overit263

This weekend I went out with friends and ended up having a great time! I only had one drink (not a big drinker- had alcohol twice in the past 8 years being supportive of AXH). Was thinking how I would have missed out on the fun I had if I had still been with the addict, because I would have felt guilty like I wasn't being supportive. At the end of the night after I left the place I got a little sad. Not sad as in missing the craziness, but it kind of hit me that eventually I'm going to have to date - I've already told myself it will be over a year or more because I'm scared and scarred from this relationship. That scared me and made me feel kind of bad. So I do what I normally do, picked up another shift so that I would a. make extra cash and b. not be able to sit with those feelings for too long. Then today I cleaned like a maniac when I got off work, found more paperwork etc. that I should send to AXH. That made me feel way better in a weird way, even though I went through all of the notes he had left me. All of them I love you, our relationship will get better, I am working on it etc....well, all those notes didn't turn out to be the truth, and it felt good to face them, purge them without crying too much!

Now that I feel better and my home is clean, and my dog is snoring next to me, all is right again. I think of all the people I've met because of moving here for XAH's job etc. and I think even though this wasn't the plan for me, it's turned out to be worth it. I wouldn't have moved to all of the places I moved, met the lifelong friends I've made because of those moves, if I hadn't been with him. So I'm trying to stay on the positive in all of the mess. If only I could stay thinking that way every day! Thanks for letting me share!

Raider

Wow. Stay strong

Ann

I am glad you have people you know near you to have fun with when you are ready to go out. The sadness is normal, there is a grieving process when a relationship is over and it takes time to heal and move on.

I think you are doing terrific, just keep your spirit healthy and don't hang out in the sadness for any length of time.

When you are ready, new beginnings await you.

Hugs