Now it's my daughter...again

Old 11-14-2013, 08:22 AM
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Now it's my daughter...again

Well...on this board some of you may be familiar with my husband of almost one year. He is currently in a rehab for meth after a 3 month relapse and being clean for 13 years. He is doing well.

Both of my children have struggled with drugs. My son (age 25 is out of a rehab in Sept) and my daughter (age 19) is on probation for mostly drug use. She is on a sweat patch and breathalyzer...4 x a day.

My rules: pickup after yourself; no drugs in house or drug use period. Pretty simple.

My daughter has moved over into synthetic marijuana...like many on probation do now. I have caught her, several times in the past and kick her out of the house. Probation knows, as I have told them. She does well for awhile and then bamm....she's high again. Recently her boyfriend cheated on her and they broke up. Excuse and I am sorry.

Both of my young adults have been living with me. Both are working full time. My son has a car that he purchased and my daughter doesn't. I am not buying their cars any more.

I caught my daughter, again, smoking synthetic marijuana. She appeared high last night. I found the packages in her room. Now I have told her that she needs to leave today.

I am so tired. In my codependent mind....I worry that she has a job that she won't be able to get to and will probably lose. She is now, again, going to bounce around from place to place. Things have been bad, for her, before...really bad and still same old crap. There is no logic here. Addicts have no reasoning. She attends AA meetings and has a sponsor but still seeks out drugs for coping.

I just need peace. Thanks for letting me vent. I hate this!
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Old 11-14-2013, 12:14 PM
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I'm sorry Tx, you've certainly got a lot of other people's issues going on all around you. It must be difficult to stay focused on your serenity/recovery. It's that whole powerless thing...we can't control what our loved ones do. I still struggle with that because from the outside it all appears so obvious. Stay true to yourself, your boundaries, your recovery....I'm so glad we have this spot to talk openly about things as we are faced with them. My new favorite quote: "Accept what is, let go of what was, have faith it what will be". I'm trying!!! Hang in there!
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Old 11-14-2013, 12:30 PM
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Thank you Lizwig! Yes...I am such a non-drama person! It seems that my life has been one soap opera after another...at least the last 3-4 years.

My husband if this doesn't work....I know I can disconnect and move on.

Kids...disconnecting from them is so difficult. Our nature is to protect and support. I can't protect them from themselves. I only support healthy activities.
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Old 11-14-2013, 12:42 PM
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Synthetic marijuana aka spice or K2 is very dangerous and highly addictive drug. The FDA can not keep up the chemical changes to keep it banned from the open market.

People, especially our kids, have no idea how dangerous it is. Many think of it like a "legal" marijuana but it is not even close.

You can do a search on here under spice and see the serious effects it has on those willing to smoke it.
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Old 11-14-2013, 12:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Txhelp View Post
Thank you Lizwig! Yes...I am such a non-drama person! It seems that my life has been one soap opera after another...at least the last 3-4 years.

My husband if this doesn't work....I know I can disconnect and move on.

Kids...disconnecting from them is so difficult. Our nature is to protect and support. I can't protect them from themselves. I only support healthy activities.
Although I don't have an addicted child, I can relate to these words about your kids. My son engages in self destructive behaviors. He cuts himself with his fingernails and bangs his head extremely hard on the wall. His psychiatrists and therapists say the same thing to me about supporting only healthy activities.

I find detachment much more difficult with him than with AH.

I'm sorry for the reasons that brought you here today.

hugs,
Lily
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Old 11-14-2013, 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNow View Post
Synthetic marijuana aka spice or K2 is very dangerous and highly addictive drug. The FDA can not keep up the chemical changes to keep it banned from the open market.

People, especially our kids, have no idea how dangerous it is. Many think of it like a "legal" marijuana but it is not even close.

You can do a search on here under spice and see the serious effects it has on those willing to smoke it.
Yes it is....

My son was in rehab for it! Addictive and withdrawal symptoms were present for him. He was using for 3 years or so...while on probation and continued. It's an ugly drug. Testing for this drug is about $50 a pop and to tell you the truth...I am not sure how accurate the testing it due to the changes in chemicals.
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Old 11-14-2013, 02:33 PM
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Sorry TX. I've been down the road you are on and all I can say is that we all figure out what we have to do and make peace with it eventually.
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Old 11-14-2013, 03:26 PM
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Txhelp, you are FANTASTIC. I was 18 years old before I even smoked a cigarette in front of my mother, and I never dared to bring booze or dope into their home. I was an addict for 42 years, and my next step down was squalid poverty. I was living in a Hurricane Katrina wreck on the wrong side of the track in the "hood" if ya know what I mean. Even when I was 20 years old and using I knew I was doing wrong, yet I managed to get away with it all those years. I have nothing against Alanon, Noranon, but my thinking is why should a normal person have to learn to cope with an addict? A parent is first a person with a life so why should a normal person have to suffer because of an addict? I like your attitude and am rootin for you and your family.
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Old 11-15-2013, 08:49 AM
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neferkamicael...Thank you! Wow...you had a long road and much wisdom to go with it!

I hope that your life is much better now. What finally helped you help yourself?

I haven't heard from my daughter since yesterday...this is her mode of operation. She will call to ask to get her things. She is supposed to work tomorrow so I guess she will be here today.

The sad thing is our children/family all of potential. She is no different. It's like you are in a hole and can't dig out...or choose to not to.
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Old 11-15-2013, 02:31 PM
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(((((TX))))). Being a parent is soooo hard isn't it? To worry constantly about their choices, well being yet to stick to our boundaries and do as we say. I feel for you TX and hope your daughter thinks long and hard and can get the help she needs to change. Is she in therapy?
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Old 11-15-2013, 03:55 PM
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needingabreak: She has had it all. Rehab; therapy; family support; AA; psychiatric help. Being on probation she's had drug classes; just signed up for her last drug class yesterday; sweat patch (currently) and brealizer x 4 a day.

Yep...she's had plenty of opportunities to learn the ropes. She hasn't really stuck with therapy. "Didn't like the counselor." She knows she can get help and where to get help. She does have a sponsor and attends AA on her own.

My tolerance is low for her behaviors. It's time to do it alone and when she is ready can ask for help.
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Old 11-16-2013, 12:25 AM
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>>>>>>I just need peace. Thanks for letting me vent. I hate this!<<<<<<

We all do, TxHelp ///


Thank YOU for letting US vent ///

We all hate this nemesis (with a passion!)

Peace & goodwill wishes to you.
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Old 11-16-2013, 04:45 AM
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Tx, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter! It makes us feel so helpless and defeated when we can't help our kids.she sounds like she's in the same mentality my daughter was in (until jail). This is what she told me yesterday during my jail visit with her..."my addiction makes me think I'm soo slick like butter". They truly believe they are getting over on everyone.you sound like you're doing the right thing by not giving up but not enabling. Big hugs to you today!
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Old 11-16-2013, 09:29 AM
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Yes Jend...my daughter has been in jail several times. A few PI (public intoxications); a theft (30 days) and motion to revoke probation (for failure to ID). When she went into jail for the theft she attempted suicide. I really feel like I've been through hell.

Jail has always given her clarity and it also brought out her faith. However, once she is released (never by me but by the system) she slips.

I have to say she is better than last year....but I am not entirely sure of the reason.
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Old 11-22-2013, 09:42 AM
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I am pharmaceutical researcher and have worked with smoking cessation products. I remember from when I working on those projects, it takes an average ciragette smoker 7 serious attempts to let go of smoking - some more some less. I think the same applies to other addictions. People may take several months/years between "serious" attempts.
We just have to keep our boundaries (as you are doing) and nudge them along to that state of "readiness" when they can make a "serious attempt".

I have to say she is better than last year....but I am not entirely sure of the reason
As we get older, we get wiser. Looks like she is moving along in the right direction at her own slow pace (as is my son).
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Old 11-22-2013, 11:34 AM
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Thanks pravchaw....her slow pace often scares me.

She wrestles with life or death whether she's in my household or not.

I found out she was dealing the synthetic. My son is also involved. He was fired from his job last week. He was asked to live elsewhere.

Both of my kids are back in the swing of things

Now..I can't choose their life that they wish to live. Sad but true.
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Old 11-22-2013, 11:37 AM
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Txhelp...I just wanted to let you know I am reading this and my heart goes out to you. You and your family are in my prayers!!!

Hugs!
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Old 11-22-2013, 12:36 PM
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Both of my kids are back in the swing of things
They will have to make choices. Addicts make choices only when they have the proverbial gun to their head. My son is in detox/rehab now, but he went there when I told him definitively, it was this or the city shelter, take your pick.
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Old 11-22-2013, 12:58 PM
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I'm really sorry TX. My heart goes out to you. I want you to know you are in my thoughts today.

My son lives 4 states away. I have sent him a consistent message for well over the past year that help is available to him when he wants it. I have nothing else to bargain with. He doesn't live with us, we provide nothing for him any more....I'm not a fan of "hitting bottom" either but just not sure what else we can do but wait for him to have a moment of clarity and hopefully he'll decide to ask for help. I think he's proven over the last 6 years that it doesn't matter to him what we think...I've reached the point I've just got to hand it over. Do I want my son to hit bottom? No. I want him to know he is loved and we believe in him...however I cannot throw him over my shoulder any longer and pack him off to summer camp. I wish, that would be great.
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Old 11-22-2013, 04:22 PM
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Lizwig,
moment of clarity
aka "readiness to change" - is absolutely key. Looks like he is functioning in spite of his addiction. Keep the lines of communication open and try to nudge them in the right direction, whenever possible.

The problem is our kids even though they are technically adults are adolescents in their thinking. The drugs have stunted their emotional growth and prevents them for assuming responsibility in life. Drugs have always been an easy way out for them.
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