Wife comes home next week....Nervous...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 2
Wife comes home next week....Nervous...
Hi everyone...
So its been a crazy few months. My wife is in a 30 day rehab and comes home in a few days. I've visited her and she looks like a new person. Very confident, peaceful and full of love. She has a plan for active recovery and wants to work on our marriage and regain my trust.
Her addiction was very well managed all year... Infrequent xanax use for work stress. Very functional and doing well at work. During the summer, we both got very difficult projects and didnt see much of each other. She felt neglected and alone, and her subtle addiction to anxiety medication spiraled until over the last 2 months she meet the wrong people and escalated into doing every drug under the sun. She turned into a walking zombie...not sleeping and not making sense.
Another very difficult part to deal with is that during the last few weeks, she was hooking up with her drug dealer.
I found this out, stayed strong and got her into a rehab. Over the last 26 days or so, Ive been supportive and available, but the lies and cheating have eaten me up alive.
She has apologized, been very remorseful, wrote me letters, called me every time she was allowed and during the weekend visitation, I felt she had an authentic wish to heal, to make amends and work towards building a family and a healthy home. She was amazing in her presence and understanding of what I have been through, saying she will prove to me that she can earn my trust and devotion back.
Our marriage for the last 3 years has been full of trust and for the most part, love and communication. Still, I know there are things to work on.
I guess Im just reaching out cuz ive had a lot of anxiety about what happens next....and how I can participate in a healthy way as well as process the cheating with her and move on.
Anyone been through this?
So its been a crazy few months. My wife is in a 30 day rehab and comes home in a few days. I've visited her and she looks like a new person. Very confident, peaceful and full of love. She has a plan for active recovery and wants to work on our marriage and regain my trust.
Her addiction was very well managed all year... Infrequent xanax use for work stress. Very functional and doing well at work. During the summer, we both got very difficult projects and didnt see much of each other. She felt neglected and alone, and her subtle addiction to anxiety medication spiraled until over the last 2 months she meet the wrong people and escalated into doing every drug under the sun. She turned into a walking zombie...not sleeping and not making sense.
Another very difficult part to deal with is that during the last few weeks, she was hooking up with her drug dealer.
I found this out, stayed strong and got her into a rehab. Over the last 26 days or so, Ive been supportive and available, but the lies and cheating have eaten me up alive.
She has apologized, been very remorseful, wrote me letters, called me every time she was allowed and during the weekend visitation, I felt she had an authentic wish to heal, to make amends and work towards building a family and a healthy home. She was amazing in her presence and understanding of what I have been through, saying she will prove to me that she can earn my trust and devotion back.
Our marriage for the last 3 years has been full of trust and for the most part, love and communication. Still, I know there are things to work on.
I guess Im just reaching out cuz ive had a lot of anxiety about what happens next....and how I can participate in a healthy way as well as process the cheating with her and move on.
Anyone been through this?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
I understand your nervousness, I felt the same way when my daughter was being released from in-patient a few weeks ago; she however didn't come home. She is completing an outpatient program and living in a sober house. Truthfully, I am surprised your wife showed that much change in such a short amount of time, my daughter certainly didn't. I was expecting an "end of the show Intervention" moment but I just got basically the same kid only sober.
I tell you this because I am concerned that your wife might be "pretending" she's doing better than she really is for your sake and to "get everything back" to the way it was.
My daughter's counselor said it best "30 days allows time to detox from the alcohol/drugs, it isn't anywhere near enough time to "fix" the underlying problems that started you drinking/doing drugs in the first place.
I tell you this because I am concerned that your wife might be "pretending" she's doing better than she really is for your sake and to "get everything back" to the way it was.
My daughter's counselor said it best "30 days allows time to detox from the alcohol/drugs, it isn't anywhere near enough time to "fix" the underlying problems that started you drinking/doing drugs in the first place.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 2
Thanks for the replies!
Leana....I guess we have to be content with the fact that at least they took the first of many steps ahead?
Im sure there is a bit of rallying herself to convince me she is ready to get us back to the way it was. We've been together six years......most of which has been great. While we both have issues that have been avoided dealing with by looking to unhealthy behavior....i would hope we have put in the time and the investment to give us something to fight for.
I dont see us ever getting back to the way it was.....but Im hopeful that we can get to a better place than before. One where honesty and transparency are values that we can hold high....and remember what happens when we forget.
There is certainly concern about the building of trust.... I hope she wouldn't misrepresent her intentions if she had real doubts as to whether we could make it through? or she could? Of course coming back to the real world is the ultimate test.
I suppose only time will tell and I have to take things one day at a time. I never thought what happened could happen.
I feel that this time apart really showed us what we had and what it would be like if we lost it forever..... Its so scary being home and wondering... Been in limbo and just want to get on with life.
Leana....I guess we have to be content with the fact that at least they took the first of many steps ahead?
Im sure there is a bit of rallying herself to convince me she is ready to get us back to the way it was. We've been together six years......most of which has been great. While we both have issues that have been avoided dealing with by looking to unhealthy behavior....i would hope we have put in the time and the investment to give us something to fight for.
I dont see us ever getting back to the way it was.....but Im hopeful that we can get to a better place than before. One where honesty and transparency are values that we can hold high....and remember what happens when we forget.
There is certainly concern about the building of trust.... I hope she wouldn't misrepresent her intentions if she had real doubts as to whether we could make it through? or she could? Of course coming back to the real world is the ultimate test.
I suppose only time will tell and I have to take things one day at a time. I never thought what happened could happen.
I feel that this time apart really showed us what we had and what it would be like if we lost it forever..... Its so scary being home and wondering... Been in limbo and just want to get on with life.
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