SilentLove

For the past week, I have been dreaming of my ex fiance and I wake up to only feel alone with my heart sunken to the bottom of my stomach. It has been a struggle to try and focus on myself. I would go out with friends but once I step foot in my room, I start to feel sad and empty. I miss him so much and we have not had any contact. He has not tried to contact me after letting me go from my job either. I have driven by his house a couple times last week just to see if he was home- he was home every time I had driven there which made me feel more at ease and less worried. I want to know how he's doing and what he has been up to but cannot break the no contact rule. But even if I did, I don't think he would talk to me partially because of the shame and guilt. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel I'm at a standstill. Why is it that he doesn't want to reach out to see how I'm doing or if I'm even ok after this whole ordeal? Has he moved on? Am I not important to him anymore? Do I even exist to him?

If anyone has anything to add, please feel free. I will greatly appreciate it.

overit263

It sounds like you have gone into the dangerous realm of obsessing. I feel sad from time to time- but it doesn't make me contact my ex. I would try to figure out another way to deal with the lack of closure.

SilentLove

I am still in disbelief that this happened a few months before our wedding... It's such a dramatic change. Is this really obsessing? It's not just feeling lost and confused?

AnvilheadII

the only mind and thoughts you can ever know are YOUR OWN. trying to get in someone else's head, figure out their motives, agendas, or feelings helps nothing, gets us nowhere.

you are left with the FACTS of the matter. he broke it off. he fired you. he is no longer in any sort of contact. THAT is what you deal with.

LoveMeNow

Driving by his house to see if he is home or not is obsessing and can be considered stalking behavior.

Have you considered making an appt with a therapist? The rug was pulled out from beneath, you landed hard, and that has to be very painful.

overit263

I know it's hard when it's a sudden change, but try to focus on you, and use his actions as closure. I know it feels confusing, but you are very VERY lucky that you dodged a major bullet. Trust me, mine is making divorcing him as difficult as possible.

KeepinItReal

I had a friend who experienced the "perfect guy" fiasco. He persuaded her to quit her job, let her get really close with his kids (for 2 years), bought her fancy presents, gave her massages, told her how beautiful she was all the time... and then BAM - cheats on her with her best friend, leaves her homeless, no car, and all of a sudden starts saying the nastiest things possible about her. (his kids still love her and visit her and talk to her all the time).
Anyway - she went to therapy and learned that HE had the problem. He built her up to purposely break her down. Can you imagine someone doing this on purpose?!?!?! Well, it's not unheard of. He may just be an uncaring person really showing his true colors. I know how painful it can be.
She's still in therapy. Still hates him... but knows she must forgive him for herself. So she can have peace. She's doing awesome now. She built back her life better than ever and will never look to another man for happiness again. Lesson learned (the hard way)
Not sure if this helps. Hopes it will. You may have dogged a bullet.