Txhelp

Hang in there.....often they come back when their resources run out! Hopefully he will stay sober even if you aren't in his life.

I think the rejection is worse when you have "helped" the addict through tough times....they get sober and dump you. Isn't that the ultimate in rejection. Bite the hand that feed you!

Write a list of pros and cons of staying connected to him. How does it look?

Expectations are for you and not for him.... at this point he doesn't care.

gothbarbie

yes I think i will start to focus on that. its really what I need to do BC he's. really not worth it after all the things he put me through.

gothbarbie

he's currently living in Malibu sober living homes I think. but as far his resources running. out it may happen. I dunno his sister seems to take on any of his problems and make them her own. she's. the one whose. always enabling him along with her husband and their. cousin whose also a drug addict. she was real quick to push me out of the picture. though.

KeepinItReal

I have had to learn that I cannot change people! That's his family and always will be. No matter what. Read the book. "Hes just not that into you"
Also... enablers aren't the major problem! He is.
Have you admitted your powerless over your addiction?? (Him)
Find some stability or make it yourself and treat it like a newborn baby.

gothbarbie

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with what you just said you need to be a little nicer in your post you come across as extremely rude and I don't appreciate it. actually he wasn't any it's just the drugs that took over how would you know you weren't even f****** there and yes also enablers are a major problem they will keep him using by giving him resources where is if he hit rock bottom he wouldn't have that problem

KeepinItReal

My husbands whole family are drug dealers. He chose heroin over me and his kids MANY times. I have read that book and it helped me understand I deserve better. My husband is in jail for his drugs. He wasn't into me... he was into sex, money and whatever else. It wasn't love!
I'm not saying he wasn't into you! Its a book!
I'm sorry if I was rude. I have also been through hell. Sorry for coming off uncaring.
I actually paid for my husband to go 1,000 miles away (hid family really angry) so he could re learn what sober felt like. I had to let him go for the first year besides phone contact.

KeepinItReal

I was enabling him to make HIS life better. His brother and sisters enable him to get drugs easy. If you read my posts u can see what being in a relationship with an addict is and how "great " it is.

gothbarbie

well I accept your apology. my emotions have been at an all. time high

gothbarbie

well I've gotten a surprising yet bittersweet update on him .. found out that he has gotten a black kitten. which oddly enough is what I always told him I wanted us to get together and now he has one??? I dunno if they allow that in sober living or what but its breaking my heart BC now I'm thinking he's met someone in recovery that might've gotten for him.... ugh I find it odd that he got the same kind of Kitty I wanted but yet I still haven't heard a word from him.....I need kind words at this time.... m

SilentLove

I totally understand what you mean!!! After my ex fiance and I broke up, he got two dogs that he had wanted us to get when we were together but had not gotten to it because of work! It's heartbreaking to know that they are still doing things without us in their life while we are hurting.

gothbarbie

yea I know what's up with that??? are the animal that we wanted somehow us that they are looking at I don't know anymore. I still can't help but feel extremely cheated. I mean of all the colors in the world of black kitten the same one that I wanted and he is not making one effort to reach out to me at all I don't understand anymore I just give up :/

SilentLove

Sigh.. I don't know what is going on in their heads. I'd like to know because this doesn't feel very good. He even named one of them close to the sound of my name!!!! maybe it's a way of them keeping us close.. I have no clue. Just keep living your life. Hope for the best, expect the worst. Wish I could take my own advice.. Lol

anotherfool

I feel sorry for the animals, personally.

SilentLove

Why?!

anotherfool

I would never trust my ex-A with another life. She was too impulsive/inattentive. From other sources, I've heard she wants a dog, which will be great until she's bored/high/stupid/impulsive/forgetful/lazy/broke. Dogs deserve better.

SilentLove

Hmm can they become responsible people when they know another life is depending on them? The animals are probably just filling a void :/

anotherfool

I doubt the responsibility part, and agree with the filling a void part. Sorry for the tangent, it just reminded me that my ex, more than once, asked if I would leave my dog to her if I died (funny, yes, but also no). I told her flat out I would sooner leave her to a rescue agency, who would care for her, and find her an appropriate home, than with my ex. That never went over well.

I'm kind of a jerk sometimes. Lol.

gothbarbie

still haven't heard a word from him & it's seriously bothering me. I haven't reached out nor am i going to but ugh my heart is beyond heavy these days. I'm really trying guys, I really am but I miss him & I just want some sort of closure or at least to be genuinley happy again :/ Anyone else have more bad days than good with this problem????

SilentLove

gothbarbie,

I am having a terrible day. today's supposed to be our wedding day...

I woke up this morning at 4AM in tears. I had dreamt that I was cleaning up my desk at work and he came out and said 'everything will be ok' and we stared into each other's eyes and i bawled my eyes out.......

I haven't stopped thinking about him at all....

today's almost over though. glad i'm still alive and breathing...

gothbarbie

so still no word from yours either huh? :/ it's so ****** how they can just throw us away after everything we've gone thru with them. ugh I keep thinking he's gotten someone else but thankfully I've had enough will power not to check it out. I'm under enough depression as it is. Hope things get better for you hun <3