raspberryswirl

Hi everyone, this is my first post here.

I've been with my bf for 4 years and when we first got together I smoked weed and drank with him. I had a bad experience with X, had a horrible panic attack and quit everything within a few months. This was when we had been together for 2 months.

Over the years he has become violent a very violent drunk, something he never did when I first met him. He has on several occasions verbally abused me pretty badly and has slapped me in the face one time. He has also damaged quite a bit of his own property while drunk as well as some of mine. I told him he needed to quit drinking after he hit me and he "convinced" me it wasn't a problem and agreed to cut down. This was around last Christmas. This past August he got **** faced drunk and showed up at my house and spit in my face multiple times. I told him to quit drinking of I was done, so he agreed.

He quit drinking but he's back smoking weed again. A little backstory: when I first met him he had a well paying job somewhat involved with the government and he lost it due to failing a drug test for marijuana. Since then he has been arrested twice and was on probation for a year. The probation ended this August, right after the spitting in my face incident. I told him before he got off probation that I really couldn't accept him smoking the way he did before. He used to "wake and bake" and would smoke about 10 separate times per day. He's back to his old ways and claims he "just started again" and he will cut back after awhile. I know this is a lie.

We got in a huge fight a couple weeks ago due to him lying about having a beer in his car, he claimed it was his friends and I don't believe him. I got pissed and said either completely cut out the drinking and weed or I'm breaking up with you. I went to my parent's house for 4 days and he told me he would quit. The day after he told me he would quit he got really nasty with me and said "well what am I going to do with my bong?" So, the bong was more important than me obviously. He tells me later that day that when he said he would quit he really meant that he would "cut down a lot". He agreed to smoke only on the weekends, 1-2 days a week.

So last week (his first week of "cutting back") I find out he's already lied about smoking after work, the fact that he had the weed at all, how much he bought and how much he spent. He also changed his bank password so I couldn't go in and find out how much he spent or when (he denies he changed it though). He claims he lied so I wouldn't bitch. He also said that if I just let him do what he wanted he wouldn't have to lie. He's said again he will completely quit this time. I asked him to please clarify that he means quitting and not cutting down and he said yes, quit.

I'm supposed to meet up with him tonight to discuss this. I've been back at my parent's house for 5 days and haven't seen him at all. Before he agreed to quit though he told me that I have to quit buying/using makeup, which is my only hobby. I do spend a lot on it, but its my hard earned money and it's not illegal/getting me in trouble. How can I possibly get him to see that he's being stupid about this? I haven't asked him to give up his other 2 hobbies that don't get him into trouble. I don't feel that I'm asking for a lot. He's 26 and I'm about to turn 25. We have been staying with his parents for the last 3 years and he won't find a decent job. All his money goes to weed and he couldn't pass a drug test to get a job anyway. He claims he's not an addict, but I know he is. How can I convince him that he needs help?

Txhelp

It doesn't sound like he's ready to quit.

Stay at your parents house, for safety and boundary reasons. I don't see a reason to reunite at this point.

Recovery is on him ONLY. You aren't the guard; security agent; mother; professional. You shouldn't have to be.

Until he shows action, on his part....I would limit this toxic contact.