to even thank me for the effort, put the plate of food in the hallway and told me to get out. On well, please don't say it, but I tried and she is in horrible pain and yes I'm her slave for now. On a happier note, my biopsy came back benign, no cancer. Her next surgery is Dec. 3rd. She wants to be off all opiates so she can transition to Suboxone. Not a good idea in my book. I think she should stay on the Methadone, oxy, lorazepam, get healed, not be in pain and the go to the Suboxone , sound right? She is so stubborn, she wants off all drugs, but this accident caused so much pain that it set her back. I told her and her Methadone counselor told her that she is gonna have to wait until she is healed, no more surgeries, teeth are fixed, all implants are in, then go to subs. She just doesn't get it if a complication occurs and excruciating pain is there, then what? The subs will make her sick and reject any opiates she takes for pain, another tear jerking story, soap opera, life threatening problem that addiction has done to my child and family. But, addiction, we are alive, my ADs are strong and want to be sober, it's just taking somewhat longer to happen with all these setbacks that keep happening. The younger RAD and myself went shopping on Black Friday, left at 12:30 til 6:30am, never doing that again, but had excellent bonding time, got some good deals, traffic of people not bad and I'm glad I'm home..time to relax, breathe and wait for the next disaster to happen. TF.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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TF, I'm glad that you had some nice time with your one daughter shopping, and enjoyed some turkey! I hope your other daughter will be feeling better soon! It sounds like as she heals from the accident, one of the tough parts for you will be to figure out when she is capable of taking care of herself and making her own decisions, and when she still needs you to do things for her and make decisions for her. For example, is she feeling well enough yet that she can get up and prepare her own food? If she is, I'm sure she will eat when she gets hungry enough! And the meds--I can understand why you feel strongly about how her meds should be handled. But she is an adult and will make her own decisions there, too. I'm sure she will ask for pain medication if she feels she needs it! I wish you luck finding the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference! Hugs, and happy holidays!
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OMG can you believe not more than an hour after my happy thanksgiving post, major war erupted in our home. My husband and I were watching the dog show and the girls came down, they were loud, my husband had a headache. The ADs are arguing about hair color. Then the younger one wants MY iPad to play a farm game on, I told her I'm not done with it yet, she said her farm would die so I said fine, she takes it storms off into the kitchen, dumping over a large glass container of water and plant roots, glass, water leaves are all over the kitchen. My husband start yelling about how cluttered the house is, crap like tube feeding stuff, plants,roots, knick knacks,(the kitchen was very clean and organized) he was just being the same old a$$ hole. Im crying now, he tells me to stop the crying, he's sick of it, I did nothing,I don't clean and he's sick of it, I do clean, BTW.He was is bed all day til 4pm, with the fatigue or flu , so we were being quiet watching the dog show when the 2 ADs came downstairs, full of it, started fighting with my husband, being loud, the rest is above! Another perfect example that addiction doesn't give anyone a break, especially when one so needs one. Also just found out the younger AD relapsed tonight. Can much else go wrong?
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The younger daughter relapsed on Lorazepam, said she took just a few and said she was given the benzo by the older AD. She gave her it because the younger daughter was crying that she couldn't get ahold of her XABF. Addiction has woken up again and is out for blood. What am I gonna do now? She is up now, her depression is back, she doesn't remember much of last night, she is very tired, feels very hot and clammy skin. I had her sleep with me, to watch her, take care of her and make sure she wasn't given any more pills that wasn't prescribed to her. I feel like a failure, this could of been prevented. I should of monitored the girls and their meds. I never thought this would happen, well I knew it was a possibility, but not her. I let my guard down and look what happened. I can't control addiction and I can't fix my children. Talk about feeling hopeless and like being a failure...I can't help feeling like this. She had 16 weeks of sobriety. Well, I'm gonna start have her start over, day 1 starts now. TF
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Hi Upset, Thanks for saying that, it is totally a possibility that the older AD gave it to her, but she says she did it because the younger AD was so upset about not finding her XABF. The younger girl was crying and upset and carrying on, she didn't know what to do she still doesn't understand addiction. She told me she didn't give her heroin, so that means she make her relaspe? Right? WRONGO, she should not give her ANYTHING especially her prescription meds, her addictive meds. The older AD still is in early recovery, is on Methadone maintance therapy. She hasn't has the intense IOP therapy the younger AD has so she still doesn't understand addiction. Do not give her anything. So I have locked up the Ativan(Lorazepam) along with the Methadone and Oxycodone. TF
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Keep all drugs locked up. If she has a brain bleed, DO NOT give her ibuprofen!!!
My husband was in a motorcycle accident this summer and he had 6 brain bleeds total. He started with 1. He had massive head trauma, scalped the top right side of his head from the top right, back to the back of his head and had several deep lacerations. His skin just hung off his skull. He had a plastic surgeon too. Didn't have a broken jaw but he did a number on himself. He wasn't wearing a helmet either.
They detoxed him with Ativan every 4 hours for about 5 days. They didn't give him any major pain killers because of the detox. They sent him home on Tylenol only and an anti-seizure med. Someone... can't remember who said he shouldn't take the Tylenol because it's a liver killer but it was the only thing he could take because the ibuprofen would make his brain bleed more.
He went into a major depression. I know he wished he was dead because the accident did change his looks and appearance. He lost an awful lot of hair over it. Being 55, he was self conscious about it anyways. I told him and I still tell him how sexy he looks.lol And he does. He's slowly getting better with his depression and the initial shock of the accident. I think he wants to move on and away from that time in his life now. He dwelled on it enough. I think in time, as your daughter heals, she will do the same. She needs time to accept it. We can't speed them through it either.
My husband didn't hit his turning point until his brain surgery. His whole frontal lobe was saturated in blood and putting emense pressure on his brain. The surgery was horrible and he was given oxy 5's for the pain but he said it rarely helped. I too had to hide the pills. As the days passed, he got better. He still gets his headaches. He'll probably have them for a long time.
I know what you're going through. If I could tell you anything, I'd tell you to take care of yourself because she's going to drain you. I am so going to keep you in my prayers and hope for a speedy recovery for your daughter. Just tell her, one day at a time. Just get through today. God Bless
My husband was in a motorcycle accident this summer and he had 6 brain bleeds total. He started with 1. He had massive head trauma, scalped the top right side of his head from the top right, back to the back of his head and had several deep lacerations. His skin just hung off his skull. He had a plastic surgeon too. Didn't have a broken jaw but he did a number on himself. He wasn't wearing a helmet either.
They detoxed him with Ativan every 4 hours for about 5 days. They didn't give him any major pain killers because of the detox. They sent him home on Tylenol only and an anti-seizure med. Someone... can't remember who said he shouldn't take the Tylenol because it's a liver killer but it was the only thing he could take because the ibuprofen would make his brain bleed more.
He went into a major depression. I know he wished he was dead because the accident did change his looks and appearance. He lost an awful lot of hair over it. Being 55, he was self conscious about it anyways. I told him and I still tell him how sexy he looks.lol And he does. He's slowly getting better with his depression and the initial shock of the accident. I think he wants to move on and away from that time in his life now. He dwelled on it enough. I think in time, as your daughter heals, she will do the same. She needs time to accept it. We can't speed them through it either.
My husband didn't hit his turning point until his brain surgery. His whole frontal lobe was saturated in blood and putting emense pressure on his brain. The surgery was horrible and he was given oxy 5's for the pain but he said it rarely helped. I too had to hide the pills. As the days passed, he got better. He still gets his headaches. He'll probably have them for a long time.
I know what you're going through. If I could tell you anything, I'd tell you to take care of yourself because she's going to drain you. I am so going to keep you in my prayers and hope for a speedy recovery for your daughter. Just tell her, one day at a time. Just get through today. God Bless
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Dear Box, Thanks for the pep talk, I do feel drained. I'm sorry to hear of your husbands motorcycle accident, but he is healing! It seems cruel that they treated him only with Tylenol apon discharge from the hospital. Today, the treating Drs. see that there are two problems being treated, the addiction(the disease) and the traumatic head trauma, (the jaw fractures and small two brain bleeds) they feared if they stopped the Methadone, even tho they were giving her Dilaudid IV, the withdrawals from H would start back up. She never had a seizure. She also was wearing her helmet. About her looks, her face is still swollen, but with girls, they see one zit and fall apart. Her beautiful teeth are either gone or chipped up. That was hard to accept. The deep lacerations by her mouth, the plastic surgeon fixed so you can hardly see it, remarkable what they can do. The depression has hit her real hard but, because of the brain bleeds, they want to let that be for now. She has another surgery on Dec. 3rd. to remove some more metal from her Miskito. She is scared of all of this, the pain, the unknown, the addiction. I do have a large black safe to lock up all meds, that to me was a big relief. So now we wait for Dec, 3rd. Thanks for the support and I hope your husband recovery continues to go well. Let's pray for each other, and thanks again for your support! TF
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I will definitely pray for you and your children!
My husband was so scared. He was still drinking after his accident. He felt emense guilt and depression n the alcohol made recovering so much worse. It was the one main reason his brain kept bleeding. Then once he knew he was having surgery, omg. He just shut down a bit more on me. It was just me, him n SR.
Once he got home after surgery, I saw a different him. He's been sober (he's an alcoholic) ever since. His injuries are healing. He's got some short term memory loss but for the most part, he can walk, feed himself and now work. Just unbelievable. I mean, how many people can sustain such massive head injuries and live to tell about it like he did?! He's got an angel on his side. I told him, God did not save you for you to be a damn drunk! I was at my wits end with him! He was either going to die or he'd survive! I was literally preparing myself for the worst!
I have to tell you though, facial and head scars heal so very well. I've heard this before n witnessed it with Jimmy's head. Even his forehead where they drilled a hole for his brain surgery. To look at the back of his head now, you'd never know it was so busted up. I have pics I'll let you see if you're interested. Just pm me and I can share with you and your daughter.
My best advice though is don't think of tomorrow. It will come. Just get through today. I'd wake up n say, Dear Lord... just get me through today. Some of it is just a blur to me til I read back through the thread I started.
My husband was so scared. He was still drinking after his accident. He felt emense guilt and depression n the alcohol made recovering so much worse. It was the one main reason his brain kept bleeding. Then once he knew he was having surgery, omg. He just shut down a bit more on me. It was just me, him n SR.
Once he got home after surgery, I saw a different him. He's been sober (he's an alcoholic) ever since. His injuries are healing. He's got some short term memory loss but for the most part, he can walk, feed himself and now work. Just unbelievable. I mean, how many people can sustain such massive head injuries and live to tell about it like he did?! He's got an angel on his side. I told him, God did not save you for you to be a damn drunk! I was at my wits end with him! He was either going to die or he'd survive! I was literally preparing myself for the worst!
I have to tell you though, facial and head scars heal so very well. I've heard this before n witnessed it with Jimmy's head. Even his forehead where they drilled a hole for his brain surgery. To look at the back of his head now, you'd never know it was so busted up. I have pics I'll let you see if you're interested. Just pm me and I can share with you and your daughter.
My best advice though is don't think of tomorrow. It will come. Just get through today. I'd wake up n say, Dear Lord... just get me through today. Some of it is just a blur to me til I read back through the thread I started.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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((((((((((Twofish))))))))))) I'm so sorry that this freakin disease is clawing its way back. I feel so bad that your daughter relapsed. I don't even know what to say to comfort you. Just know that I feel your pain. We are one in the same that we are battling this almost alone in our homes. You are the crazy one!(I tell myself this all the time) I just found out my son is also using and had a blowout here on Saturday. My husband's denial about it was going on for a long time. I finally tested him when my husband wasn't home. Needless to say, my son has left the house. You're doing the right thing locking up the meds. You can only control so much of what goes on. I can only imagine the stress you are under. It's more than enough to have to deal with 2 addicted children (I know) and your daughters accident and surgeries on top of your own health issues. Please remember to take care of yourself too. The best way to take care of your children is to take care of their mother. How is your son handling all of this? Does he know your D relapsed?
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Thanks Jend, I really DO need the support now. I can't believe that my older daughter gave her the pills. I guess she meant well, but should of known better! It's over, time to take care of today! The younger AD doesn't think she had a relapse because it wasn't Heroin, it was a benzo and didn't feel anything. Hmmm, time to hit some more meetings, get some more education on addiction. Oh well, time to get this family up and going, have a nice Monday! TF
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TF...I am praying for you and your family. I hope the surgery tomorrow is a success and that time goes quickly for all of you so you can get past this hard time in all of your lives.
Huge hugs..we are here for you!
Huge hugs..we are here for you!
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Thank you, thank you, thank you SR Family! Tomorrow is going to be a hard day for all of us. We have to be at the UW Hospital at 9:30 for the pre op prep, surgery at 11:00. Please think happy thoughts of us at this time. The procedure is 40 minutes if all goes well, they're taking the arch bars off her lower jaw. I will be able to take her home at 2ish. I'm worried and scared and so is she.
We have to see the Dean of the L&S college at 8:30, so that will keep us busy. They are gonna finalize her graduation date (May 2014), so she will be going into the procedure with an at peace feeling. Addictions days are numbered. Once she gets off the opiates and Methadone and on the Suboxone, her time to sobriety is closing in. I do hope I'm not fooling myself about this Suboxone...will it work? Will she work the program to sobriety? Too much to think about right now. Lets get through tomorrow! Luck of the Lords face please shine his beauty on my child. TF
We have to see the Dean of the L&S college at 8:30, so that will keep us busy. They are gonna finalize her graduation date (May 2014), so she will be going into the procedure with an at peace feeling. Addictions days are numbered. Once she gets off the opiates and Methadone and on the Suboxone, her time to sobriety is closing in. I do hope I'm not fooling myself about this Suboxone...will it work? Will she work the program to sobriety? Too much to think about right now. Lets get through tomorrow! Luck of the Lords face please shine his beauty on my child. TF
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Good luck tomorrow! Surgery days and the days leading up to them were hard around here. Hubby is petrified of going under and always came out ok. He just doesn't like the hospital settings, or dr's for that matter. You'd think he'd behave himself but noooooo?! 
Praying for you and her that everything goes well and she can start to heal and get ready to embrace her sobriety. It will work if she works it. It's all up to her. Good Luck tomorrow!!!
Praying for you and her that everything goes well and she can start to heal and get ready to embrace her sobriety. It will work if she works it. It's all up to her. Good Luck tomorrow!!!
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