KeepinItReal

He found a job with the same person that is going to to give him a good work to get into teen challenge. I have to be honest.

I'm concerned with him having money. Yet, I know i'm not in control. He told me that he's going to give me $250 which is half of what he will get paid on friday. He knows I will spend it on Christmas for the kids and making their room look better.

The rest of his paycheck he told me that he was buying boots and a cell phone. I was so uneasy when he told me about the phone. Fearful he will relapse and the kids will be missing him over Christmas. (past fear, PTSD, whatever it is.. fear)

It's our 12 year anniversary on the 25th and he said he's using the remainder money to take me out on Sat. night (he's paying, he said in a proud voice). I'm really looking forward to it.

Happy that we will spend a nice time out together. I know I have to get over the fear of the phone. He hasn't done anything to show me he has any interest in drugs or his drug addicted family. We saw them for one dinner and that's it.

Wish me luck. I will be praying to stop being so fearful. He's still planning on going to the 14 month program after the holidays.

Upsetnneedhelp

An addict can and will get high with or without money. If they want to use they will find a way.

AnvilheadII

keepinitreal...does he have a specific date/time and location of said 14 month rehab? like Jan 2, be at <<fill in the blank>> by 2pm with suitcase??? otherwise that opened ended after the holidays can stretch into weeks and months and next thing ya know.....

you can only control your stuff. i don't think it's wrong to "hope for the best but be prepared for the worst" in a case like this. eyes wide open. make sure YOU will be ok regardless of what he does. financially, emotionally, mentally. we battle fear by having a plan, a clearly conceived plan. we get our ducks in a row, chart our course, and all that.

KeepinItReal

Very true!! For both comments!

He is going to meet with the intake coordinator soon. The guy he is working for is actually the one bringing him (as he has no car)

I'm also sure that the guy he's working for is feeling out whether he's serious about the commitment. His boss was our friend and the "connection" to him easing his way into this program. His boss donates free landscaping to our local teen challenge. His boss is a longtime friend of my fathers. It was great that he offered him this job and now he has something to contribute for the holidays. Working hard.. and it really is benefiting our family.

Feeling grateful. Just battling the fear. Yes, I will feel so much better when there is a date for entry. I am a planner!

BlueChair

I understand how your feeling and was going to make a post about how Ive been hit with these waves of fear over the weekend. I think your right it has something to do with our memories of the past, PTSD, whatever it is .... it is fear. With me its not like Im trying to watch over my husband, but I get afraid if he gets sick again, and I think about how sick he was, how afraid I was. Honestly I dont think there is anything we can do except talk about it, let time pass and the memories will fade. There is only so much we can do to protect ourselves, because when you love someone you open yourself up and make yourself vulnerable. When we love, we risk pain and hurt. I hope it goes good for your husband, from what you have written he is surrounded by family who loves him, good friends who care and are showing him respect and a way to a bright future. Im glad you posted because your husband came home about the same time, and it sounds like we are about in the same place emotionally. Try to look forward to your anniversary dinner, you both need some time together, reflect on the past, look to the future. He is sooo lucky to have you in his life

gfwhoneverknew

Hi I needed to chime in on this one cuz while Iread it i swear it was me!!! The cell etc!! Just letting u know my bf is out of prison 3mos! First two fine but Ihelped get him a job. And first check hegave me two thirds of it and save some for our business we want. But....bought a bag of weed!! He was clean w me before his paycheck....yeah he did smoke lil w a dude he met downstairz...but now with money he's smoking everyday and our relationship is near over. Love him more than life and that's exactly y Icant watch him ruin his own!! Told him that as well. Ps...he admits ashamed he got derailed w the weed and his mindset and knows its killing us but doesn't stop. Can he? My honest opinion is he's afraid of trying and seeing he has no control over it. Still believe change is possible but they have to want it and act on it! Goodluck n hope urs will b fine!!

KeepinItReal

Gfwhoneverknew - its been a long rd for us. This is a temporary situation as he is planning on going to long term program. He knows his chances of relapse are high and he wants to be a counselor which will require him to graduate. His best chance is him creating his life without drugs. He needs to do it on his own.

I'm fearful of having to pull away and detach again... and cycling over this pattern again. I need positive change with or without him. Either way life must go on.