Two weeks
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
Two weeks
Two week to go until RAH is coming home. I'm not sure what to expect. I'm excited and happy but also fearful and worried.
He's been in jail and sober for 2.5 months when he comes home. I know that's not a long time... and usually he relapses at 6 months sobriety.
He's suppose to be going to a 14 month program but he started saying he will try it.. and if he doesn't like it stuff. This makes me worried.
I wrote him a long letter on the way that I felt, and that if he really wanted to stay sober he would work it and complete it even if he was less than comfortable.
I told him that I would not be ready for us to plan anything and me help him get on his feet again. That I was sick of being on this roller coaster of worry and sadness. (yet i'm still on it) I told him I needed the years time to focus on me and the kids and to better my situation without having to help him do anything (which i'm proud of). Also, buying him a couple pair of jeans and coffee a few times is much different than buying another car and supporting him for the first two weeks of a new job. (again)
I explained again, how I was letting him stay so we can hang out for a bit before he goes to this 14 months program. I made it clear that I was only letting him come home based on the faith/hope that he would be going and actually be changing his life for himself.
I'm NOT sorry that I won't help him more. I'm NOT sorry that I refuse to support anything else because of the short term nature of 90 day programs and the distance between other programs from our home.
I'm a single mom, with two kids, works full time!! I'm not driving 2-3 hours twice a month (or longer) and then him come home without a job, without a plan!
I guess i'm just at the end of my rope! HE showed interest and he initiated the "honest" interest and wrote a letter (to admissions) of how badly he wanted to get into this program. Maybe it's manipulation maybe it wasn't.
Anyway, just venting.
He's been in jail and sober for 2.5 months when he comes home. I know that's not a long time... and usually he relapses at 6 months sobriety.
He's suppose to be going to a 14 month program but he started saying he will try it.. and if he doesn't like it stuff. This makes me worried.
I wrote him a long letter on the way that I felt, and that if he really wanted to stay sober he would work it and complete it even if he was less than comfortable.
I told him that I would not be ready for us to plan anything and me help him get on his feet again. That I was sick of being on this roller coaster of worry and sadness. (yet i'm still on it) I told him I needed the years time to focus on me and the kids and to better my situation without having to help him do anything (which i'm proud of). Also, buying him a couple pair of jeans and coffee a few times is much different than buying another car and supporting him for the first two weeks of a new job. (again)
I explained again, how I was letting him stay so we can hang out for a bit before he goes to this 14 months program. I made it clear that I was only letting him come home based on the faith/hope that he would be going and actually be changing his life for himself.
I'm NOT sorry that I won't help him more. I'm NOT sorry that I refuse to support anything else because of the short term nature of 90 day programs and the distance between other programs from our home.
I'm a single mom, with two kids, works full time!! I'm not driving 2-3 hours twice a month (or longer) and then him come home without a job, without a plan!
I guess i'm just at the end of my rope! HE showed interest and he initiated the "honest" interest and wrote a letter (to admissions) of how badly he wanted to get into this program. Maybe it's manipulation maybe it wasn't.
Anyway, just venting.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
I feel where your coming from with your feelings and worries. My husband is coming home from rehab within a week, and something has happened to all of us meaning me, him, his parents, some close friends. we're all getting worried, he doesnt want to do certain follow up the doctor advises, his parents had a big argument with him on sunday when they went to visit, and now he is overall angry and in a bad mood. His parents are trying to tell me I have to stand my ground and not let him come home unless he does certain things. I have never been through this before and dont know what I even feel or think, you have and I think with the history and with kids at home your right in setting down your expectations, needs, boundaries. Looks like this does not get easier when repeated.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
I have decided not to send the letter. I don't want to take any power away from him by "persuading" him into anything.
He's saying he is going, and will try it. I think he just has cold feet about it because it is a big investment of time.
When he comes home he's planning on going to his NA meetings. However, without a car, and without me letting him use mine it might be difficult. But, if he wants to go, he will find another way besides my car.
I really have to be honest with myself and honest with what is/isn't okay.
Day by day!!
Instead i'm writing him this quote I saw today;
BE not a slave of your own past. Plunge into sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
He's saying he is going, and will try it. I think he just has cold feet about it because it is a big investment of time.
When he comes home he's planning on going to his NA meetings. However, without a car, and without me letting him use mine it might be difficult. But, if he wants to go, he will find another way besides my car.
I really have to be honest with myself and honest with what is/isn't okay.
Day by day!!
Instead i'm writing him this quote I saw today;
BE not a slave of your own past. Plunge into sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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