Nelsky

Has anyone made it through a relationship from relapse to recovery!!

My partner has relapsed and is injecting!! He was previously clean for 5 years!! Hasn't lied to me but hasn't expressed that he wants to get clean!

He says he's worried about where it will end up as it took him 8 years and 9 prison sentences to get clean before!! He has a friend who is willing to do drugs with him even though he knows his past (great friend)!!

Anyway should I get out or let him lean on me!! I don't give him money anymore and stuff like that but am terrified ill find him dead or just hold on too log and hurt myself!! On the other hand I know this man an he is lovely! I love him with all my heart and have dice the day we met!! I always knew there was risk of this but he was so strong!! Then after a bad year, it's like he's given up!!

Xx

KeepinItReal

Can the relationship you once had survive? Yes, in your memory. Living with an active addict it lies, manipulation, theft and betrayal. There is no loyalty and drugs will always be number one.
I'm an ex-addict and my AH uses needles.
Besides the horror show of constantly worrying about AIDS which isn't always from sharing needles, but water, cotton or whatever else gets put into the needle.
I am trying to work out my marriage.. however, no matter how much I try it isn't up to me if my marriage works. I'm not willing to live with active addiction because of the horrible things my husband did while in active addiction. This did not include cheating, or sharing needles but did include selling anything valuable that he could find, lying to me about what he was spending all his money on for months... and basically being poor all the time because he used ALL his money and some of mine to get drugs. It's a sick sick sick world.
I hope that you make a wise decision for yourself... we all learn on our own. I'm praying everyday that we can work things out.. but have to separate reality from dreams. Good luck!! They are all GOOD PEOPLE before drugs get a hold on them... or we wouldn't love them.

Nelsky

Looks like I'm going to lose him then!! Guess I should go before he gets bad too!! Do all people that relapse hit the bottom again before they get back up??

Carlotta

Bottoms can be anything, for some it is very high: I heard once a lady at a meeting sharing that losing her contact lenses was her bottom. Unfortunately, for many death is their bottom. You could be waiting forever for him to hit his bottom whatever it is.

Nelsky

Well his first bottom was 8 years and 9 prison sentences!! He said he is scared of how he will end up!! He's worried about himself!! Not enough yet I guess!!

Heart breaking ain't it!! Took him so long for him to accept his feelings for me and now I'm gonna have to give him up!! It's all I can think about!! We saw each other in the past but he kept pushing me away - didn't see him for 9 month and he came back!! I heard him when he thought I was asleep the other day telling me he loved me and I'm gonna have to walk away!!

Pfffffffft!! Sometimes life just sucks!! Infact in my world it's most of the time lol!! I've pulled myself back from worse!!

We have a weekend away booked this weekend - I know I probably shouldn't go but maybe atleast one last decent memory before it all goes to ****!!

Thanks for replying :-)

AnvilheadII

I can't imagine that taking an active IV drug user anywhere is going to make for happy memories.

Kindeyes

Can a relationship survive......of course. Anything is possible....but is it probable? That's the real question.

Unfortunately any relationship takes participation by two people. My first marriage did not survive addiction. My second marriage (non-addict) has survived for 28 years. I have a comparative that many people (here on SR) do not have the privilege of experiencing (yet). A good marriage with a solid partner can be challenging at times. When addiction is thrown into the mix, it becomes a much greater challenge much of the time.

I left my addicted exhusband.....30 years later he is still addicted. Would he have recovered if I stayed with him? I don't know. But with the way it has played out, I am grateful that I had the courage to leave him. I've been blessed with a loving (healthy) husband and I cherish our life together.

This statement is so true. My AXH has some wonderful qualities or I wouldn't have married him in the first place. But as addiction took over our lives, those qualities were present less and less frequently until it was difficult to see his good qualities any longer. Would I get glimpses of them? Sure. But I lost myself, my self esteem, my passion for life, my joy....as addiction took him farther away from me. That's when I said....enough is enough.

I hope and pray that your partner is able to find recovery again.

Take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

KeepinItReal

In my own experience, trying to enjoy time with someone who is in active addiction isn't a good time. My AH just wanted to smoke cigarettes and could barely hold a conversation because his mind was off in lala land.
I don't enjoy being around him when he's using. However, he still was doing good things towards the beginning of his relapse. Like, helping around the house, the yard, bringing the kids to the park... but that faded away quickly as the drug use took over.
I wasn't able to trust him with the kids, and he was either sick, or scheming to get high. It got to the point he was so messed up he sold his car (after I refused to give him the keys for two weeks) It was OUR car because we are married and therefore it's all OURS. He junked the car out of spite and for the $400 he got to go use that day. He also stole our daughter Ipad. Yes, horrible. Unforgivable in a lot of ways. It was a total betrayal... for his drugs. This is a man who has his daughters name tattood on his whole arm. He loves the kids more than anything in this world and stole from his own kids. What a POS... right??? Well, I still love this man... and obviously there's something wrong with me? I have some hope that he will recover because he has in the past. Yet, each relapse he get's worse and worse.
He's coming home after jail, and then leaving in January at some point for a 14 month inpatient faith based program. This might work, it might not. I still have my dreams for MY life... and i'm not willing to give them up... to live or be with someone who only loves and cares about drugs. Weather it be a disease or not a disease.. i don't care. I just know what I can or cannot live with... no matter what sort of love we share.

lettingonow

Nothing is wrong with you for loving someone and not wanting to give up on them. Unfortunately addicts don't normally appreciate it. Self destruction is where they are heading and they are happy to have company getting there. The pain and heartbreak you feel is a normal and natural response to being abused. Hanging around win the chemically dependent is in my opinion one of the most stressful life decisions a person can make. At no point will it be easy even if the Al Anon program works. They will always make you work and work hard to cope with their choices and how those choices will impact you. I think are you strong and determined enough is the question you should ask because that's what it's going to take. Questioning your goodness or self worth is exactly the kind of "weakness" they are hoping for. It will allow them to continue to control your feelings and choices. Don't let them this is your life and deserve to make the most and the best you can of it. Good luck you are not alone!

Nelsky

Thanks for all the replies!!

I'm not sure if I'm strong enough yet!! I'm a strong person but after battling a fair few life trials I tend to have a self preserve button!! Just sometimes takes a while to kick in!!

I'm still looking forward to the weekend because as I said I'm new to all this!! If it ends in disaster it will help paint me a clearer picture as right now I have no idea how far things have gone!!

We still hold some very on depth conversations about everything and anything, we're both taking our guitars!! He's a brilliant guitarist and its in his hands constantly!! We both sing too so I have been using his passion for his music to gage how lost his head is!! If that guitar ever leaves those hands I know I have lost him for now!!

Well... Wish me look!! Hopefully it will not end in disaster!! :-)

Xxx

KeepinItReal

I wish you luck Nelsky!! The disease is progressive so it may just be at the beginning stages. I hope that you have a good weekend!!!

robgt350

Nelsky
i think that would scare me alot. i think i would offer a big choice to get clean NOW or i would leave in a second. bad things about drugs is that if the cops catch him with drugs especially a large amount,, you can get caught up in that as a accessary to that crime. i seen that so many times i once worked at a jail for a bit and so many people came in cause there (other) had drugs on them or was selling them secretly and they were busted too. sad to say most were women. and if you do not give him money for them, then he might he doing things to get money that can get him in trouble too.
sorry i speak harsh to you, but i seen and heard alot of sad stories from working as a processor in a jail for new arrivals. many started like yours.

zoso77

Your original question is "Can a relationship survive?" Generally speaking, the answer is yes. But that answer is highly qualified.

A healthier question, in my view, is what are the steps you need to take to make sure that you survive. I would give that question a lot of honest thought, and ask yourself why you're staying with someone who cannot be a reliable partner for you.

ZoSo

BlueChair

I hope they can survive. My husband relapsed and is in rehab now.

overit263

As my lawyer said to me, "I can't say that I don't think people can get better, but it's few and far between that use the help and stay clean for the long term". She was right in my case, and I wish I had immediately thought about myself more instead of him. Your health is important, and when they use, it's dangerous enough, but they cheat too and you could get all of the life threatening diseases as well. That's what scares me about so many people in here sticking with their spouses after they've cheated. All I can assume is that they all cheat whether we ever find out or not, and think about the people they are cheating with. Scares me out of my mind.