WasItMe

So Friday I dropped my son off at rehab 1000 miles and 16 hours away from home. He has opiate addiction. He said he was snorting them.

I'm cleaning his room out down to paint carpet and furniture. I kept finding these cigarettes with the filter pulled out yesterday. Then little pieces of filter. I'm thinking no way my thoughts are running rampant. Today while cleaning I find a spoon then a needle then a empty bag needles come in then a baggie with used needles in it. Every thing I lift is a new discovery. How did I not see this.

How could me my husband and my daughter all be so blind!

rcutch

Please do not be so hard on yourself. Addicts are very crafty, intelligent, sneaky people. And even when your gut tells you they are lying, they are so skilled in manipulation that they can easily convince you they are not. You are not the cause of your son's addiction, the only thing you can do now is take care of you, your husband, and daughter. Praying for you.

SilentLove

WasItMe,

wow.... it's amazing how addicts can hide these things. My ex fiance hid it from his parents for a really long time too. They were so oblivious to everything. :/

Txhelp

It's very easy to be manipulated by an addict. After all you love them and want to believe them.

Its great he's getting help. This will allow you time to gather your thoughts and construct peace in your household again....

WasItMe

Thank you to everyone!

We are going to our first Nar-Anon meeting tonight. I have called his therapist in rehab to tell her of my find. He never told us of using needles but I pray he is open with her. She did report yesterday that he is doing good, participating openly in group, and eating well.

Call me crazy but it's almost like he wanted to be caught. A week prior to him going to rehab we all though "we knew" it was pot and snorting Oxys and we were trying to keep him on "lock down". Obvisiouly we had no idea! Well the day before we discussed rehab and went into my bank acct and took money. Knowing I check my acct 3 times a dat.

Is it he wanted to get caught or are they just that helpless to the drug?

SilentLove

I think he was so caught up in the drug that he didn't care if he got caught or not. The same case for my ex fiance. He knew I had the keys to his house and could show up any time... but he still did it.

lizwig

Hi Wasitme, How disheartening. I'm really sorry for what you are going through. I found with my son I only ever knew the tip of the iceberg. Everything would come out in layers....only when confronted with the next piece of information would he finally include it in the story. I have accepted I will never know the full extent of what he does, and I'm actually glad for that. They are going to do it regardless...the details of the story don't change the headlines (if that makes sense). I'm glad your son is at rehab, and you have time to process this away from him. My son was also very sloppy and often still says "I just wish I'd get arrested so my life can "get back to normal"...Wow. Normal? In my mind this translates to him always wanting someone else to force him to get clean. If he makes the decision for himself he has to own any relapse that may happen. If he's forced he can use the excuse "they made me clean up, I never wanted to". It's like he's planning his next relapse before he even gets clean. Sorry, bit of a rant....but yes, I feel for you. Let's pray your son gets the help he needs, learns the lessons he needs to move forward in his life. Hopefully my son will have this opportunity again someday. Big hug to you today.

incitingsilence

Take a deep breath, he is exactly where he needs to be. He is young, and that is a plus in this especially since he is openly participating.

He was totally lying to you, but I am so sure he just doesn’t want you to know how bad it is/was. And that is more because you are his mom.

Method of use, doesn’t matter he is using, he is an addict, he is getting help. Keep it simple it is much easier that way.

What is most important right now is the time you put into you. Get an education, all those what not to do when you find our your child is an addict. Your husband and you should both do this and I would encourage you to get your daughter educated as well. Read about enabling, get some support from other parents who have been through this. Leave the past for now in the past. He will talk more freely as he learns about himself and finds his own why’s.

Oh and he took the money because he needed a fix … it isn’t personal, remember that. Being caught, well he could work that one out after his head stopped screaming. There isn’t much forethought, it is need, need, need, nothing until the fix is in, then you may think f*ck I just … usually that is fleeting cause you got your fix at least for the moment anyway you are ok … till you need that next fix.

Hang in there.

WasItMe

So I just got off the phone with my son for the first time since dropping him off last Friday! Needless to say I cried, laughed, and had tons of questions.

He sounds great! He admits to feeling sick (withdrawal) but absolutely LOVES the facility he is at. He wants to stay as long as he can!

When I asked him if he was ready to really stop using his response was honest! "Actually no I am not completely ready but that is why I am here and why I know I am not ready to leave this place. I want to do aftercare here as well". Many kudos to him for being honest not only with me but also with himself!!

I did have to ask one question which I wasn't sure if timing was right but I had to hear it from him regardless of what I found. He admitted to using needles to do the oxy and admitted to using for the last two months which is what we expected.

I am happy sad scared and moved all by just speaking with him. I am overwhelmed with joy that he is acclimating so well, being open with himself, group and therapist. I'm happy/sad when he says "I mean, I don't even think about being home at all" crazy coming from my son that wouldn't leave our county because he couldn't be near me.

I hope the lessons learned within treatment will give him the added tools in his tool box to be a productive sober man one day. I've given him the necessary tools through life but it is up to him to use them properly.

It really is one at a time.

Sorry if some of this doesn't make sense I was just so excited when I hung up my husband said where ya going and I said OMG I've gotta tell my group!!

Thank each and every one of you and God Bless!

WasItMe

You couldn't have hit the nail any harder! His exact words when I asked but using needles was "I didn't want to hurt you anymore mom" and I knew that is/was how he felt. I mean for me finding needles was the straw that broke the camels back... could I find anything worse :X

My husband hasn't picked up a book to read since he was in high school and then it was rare then LOL but now he can't put one down. He wants to learn anything and everything he can.

He just asked my son while on the phone for one name of a friend here at home that he could help. He realizes how silent my son has been through all this and we know all to well his BF is using but how can we help when we suspect the kids mother might be as well. GOD if only someone would have told us.

Again, thank you for all you insight and kind positive words.

lettingonow

I think addicts pursue trusting people. And trusting people not only trust but blame themselves later. Isn't that convenient for them! He is lucky to have you and it's not your fault.

Txhelp

How wonderful that he is so open to treatment. The long the stay the better and he seems to willing!

I bet you are resting better knowing that he is feeling better.

It's always one day at a time for everyone.

There is such shame for the addict. They know they are doing wrong but don't care and if they start to feel anything...they use again.

jaynie04

Hi, WIM. I am 48 and a mom, I have an 8 year old daughter. I went to inpatient rehab this summer, I was among the oldest people there.

I spent 30 days at a great facility. In our small groups (addiction track) there were a number of young men in their 20s, most were there for drugs. I noticed a marked difference between the kids like your son, who were honest, open and enthusiastic about the process, and kids who were passing time. I think it is a very good sign that he is ensconced in the whole experience. I think a lot of times these guys sort of lose their way.

I have posted here before (I felt like the den mother, co-dependent I know, but these guys could have been my sons and daughters) as I was probably naive about what rehab was like. I was shocked that there were people there for the 3rd or 4th time. I noticed that a lot of this group, (I called them the Spring Breakers) had parents that were definitely enabling.

I didn't realize that rehab would be cliquey, sort of like high school all over again. It saddened me to see the bunch in the back row, goofing around, spitballs, the whole thing was a joke. Then I saw kids the same age who were serious about their recovery, who were absorbing the experience.

Part of me was frustrated with the facility for not doing more to intervene on this kind of insouciant behavior. Someone explained to me that these kids represented future revenue (it was an expensive place, and a lot of these kids were wealthy). That horrified me.

I don't know about anyone's chances for getting and staying clean. Obviously, I had a seat in a rehab facility, I am not in a position to guess about anyone else. But as a mom, I feel happy for you that your son seems to be embracing the chance, and the fact that he is honest about where he is at, and not trying to smooth it over, while hard to hear, I think is a good thing. He is early on, and the first part is the roughest. I am sending hugs and hope!

jaynie04

Ugh..I just reread my post and it sounds really negative...sorry. I meant to impress the fact that you son seems like he is one of the kids working hard. I didn't rush off to rehab I set my life up back home so that I could fully focus when I was there, and I did. I think the fact that he has his head in the game, is excited and open, is amazing.

I am not sure if you have family week, but I think the BF using is an issue, it's hard when they are younger and have those types of pressures. I am coming up on 4 months (I was "in" for alcohol and benzos). Having a head start of 30 days was an enormous help to me. However, I think you only get out what you put in, and it sounds like your son is putting in a lot. Yay!!!

WasItMe

Ok so I have a question. My son is at day 7 in detox. I just spoke with his nurse this evening and she stated he is having P.A.W.S. ? Can someone lead me to some news about PAWS. I worry because I've read somewhere that it's more the emotional phase than the physical. I'm just confused please help! God Bless you all.

suki44883

PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) has a wide range of symptoms, and it will affect each individual differently. The severity of it will depend on the level of the addiction and how much damage was done to the nervous system during the course of addiction. Most addicts experience PAWS immediately after detox, and the symptoms usually peak at about three to six months later. However, PAWS can last up to two years, and sometimes even much longer.

There are six main symptoms of Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome:

Difficulty with Clear Thinking - such as trouble with problem-solving, reasoning, processing thoughts, and concentrating.

Difficulty with Managing Stress - such as trouble coping with stress or even recognizing it.

Difficulty with Managing Emotions - such as feeling extreme emotions, overreacting, depression, feeling numb, or under-reacting.

– such as insomnia, sleep apnea, sleeping too much, or not being able to keep a regular sleep cycle.

Difficulty with Physical Coordination – such as trouble with balancing, fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination, and reflexes.

Difficulty with Memory - such as short-term or long-term memory loss.

If you’re an addict in early recovery who is experiencing any of the following symptoms, you’re likely suffering from PAWS. But you aren’t powerless over the symptoms. Managing PAWS is an important part of early recovery. Here are some things that can help ease the aftershocks

Your Support System – can help you stabilize your feelings. Talk to trusted friends, your family, your sponsor, and other supportive people to help you work through your difficulties.

Protecting Yourself – from threats to your sobriety is crucial to making it through PAWS.

Proper Nutrition – and a balanced diet that’s low in sugar, fat and caffeine will help reduce the symptoms of PAWS.

Regular Exercise - will also help reduce PAWS and relieve tension.

Counseling, whether it is individual, group, or both, will help you cope with your problems and keep you connected to your goals in recovery.

Educating Yourself about PAWS, addiction, and recovery in every way possible will help you maintain perspective on the symptoms you’re experiencing.

Balanced Living is important for everyone. If you try your best to keep good balance and stability in your life, you’ll be better able to handle the symptoms of PAWS.

It can be extremely frustrating to experience PAWS, and it can even make you question your desire or ability to stick with recovery. It’s normal to feel that way, but it’s important to push through PAWS and realize that it will improve over time. As long as you continue to utilize different coping methods, things will get better.

WasItMe

Thank you so much Suki! I will be talking to him directly tomorrow so hopefully he can express how he feels both mentally and physically.

suki44883

I know when I was in very early recovery, I felt like I was in a fog a lot of the time. I was very emotional and would cry over the most minute things. I felt like I was kind of watching my life from above...not really feeling in control. It can be a frightening time, depending on the symptoms.

Your son may not be able to articulate what he's feeling emotionally or physically. That's okay. It will come with time. Be patient with him and allow him to be patient with himself. I found that after about two months, I was feeling a lot more clear in my thinking, but there were still times when I felt cloudy.

cynical one

I have Gorski's article on PAWS in my blog.

Part 1
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ws-part-1.html

Part 2
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ws-part-2.html

WasItMe

You it's weird because when he was home (2months before me finding out about pills or rehab) we would have these day when he woke up crying, really crying and saying he felt "empty inside". On those days maybe it was he hadn't used in a day and needed to?? Idk because my son has always been an emotional person and when we had heart to hearts or when 'this one' girl broke his heart (loved her and dated thru high school...first love ...she left him) he would pure out his feeling to me. I guess it's just hard to be told your child is having any type of pain and me not being there to say it's going to be ok is hard for me to grasp. I know he will be ok and he needs to do this without me and telling myself that does help.

Ok and so now I have a totally different arrow to throw regarding his emotions!!!

Ok, the facility I put him in has a separate detox facility away from when he is going to do recovery. Basically in a nutshell, they have a men's recovery facility, a female recovery facility, and the a coed recovery facility. Each sex goes to appropriate facility for detox. Then in phase 2 they move to coed facility. Once my son got to his facility, he let down his guard opened up and got comfortable. I spoke with his therapist maybe 3 days after admission and she stated to me how much my son wants to stay at the men's facility and not move on to the other place. I understand his because it's almost like a child. Once they get comfortable with someone it's hurt to move on. I also realize this is life and he is going to have to learn to deal with ups and downs and daily changes.

I spoke with admissions and for insurance reasons, he cannot stay at the detox facility, which some people do, and he has to move on. I spoke with my son Wednesday, with his therapist, over speaker phone, and told him he can't stay there and he appeared to ok with it and fully understood.

I guess bottom and to the point.... Could he be playing them with the ' I don't feel good ' blues so it prolongs his stay? I mean, so I'm learning along with all the pieces that are falling into place that never made since before, addicts get very good at what they do and can scheme up any believable act.

I'm so confused on how I'm suppose to feel or think.