Sober Living?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 27
Sober Living?
So my AH has said that he is looking into moving into a sober living house for awhile when he gets done with inpatient. If he actually does it, I think it's a good idea because history has shown that 28 days is simply not enough time for him to get on the right track of recovering from his heroin addiction. If he actually does, I would move back into our house and regroup from there. Does anyone have any experience with a loved one in a sober living house?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
My son lived in an Oxford house for a short period of time. I believe it was a good option for him. The guys were very welcoming, gave him rides to meetings. He had responsibilities within the house and it all started out positively. He began hanging out with "old friends" and I know they discussed the dangers of this with him. Within a week of this he started talking about everything his roommates were doing wrong, picking them apart. I thought "uh oh...here we go", they random UA'd him and he was dirty. True to their word they asked him to leave but did tell him when he had 2 weeks clean he could return. I don't believe he has tried.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
D really liked his sober house. It was a group of all men. They have household chores and meeting lists. There was a curfew and they had to pay rent. Every week, his boss faxed a copy of his schedule to the leader of the house, so that his time out of the house was accounted for. I was invited over for dinner a few times and everyone there was really nice. It is a good idea to transition back into the real world after treatment.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
My daughter is living in a sober living house right now. I have conflicting emotions about it. These are just MY opinions...
The cost, supporting a 2nd household when we have a spare bedroom right here is a strain financially and since she went straight from inpatient she didn't have a job.
In the 30 days she has been at the recovery house 6 women have been thrown out for using, all in pairs, which means (to me at least) that someone relapses and drags someone else down with them. I worry about that A LOT, especially knowing her current roommate has pretty much stopped attending meetings and still has not gotten a sponsor.
Depending on the house- some rules to me are just ridiculous. One house (we rejected) had a rule that no one could be in the house between 8AM and 5PM every day. Well, if you don't have a job what the heck do you do all day? My daughter's house,to me, seems to have no oversight, for example, residents are required to attend 5 AA meetings a week but in 30 days there no one has actually checked to make sure they are attending. As long as they leave the house saying that is where they are going, that's it. Another rule, the alarm is put on at 11PM (curfew), if not in you are out. Well the girls just go down, switch off the alarm and let the offender in. AND with these lax rules, 6 women still got kicked out?
So why do we have her there? We didn't know most of this until she visited us this past weekend. We are debating bringing her home.
The cost, supporting a 2nd household when we have a spare bedroom right here is a strain financially and since she went straight from inpatient she didn't have a job.
In the 30 days she has been at the recovery house 6 women have been thrown out for using, all in pairs, which means (to me at least) that someone relapses and drags someone else down with them. I worry about that A LOT, especially knowing her current roommate has pretty much stopped attending meetings and still has not gotten a sponsor.
Depending on the house- some rules to me are just ridiculous. One house (we rejected) had a rule that no one could be in the house between 8AM and 5PM every day. Well, if you don't have a job what the heck do you do all day? My daughter's house,to me, seems to have no oversight, for example, residents are required to attend 5 AA meetings a week but in 30 days there no one has actually checked to make sure they are attending. As long as they leave the house saying that is where they are going, that's it. Another rule, the alarm is put on at 11PM (curfew), if not in you are out. Well the girls just go down, switch off the alarm and let the offender in. AND with these lax rules, 6 women still got kicked out?
So why do we have her there? We didn't know most of this until she visited us this past weekend. We are debating bringing her home.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Leana,
IF it's an Oxford House - each house is a bit different. The standard rules for all houses are that you can be kicked for 1. Drinking or using 2. Non-payment of rent 3. Disruptive behavior.
Other pretty standard rules are that you must have a job or do at least 30 hours per week of community service. Everyone has a curfew of some sort and must attend meetings or do something towards their recovery (such as therapy, church, other meetings), in my house it was 3 times per week. After a month of probation it's on your honor but generally it's becomes obvious when someone isn't working on themselves.
I lived in my house for 2 years, and I can't tell you how many women came in and out. It was a ton. Sometimes in pairs, sometimes not. That's just the way it goes. I saw just as many stay sober and have gone on to live successful lives.
It can be a struggle to live there but I can't begin to tell you how much I learned about myself, about conflict resolution, and personal responsibility, just to name a few.
Rules are no fun!
IF it's an Oxford House - each house is a bit different. The standard rules for all houses are that you can be kicked for 1. Drinking or using 2. Non-payment of rent 3. Disruptive behavior.
Other pretty standard rules are that you must have a job or do at least 30 hours per week of community service. Everyone has a curfew of some sort and must attend meetings or do something towards their recovery (such as therapy, church, other meetings), in my house it was 3 times per week. After a month of probation it's on your honor but generally it's becomes obvious when someone isn't working on themselves.
I lived in my house for 2 years, and I can't tell you how many women came in and out. It was a ton. Sometimes in pairs, sometimes not. That's just the way it goes. I saw just as many stay sober and have gone on to live successful lives.
It can be a struggle to live there but I can't begin to tell you how much I learned about myself, about conflict resolution, and personal responsibility, just to name a few.
Rules are no fun!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
They are all different.
I believe that the loved one may need help for the first month or two. In my opinion they should get a job and support themselves in the household. That's the real world and should be part of the transition.
I believe that the loved one may need help for the first month or two. In my opinion they should get a job and support themselves in the household. That's the real world and should be part of the transition.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 27
Thanks everyone for your input. His plan (from what I've heard) is that he will continue to work, though hopefully at a different company as his current employer is a trigger, and live in sober housing for a few months. I'm hoping things are different for him this time because whether or not we ever work it out, I want him to be well for himself.
Edit: Meanwhile, I've been away from him for a week now, and things are clearer to me now. I feel I get stronger everyday. I've learned I have boundaries and a bottom line, but I'm still defining what those are.
Edit: Meanwhile, I've been away from him for a week now, and things are clearer to me now. I feel I get stronger everyday. I've learned I have boundaries and a bottom line, but I'm still defining what those are.
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