Back at Square 1!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 79
Back at Square 1!
So..........for those who haven't read my previous posts, let me quickly summarise:
My RXABF moved out nearly 4 weeks ago now after just over 6 months of recovery (he is now at 7 months). He said he couldn't really deal with a relationship & deal with his own recovery too. I was devastated as it was completely out of the blue and since I had been the one to find meetings, support him and put up with his ups & downs, I felt like it was a kick in the teeth.
I joined this site a week ago and since then, I have began to realise that Im not going to get any gratitude for it, nor am I expecting it. I have learned that this seems to be a common behaviour for addicts in recovery and I was beginning to come to terms with it. I was all set to take the 'No Contact' approach & start on my own road to recovery but I bought him a van a few months ago so that he could work and earn money for his own independence and sanity (his idea, not mines). This hasn't happened yet so after seeking advice about the vehicle, I was advised to get it back & cut all contact. Then we started sending the odd text and he came up for the odd cup of tea, which I was fine with because I was straight in my head that we weren't getting back into a relationship or getting involved in eachothers recovery but then he came up and stayed lastnight.
Today, however, he came into my work and said he would pop up later as we needed to chat. I knew what this meant and sure enough it was exactly as I thought 'We really need to cut ties, sell the van & concentrate on ourselves'. I knew this anyway but, although Im not as hurt & devastated as I was when he moved out on 8th October, I do still feel quite down again!
I know it was a stupid thing to do but, like I said, I was straight in my head that I didn't want a relationship back but felt ok with the odd text or catch up over a cuppa. After all, he was a big part of my life & #I still love & care about him. Now I feel like Im back at square 1 & Im dreading going to sleep tonight to waken up with the realisation he's out of my life again.
Although I know I have to move on and I WANT to move on, I just wish the 'grieving' process was over & I was on my way back up (emotionally).
Just wanted to share how Im feeling rather than torture myself with it by keeping it in
My RXABF moved out nearly 4 weeks ago now after just over 6 months of recovery (he is now at 7 months). He said he couldn't really deal with a relationship & deal with his own recovery too. I was devastated as it was completely out of the blue and since I had been the one to find meetings, support him and put up with his ups & downs, I felt like it was a kick in the teeth.
I joined this site a week ago and since then, I have began to realise that Im not going to get any gratitude for it, nor am I expecting it. I have learned that this seems to be a common behaviour for addicts in recovery and I was beginning to come to terms with it. I was all set to take the 'No Contact' approach & start on my own road to recovery but I bought him a van a few months ago so that he could work and earn money for his own independence and sanity (his idea, not mines). This hasn't happened yet so after seeking advice about the vehicle, I was advised to get it back & cut all contact. Then we started sending the odd text and he came up for the odd cup of tea, which I was fine with because I was straight in my head that we weren't getting back into a relationship or getting involved in eachothers recovery but then he came up and stayed lastnight.
Today, however, he came into my work and said he would pop up later as we needed to chat. I knew what this meant and sure enough it was exactly as I thought 'We really need to cut ties, sell the van & concentrate on ourselves'. I knew this anyway but, although Im not as hurt & devastated as I was when he moved out on 8th October, I do still feel quite down again!
I know it was a stupid thing to do but, like I said, I was straight in my head that I didn't want a relationship back but felt ok with the odd text or catch up over a cuppa. After all, he was a big part of my life & #I still love & care about him. Now I feel like Im back at square 1 & Im dreading going to sleep tonight to waken up with the realisation he's out of my life again.
Although I know I have to move on and I WANT to move on, I just wish the 'grieving' process was over & I was on my way back up (emotionally).
Just wanted to share how Im feeling rather than torture myself with it by keeping it in
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 628
Its normal. It just takes time. Part of the stages of grief. The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief | Psych Central
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You were doing well with your own recovery until the contact recurred.
Selling the car is a good idea, you don't want to be responsible for somebody else's vehicle.
My thoughts are to cut you losses and keep moving ahead with your life.
Hugs
Selling the car is a good idea, you don't want to be responsible for somebody else's vehicle.
My thoughts are to cut you losses and keep moving ahead with your life.
Hugs
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