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Overwhelmed but still thankful

Old 10-18-2013, 06:42 PM
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Unhappy Overwhelmed but still thankful

HI All,
I first want to say I am so humbled by what I read here and see how many of you handle situations in your life. You are so much stronger than you know. Amazed by the amount of good people here who reach out to others even though going through so much of their own issues. Simply awesome.
My son hit 90 days sober and for that I am so grateful. Although I worry every time he walks out the door, I see positive changes in him. He hangs around only one friend who is sober, he is with a new girlfriend (although ex from before) who is so wonderful and supportive. So, while I have much to be thankful for, I am also feeling extremely overwhelmed and stressed.
I started working at a job I left 13 years ago. I have been training the last three days because of all new technology and other things that have changed. I have another job as well so will be doing this per diem.
My mother, who has Alzheimers and lives in another state with my dad, fell the other day and says she laid on the carpet for over an hour and a half. Not sure if this is true because of her Alzheimers although she has fallen about 5 or 6 times previously. My dad has had to call 911 when he cannot reach his neighbor to help lift her (she mostly uses a wheelchair to get around although she can walk extremely short distances). MY dad was not at home this time. He lets her sleep till at least 1pm and then gets her up to eat and then she wants to sleep again till dinner. He leaves her alone now on weekends for half the day to attend collector's shows (he collects WWII memorabilia). He also felt her Alzheimers medication patch was not working so decided to take her off it for a month! My sister and I, along with my husband, have to fly down on Monday to check on my parents and talk to my dad about getting help in. We do not think he will be open to this at all and are worried about my mom being left alone. We will be away two weeks and worried about my son being at the house alone but I know I cannot control what he does or what choices he makes. He sees his therapist every week and they do a drug test each time. He works 40 hours now. On top of this my best friend's mother who is a sweet lady Ive known many years is in ICU and failing terribly. I worry she will die while we are away and I wont be there for my friend. I know I need to realize I am only capable of doing so much and not responsible for others yet it affects me. I look at what many of you are going through and realize how trivial these things are compared to what so many of you are going through. I know I am blessed. Really trying hard to focus on the positive but tonight I am so tired and feeling very sad about some of things going on in my life. I feel like my life is never without some type of stress. Does everyone else feel this way? Many of you have such wonderfully positive attitudes!
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Old 10-18-2013, 07:00 PM
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We suffer because life (nature, god, evolution) is giving us a choice. A choice to grow or a choice to die. What will we chose?
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Old 10-18-2013, 07:08 PM
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Oh, I have grown immeasurably compared to the person I was. I continue to grow but I also have days where I grieve. I grieve watching my parents grow old and frail. I grieve for people I love. I do not think that says I am someone who gives up, is not thankful for my life nor weak. It means I have moments.
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Old 10-18-2013, 07:32 PM
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Attachment leads to suffering. To let go of a loved one is very hard.
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Old 10-18-2013, 07:32 PM
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I've had moments where I cry in the bathroom, or if I just can't take it, I've cried in public places. Dealing with a loved one with an addiction is hard enough, but throw other family with health issues into the mix and it gets pretty tough. You have to remind yourself that your stress isn't forever, and do something that you love, and make sure you make time for it. I like to zone out on a good book or a good movie, something that makes me stop thinking about everything that's going on that is a stressor, if only for an hour or two. If you feel like it's too much, definitely go to a therapist. You don't want the stress to end up making you sick.
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Old 10-18-2013, 08:34 PM
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Originally Posted by pravchaw View Post
Attachment leads to suffering. To let go of a loved one is very hard.
Attachments lead to a rainbow of feelings: joy, sorrow, excitement, fear, anger, frustration, contentment, suffering, peace, euphoria. If you dont attach to people then you might not suffer, but you would also never feel all the wonderful emotions like joy and contentment
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Old 10-18-2013, 10:06 PM
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I'm sorry for all you are dealing with. I'm also very happy to hear your son is doing so well. I need to hear these stories of hope. Reading your post I was reminded of a couple of my favorite quotes.

1. Life will never give me more than God can handle.

2. God will never give me more than I can handle. Apparently he thinks I'm a badass.

He thinks you are one too. Take a deep breath and be gentle with yourself. Big hug to you today.
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Old 10-19-2013, 07:56 AM
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Thank you everyone for the support and comforting words. It warmed my heart and lifted my spirits.
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Old 10-19-2013, 07:57 AM
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If you dont attach to people then you might not suffer, but you would also never feel all the wonderful emotions like joy and contentment
True, but we are on a roller coaster if we are are overly attached to impermanent things (people for instance). Loved one change, grow from a baby to adulthood, get old, move away, get sick, they die. I think that True joy & contentment has to come from within, not from external things or people. I have started working on myself - I have long, long way to go.
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Old 10-19-2013, 12:56 PM
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I have a ways to go as well. Think that is really what life is all about-our constant journey and to better ourselves. I tend to be a pretty emotional person so detaching can be hard and seeing your parents age is a tough one. No matter how old they are, they are still your parents. Also, if like me, you had past resentment it makes it even harder.
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Old 10-19-2013, 01:07 PM
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I don't think the things you are dealing with are trivial! I'm sure it is very hard to see your parents declining. Alzheimer's decline is very difficult for loved ones to watch. I'm sorry about your friend's mother, too. All of this, plus the job is a lot. Your son will do what he's going to do--whether or not you are there to watch him. It's great that he is doing well, working, and going to therapy!

Take time for yourself while you are with your parents--even just a shower or a walk around the block can help clear your head. A few months ago, I went away to take care of sick relatives. The physical and emotional stress is exhausting. I didn't have much time for myself, but even a small recharge helped.
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Old 10-19-2013, 01:34 PM
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Thanks bluebelle. There is a nice nature park that has paths to walk that I will walk every day while there. It runs along a bay and you see the birds, fish, all kinds of wild life and sometimes you get lucky and see a dolphin. I will definitely take time out for myself. I find dealing with people in general can be exhausting! lol Thanks for the support!
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