MLJ88

Atalose- you are prob right about others knowing bc they do make little comments about him not looking healthy- my dad always asks me everytime I see him if I'm ok and "do you need to talk." I always lie and say life is great. It's amazing how so many others have been right where I am right now and I am finding so much comfort in knowing this.

Help4hubby, thank you so much for sharing your story- it helps to know that's someone else is right where I am. It's also refreshing to know that I'm not crazy for hanging on like this- for having every desire to stick it out as of right now. I reached out to my husbands mother a few months ago, but honestly it's just made it worse for me. He's the only child and she has let him get away with murder since he was a baby- she never has disciplined him, never encouraged him to do the right thing when he was doing the wrong, she worried too much his whole life about him liking her rather then being parent. Naturally, she's worried but she also is obsessing and expecting me to do something. She's too afraid to say anything to him, but she wants me to. She's afraid he will be mad at her (big surprise, the exact reason why she has never reached out to him). She has only made it worse for me and I now have gone back to lying to her about it too. I am so happy though that I found this site, I hope I don't bother anyone with all the on going questions and need for advice, but right now this site is all I have to let this out on. Thanks to everyone for the support!

help4hubby

Omg! My husband is an only child too and let me tell you as much as I love my mother in-law and as helpful as she has been, she is also part of the problem. She enablef him for years and still does at times. She had him when she was young and they didn't have a typical mother/child relationship. It was more of a friend relationship. She raised him on her own and I think she wanted to be the "cool mom". It's so frustrating I know. My husband works for his stepfather who is a few years younger than his mom, he is more like a big brother. Even though he is his boss he lets him get away with things that nobody else would get by with. I'm sure you feel like this is all on you to "fix"/handle and I'm so sorry. Just remember you do have choices. You do have control of your life. Addiction can make you feel powerless but you aren't. When people first told me to focus on myself I thought they were crazy! I thought what do you mean?!!! HE has the problem! I need to fix him not myself! I've learned now you can't "fix" another person and spending all my time, effort and energy on HIM will only drive me crazy. Don't ever apologize or feel like you can say too much on here! This is YOUR place to talk, vent and find support. I love it here! I have found so much support and great advice here and I'm sure you will too. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers :-)