Eve13

It's got to be heartbreaking to see your dear daughter in jail. ((Jend))

Lily1918

I'm sorry this is so hard for you =[ I haven't gone to see AH yet. I am too afraid.

needingabreak

Jend I am very awe inspired by reading what you have had to go through and what you did to save your daughter because, really, that is what you are doing. Getting kids off and not allowing them to accept responsibility for their actions teaches them nothing. I cannot imagine how gut wrenching this is for you but hopefully in the end, it will scare her straight. Prayers for you tonight to keep strong and also praying this turns your daughter around. Hugs to you Jend.

Jend719

Thank you. The right decisions aren't always the popular decisions. God is definitely in control here. I felt so guilty for not bailing her out after I saw here. Yesterday, her lawyer told me that another town put a warrant/hold on her. So even if I paid the $500 and the $250 they wouldn't let her go. She would be transported back to that town and sent right back to jail. So I felt a huge brick of guilt lifted off of me when he told me this. It is literally out of my hands. God is keeping her exactly where she needs to be right now. She keeps telling me that she's having flashbacks and it's freaking her out. I told he to pray and ask God what He's trying to show her. I did bring her thermals, socks and underwear, and a sports bra and some money in the commissary. The worst part when I saw her the first day was "I'm starving and I'm freezing ". That killed me. I don't think she will be going to a rehab any time soon like she thought. They have to have 3 judges approve it. I'm sure that will take some time. So of course she's thinking about Christmas. My response was ...better you not be home for Christmas this year and be ALIVE for Next Christmas .

lizwig

Thanks for the update Jend. You've done a good job of trusting God's will in all of this. Hopefully the three judges can "stamp" their approval and get her some real help. My son used to complain how hungry he was in jail...that is so hard to hear. I had to remind myself of how many meals he chose to miss when using...He rarely ate and traded the gift cards I sent him for food for drugs (when he wasn't in jail). A comfortable environment won't encourage change. Does your daughter want treatment? Or does she just want out? You've done really well. Not easy. I loved Kindeyes statement that love isn't the color of money. It stuck. I believe it now. Have a good day Jend.

Upsetnneedhelp

That is why I believe in sending money for my sons canteen fund in prison. They simply do not get enough to eat otherwise.

Jend719

<<I had to remind myself of how many meals he chose to miss when using>>

Lizwig ....you are soo right on the money! Thank you for reminding me! She is like 120 pounds soaking wet and she is almost 5'8. She has lost soooooo much weight it makes me sick! The heroin makes them throw up constantly. She half Puerto Rican and always had this beautiful Jennifer Lopez body and now she like skin and bone. She eats like a bird. I pray that she really does want to change. She was reminiscing about the beautiful cushy rehab she got herself kicked out of. I was like...I bet you wish you would've completed that now! She's been numbing herself with thing since she's 12. It started with cutting. She has said she "doesn't know how to feel anything". Now she is somewhere that she is forced to be with herself and "feel" and not able to numb herself. She was "unclassified" yesterday and now allowed with the general population which is one big room with a bunch of beds. She was supposed to call me tonight but didn't. I just pray that in her borderline personality mind that she is not acting/thinking that she is at a big'ol slumber party.

Upsetnneedhelp

Jend, if the guards thought she was mentally unstable they would not place her in with the general population. I don't think the guards do it because they necessarily care but because they can be held liable if she is attacked. She is probably okay in the dormitory. My son always preferred prison over his stays in jail.

trudgingagain

I just found this part of the forums....so glad you shared your story, Jend, as it sounds like what awaits my 25 year old daughter. She went to rehab at 19, following a DUI. Connected with the cook there (18 years her senior) and he has stalked her ever since. Bottom line...she is now hooked on herion/meth, has a court date for being under the influence of controlled substances. He has 13 felonies, all drug related, and they BOTH blame me. She recently visited me in Costa Rica, and I thought she came to help me (since I had broken my ankle) as well as to get away from him. Turns out, she was (apparently) using while here (I found burned foil under the bath sink), she verbally and physically abused me and I threw her out. I had paid for a return flight back to Los Angeles, but she lost her passport and didn't make the flight. (Of course she said I had it and wouldn't give it to her!) She spent 3 days in San Jose, CR...and finally weaseled some money from a dear friend of mine in England to change her flight and get home. I discovered many things missing after she left...including an urn that held my dad's ashes. She has the things she stole for sale online. I have (I think) only enabled her, by paying her bills, her lawyer/fines/rehab after the DUI, etc. etc. She has one more year on my health insurance. I am praying that she hits bottom and uses it for rehab. She is now homeless on the streets of Los Angeles....still with the cook (who is now 43)

mybrother

You are doing the right thing, letting her face the consequences of her actions. Please stay strong! Sorry you are going through this.

Mountainmanbob

note
usually these are only the ones who are institutionalized
who prefer prison over being in jail

MM

blueholly

Jend,
I feel for you. Sounds a lot like my AH who the judge gave unsupervised visitation to even though he admited in court that he has been using meth. The justice system is bs. Its like you can never win.... I wanted him to be sentenced to rehab. We have been to court 3 times and he has never provided the drug test that he was suppose to have in may. And he just keeps getting away with everything.
It is frustrating I know.... My heart and prayers go out to you! Don't cave....