jjj111

My sister has been addicted to opiates for 15+ years. Last month she went to a detox program for a few days. She also got an implant in her arm that releases medication that blocks opiates--something called naltrexone that I guess is supposed to prevent opiates from having any effect. So I guess it's different than suboxone, which I think actually acts similar to an opiate. (I know much more about all this than I ever wanted to.)

Anyway, it's been less than a month and she is complaining that she feels sick all the time and wants to get the naltrexone implant taken out. She has convinced herself that these aren't withdrawal symptoms, that she is actually having side effects from the naltrexone. Very convenient, since if she stops taking the naltrexone, she can start taking opiates again and feel their effects.

I guess I just feel like this whole "detox" plan of hers is falling apart, and it annoys me. I want to lecture her, tell her what to do, etc. And I know I can't! I know it would just make her resent me and make me feel even more bogged down in her addiction. Life is too short to waste my energy trying to control something that is so totally out of my control. So I just told her that I'm sure she will figure it out with the help of her therapist, sponsor, meetings, doctor, etc. I know she probably isn't really going to meetings or consulting with the guy she chose as a sponsor (who lives in another state from her, very convenient.) I guess I couldn't resist digging at her by mentioning meetings and a sponsor, knowing she is probably not doing that stuff. My passive aggressive codie tendencies are so hard to resist!

Anyway, I've been working hard during this whole detox attempt to stay focused on myself, not get too much into her business, etc. I feel like I've done a pretty good job. But I just get so tired of this merry-go-round. I have times when I feel like there is no point in even communicating with her, that it just shoots up my anxiety level, that she is never going to make a change, etc. So I come here to vent. Thanks for listening!

lizwig

Hi jjj, I've heard it said that addiction looks like addiction and recovery looks like recovery. It sounds like your sister is claiming recovery while maintaining a lot of addictive behaviors. It always slays me that they think we can't see through the manipulation. You have done a good job of not reacting, of trying to be the change in the dynamic....just keep working on you. That is where you'll see the biggest payoff. The truth will come out soon enough...it always does. Xx

jjj111

Thanks, Liz! It's nice just to have some affirmation that this doesn't look like recovery. I guess that's one of the things that bugs me, too, the manipulation. It's hard to remember sometimes that it's not my job to call her out on her BS. I feel like by letting it slide, I am somehow endorsing her manipulation. I have to keep reminding myself that recovery is her choice to make, or not, and all I can do is work on me.

Twofish

Dear jjj111, Well, as I see it, if she's so "sick" take her or have her go to the Dr.? Maybe she has the flu? Just my opinion...TF

jjj111

Thanks, TF! She actually lives in another state, but I think that even if I were closer I wouldn't want to take her to the doctor, just because I feel pretty done with trying to help her. She's a big girl and can take care of herself. Also, she has a long history of hypochondria and doctor shopping related to her pain pill addiction, so I wouldn't really want to get involved in her medical care. But I don't think it's the flu, I think this is just what withdrawal from a 15+ year opiate habit feels like!

Hadley

Her "sickness" could be alot of things.

I am a recovered heroin addict as well as a codependent so I have been in both worlds and she might be depressed which causes people to think they are sick when they aren't or she could be having a reaction to the implant, or she might just be faking it all just to get it out so she can get high. There are stories of people literally trying to rip out the implant at home with a knife..so nothing is impossible.

The good news is, it is HER problem and SHE needs to deal with it. As you said she is an adult and she will do what she wants to do. Sure, she is going on and on about it because she wants someone to agree with her that taking the implant out is the best thing and that in fact she NEEDS to take it out because her health is being affected. Don't give her that satisfaction and don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure her out.

It is hard to not lecture and not let them know what we think. I swear I shouldn't have a tongue left from how hard I have to bite it sometimes but in the end they wouldn't take our advice anyway and therefore, it is best to just distance ourselves.

Keep coming here and venting because the more we get it all out the better we will feel.

jjj111

Thanks, Hadley! I needed to be reminded that trying to figure her out isn't my job! I always think I have the answers for her, but really it's just impossible to get in someone else's head and know what they need or what they intend or ANYTHING really! I am wondering if I need to find some kind of boundary like "I am not anyone's recovery coach." I have been reading her e-mails and responding with encouragement and affirmation because I felt like she was taking positive steps and I wanted to be positive back, but maybe I need to be a little more firm about this boundary and say something like "I'm sorry you're going through this, but I don't think I am really the right person to talk to about it."

jjj111

And wow, people cutting the implant out with a knife, that is a real eye opener!!!

Upsetnneedhelp

They have that in a pill form also. But, naturally, addicts would simply stop taking the pill and then get high on heroin. So they invented the implant. Luckily, she seems like she is just a opiete addict and doesn't use other drugs? Because the implant would not prevent a person from doing coke and getting high.

jjj111

Her DOC is opiates, but she has been into coke in the past, too, and she mentioned a year or so ago that her baby's father had been bringing coke around, so...that's something I hadn't thought of. Who knows what she might be doing to take the edge off? I guess that's part of the problem with trying to re-establish a relationship with her right now. We had minimal contact before her detox, but since then I've wanted to try to be there for her a little, but then I feel like I have no idea what goes on with her and no trust in her to be honest with me.

Upsetnneedhelp

jjj, some Dr's may make this implant seem like the answer for addiction. Of course, it helps but it's just a tool. They have antabuse for alcoholics that make them deathly sick if they drink booze. But they can just stop taking the pill or get high on drugs.

jjj111

Yes, she might not be ready to do what it takes to get clean. I guess I have to be OK with that. I think she was looking for a quick fix with the rapid detox and the implant, but maybe she didn't realize that there would still be a lot of suffering and hard work involved. Anyway, I guess that's her side of the fence and I just have to keep tending to my own serenity. I am realizing that I have been spending almost as much energy trying to be nonjudgmental and hands off as I used to spend trying to fix her. Maybe it's time to minimize contact again for a while.