one year no contact
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
one year no contact
Well, it has officially been a year since we last heard from my XAH.
This night last year my son was given a choice of either playing with my XAH or his friend. My son chose his friend, and his father huffed off. Before huffing off we had a few words. He was mad because I went to go see where they were going in the parking lot, and I was angry because he wasn't paying child support or helping me parent, but bring a ball and bat to supervised visits at the park. And I was very stressed about money and doing everything on my own. This summer my son let me know that he had felt guilty this whole time thinking he had made his father leave that night. When in reality his father was a selfish addict who doesn't know how to be a father and gave his son an unfair choice. After my son told me how he felt, I mistakenly searched a little for his father. I didn't talk to him and still have no idea where he lives, but I did find out that he is still hanging out with the same "buddies" traveling, partying and have a grand old time. Nothing has changed. What did I really expect? Depression set in and I am now just coming out of it. It really is a roller coaster. Although, each time I am hurt by him I come out stronger. My sister said there will come a point when I hear about him or his name and instead of cringing and getting anxious...I just won't care. I feel like I am getting closer and closer to that point. Breaking my heart is one thing, but breaking my son is quite another.
Through all the heartache and the hurt I see in my son, I am thankful.
I am thankful he disappeared. It allowed me to be healthy. Dealing with an addict does not bring sanity into your life. It was so painful. I needed time to adjust to the shock of being so quickly abandoned and loosing not only him, but my life. My friends, my home and my family...within just a few months.
I am thankful for my strength. I know now what is unacceptable and what is normal. I trust my instincts. I believe in myself. For the first time in my life I have self esteem. I think in a way I finally grew up.
I am thankful for now understanding what the characteristics of a real man are and will accept nothing but.
More than anything I am thankful my son has a chance. I am so glad that I thought quickly and smartly on my feet. I didn't back down and protected my son from his father's addiction. Because of this my son has stability, structure, education, trust and confidence. My son also has been showing a good judge of character at the age of 5. I am so proud. And my son is so kind and caring.
I am so thankful he is not looking up to an addict as a role model. I work with kids everyday. I have seen first hand kids who are surrounded by drugs either by addiction, dealing or jail. I have seen them pulled out of homes to foster care. I have see their behavior problems and how this has affected their education. I have seen children who were born from addicts, and how it effects their development.
I thank god that my son is surrounded by love and strength.
We will always hurt, but we are surviving.
This night last year my son was given a choice of either playing with my XAH or his friend. My son chose his friend, and his father huffed off. Before huffing off we had a few words. He was mad because I went to go see where they were going in the parking lot, and I was angry because he wasn't paying child support or helping me parent, but bring a ball and bat to supervised visits at the park. And I was very stressed about money and doing everything on my own. This summer my son let me know that he had felt guilty this whole time thinking he had made his father leave that night. When in reality his father was a selfish addict who doesn't know how to be a father and gave his son an unfair choice. After my son told me how he felt, I mistakenly searched a little for his father. I didn't talk to him and still have no idea where he lives, but I did find out that he is still hanging out with the same "buddies" traveling, partying and have a grand old time. Nothing has changed. What did I really expect? Depression set in and I am now just coming out of it. It really is a roller coaster. Although, each time I am hurt by him I come out stronger. My sister said there will come a point when I hear about him or his name and instead of cringing and getting anxious...I just won't care. I feel like I am getting closer and closer to that point. Breaking my heart is one thing, but breaking my son is quite another.
Through all the heartache and the hurt I see in my son, I am thankful.
I am thankful he disappeared. It allowed me to be healthy. Dealing with an addict does not bring sanity into your life. It was so painful. I needed time to adjust to the shock of being so quickly abandoned and loosing not only him, but my life. My friends, my home and my family...within just a few months.
I am thankful for my strength. I know now what is unacceptable and what is normal. I trust my instincts. I believe in myself. For the first time in my life I have self esteem. I think in a way I finally grew up.
I am thankful for now understanding what the characteristics of a real man are and will accept nothing but.
More than anything I am thankful my son has a chance. I am so glad that I thought quickly and smartly on my feet. I didn't back down and protected my son from his father's addiction. Because of this my son has stability, structure, education, trust and confidence. My son also has been showing a good judge of character at the age of 5. I am so proud. And my son is so kind and caring.
I am so thankful he is not looking up to an addict as a role model. I work with kids everyday. I have seen first hand kids who are surrounded by drugs either by addiction, dealing or jail. I have seen them pulled out of homes to foster care. I have see their behavior problems and how this has affected their education. I have seen children who were born from addicts, and how it effects their development.
I thank god that my son is surrounded by love and strength.
We will always hurt, but we are surviving.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
