February13

I went to pick up my ex the other day, he wanted to spend some time with our
daughter (and she was very excited to see daddy). Our girl ran right in his
house and we let her run around a little. Then...I saw a syringe a few feet
from where she was standing, it was poking up on a pile of clothes. I was
pretty freaked out... her dad grabbed it and Accused me of planting it!!!

So either he is shooting up (most likely) or he is allowing someone else in his
house who is shooting up. He is denying both.

We still went to eat at the restaurant as we had planned.

But knowing what I know I do not feel comfortable bringing my daughter into
his house anymore. I do not feel that it is safe there, even for a few
minutes. But it feels like I almost forget at times, like when I think "Christmas is in 2 months from now, I guess we'll celebrate at his house". It's like there is a part of me that truly wants to believe him. That he is not shooting up, that his house is safe. Is that what denial is like? I scare myself. and I surprise myself.

He just called as I am typing this. I asked him about the syringe again. He said he is not using syringes, that nobody else has been in the house and that he has no idea how that syringe got there. Then he added "I wouldn't lie to you".
Somehow it hurt to hear that... how could it not be a lie?

SilentLove

That is hard to take. :/

bluebelle

Your title says it all. I think you already know the answer. Clean (non-using) people do not have syringes sticking up between items of clothing. It does not sound safe for your daughter to be there.

interrupted

The bottom line is that it doesn't matter if he's lying (he is), what matters is that your daughter was nearly stuck by a dirty hypodermic needle. Regardless of how it got there, it was there, right next to her, so his story of how it got there is rather beside the point at this time.

I'm sorry you had to go through this, it sounds really scary. And then the accusation that you brought it and planted it? Wow. Just wow.

Sookie10

It isn't safe for your daughter to be there. There is no reasonable excuse for someone to have a syringe in their house, minus a few medical explanations.
My toddler found a crack pipe of my brothers that he stashed in my parents living room (while he was living there). Even faced with it right then & there- he denied that it was his. Really.

atalose

I think you’ve walked down the recovery path far enough to know that “you know what you know is the truth” and no amount of trying to hold onto any future fantasy (xmas at his house) is going to change that truth.

So how about you start thinking about Christmas in your own “safe” home with your daughter and if you chose to invite him then that’s ok cause you know what you know and there are no syringes in your house.

KeepinItReal

He would have to understand why it isn't safe in his home for his daughter. I can't see him arguing his way out of this. It was there, you know you didn't plant it.

You cannot trust him with her as much as he loves her and she loves him. I know that he would never INTENTIONALLY do anything. My husband wouldn't either. Your not dealing with someone in their right mind.

Make plans elsewhere. He has no ground to stand on. She could have gotten hurt, sick or killed from that syringe. (you know this)
He made his home unsafe, NOT YOU.
If she gets hurt there it will be your responsibility, you will be charged with child endangerment, because you knowingly left your child with an addict.
It's riding the line of weather you should call CPS or not. I probably would, after everything I have been through, that would have been my breaking point.

KeepinItReal

Also, I would like to add. I was told (by the police) that if I called CPS and they did find something in his house (parents house) or that he tested positive for any drugs when it was his time for visits that CPS would end the visit and require supervised visitation. I would do ANYTHING to protect my children. That includes leaving the man that I really love... even if it is a sickness, I will not allow his disease to hurt my kids. EVER.

February13

My daughter is never alone with her dad. I guess I supervise the visits.
I also offered for him to pay for an agency to supervise but he doesn't care to do that.
Until now I felt that by being there things were safe enough.
I guess that's still mostly true as long as we do not go to his house.
I do expect things to get worse over the next few months. Hopefully no more suicide threats since I called 911 the last time... but tantrums and him saying that he would be better dead and crying and blaming me for everything of course.
I do not allow my daughter around him when he is acting that weird.

I am hoping to move before christmas, it's difficult to picture Christmas in a new place
we haven't found yet...I know we'll be okay, it's just hard.

atalose

February13 it sounds like you are becoming aware of the addicts manipulation tactics. And kudos to you for calling 911. Any time ANYONE threatens suicide that is the correct response to that. Good girl!!!! I think for us the loved ones when we become aware of those tactics, tantrums, crying and self pity we are much better prepared emotionally to deal with them.

Certainly your child does not need to be around an adult-child witnessing “weird” things and You certainly do not have to tolerate that either.

Sometimes changing Geographic’s is a good thing, a fresh start, a new beginning something to look forward to. But sometimes there is no escaping our own emotions and when we bring that heavy load along with us, nothing changes…….its a choice, a process of letting go.