I think I've finally accepted the loss of my relationship
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Vancouver Canada
Posts: 37
I think I've finally accepted the loss of my relationship
Well it's been a couple of weeks since I've seperated from my ex. This is the longest we've gone without seeing each other in over 5 years. I'm not going to lie, it's tough, I miss his face, holding him, even stupid things like the quite nights we would have.
That being said, I had a realization this morning that it really is over for us. I have a terrific girlfriend I met through my ex (he was her friend first and actually used to have a crush on her before we started dating, ironically enough), she was an addict as well (same DOC as him, cocaine), and put herself through rehab when she was 23, less then a year after I met her. She has done amazing - she has her life on the right track, has 7 years of sobriety behind her, she is engaged to an awesome guy and she really is living truthful to the recovery life. I'm incredibly proud of her. Apparently he reached out to her last night via facebook asking for help, how does he do this, yada, yada, yada and was playing the "o woe is me" card. She was having none of it, and let me know immediately what was happening and that she was uncomfortable. I supported her saying, if he asks you for advice it's your call if you want to give it, however he's still in active addiction (obviously with his whining).
He claims he has 7 days sober (last night's behavior contridicts that) and I realized though that no matter how much support, love, understanding, tough talk, etc I give, he's not going to get better. At least not yet until he truly wants to. I'm keeping up with my therapy, I'm working on getting back into the things I love, rather then things my ex enjoyed (I can't count how many nights I stayed at home, or concerts and shows I went to, hating the music, simply so I can keep an eye on him).
I don't know if I've finally hit acceptance - I'd love to be the etheral woman, all knowing and gliding through life; but chances are I'll still be the stumbling around nutbar, cursing like a sailor when I stub my toe. But either way - I'm letting him go - and in the process I hope I can find myself...for the first time EVER, I won't have addiction in my life: no addicted parent, partner, friend, etc...And to be honest, I don't know if I could have done it without you all here. Even if I wasn't in the same head space or agreed with the postings at times (if I wasn't emotionally there yet), I read each and every one...and I wouldn't doubt that helped get me to where I am today. I'll still have tears for him but you know what - I'm done fixing other people and am going to fix me now.
thank you all, RSG.
That being said, I had a realization this morning that it really is over for us. I have a terrific girlfriend I met through my ex (he was her friend first and actually used to have a crush on her before we started dating, ironically enough), she was an addict as well (same DOC as him, cocaine), and put herself through rehab when she was 23, less then a year after I met her. She has done amazing - she has her life on the right track, has 7 years of sobriety behind her, she is engaged to an awesome guy and she really is living truthful to the recovery life. I'm incredibly proud of her. Apparently he reached out to her last night via facebook asking for help, how does he do this, yada, yada, yada and was playing the "o woe is me" card. She was having none of it, and let me know immediately what was happening and that she was uncomfortable. I supported her saying, if he asks you for advice it's your call if you want to give it, however he's still in active addiction (obviously with his whining).
He claims he has 7 days sober (last night's behavior contridicts that) and I realized though that no matter how much support, love, understanding, tough talk, etc I give, he's not going to get better. At least not yet until he truly wants to. I'm keeping up with my therapy, I'm working on getting back into the things I love, rather then things my ex enjoyed (I can't count how many nights I stayed at home, or concerts and shows I went to, hating the music, simply so I can keep an eye on him).
I don't know if I've finally hit acceptance - I'd love to be the etheral woman, all knowing and gliding through life; but chances are I'll still be the stumbling around nutbar, cursing like a sailor when I stub my toe. But either way - I'm letting him go - and in the process I hope I can find myself...for the first time EVER, I won't have addiction in my life: no addicted parent, partner, friend, etc...And to be honest, I don't know if I could have done it without you all here. Even if I wasn't in the same head space or agreed with the postings at times (if I wasn't emotionally there yet), I read each and every one...and I wouldn't doubt that helped get me to where I am today. I'll still have tears for him but you know what - I'm done fixing other people and am going to fix me now.
thank you all, RSG.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Im sorry Redsoxgirl (by the way I am a huge Red Sox fan too). I can understand your missing the good things and wishing it could be that way. I think that is the fantasy in our brains, wanting to change reality. We can't though and I think you are doing great despite feeling melancholy. Know that there are people here who do care and are here for you. You are focusing on you and that is a good place to start. I am still trying to do that. One day at a time. Big hugs to you.
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