no surprise
 

I have missed a few Alanon meetings because my little girl has the flu and
wanted to share.

These last months my ex has been great with our daughter (3 1/2), mind
you he never is alone with her but he meets us at the playground,for dinner
at the restaurant or some other place preferably not my place or his. And
we never get in his car and he never drives ours.
He had gotten detoxed and was using again but only a little and morphine
instead of Heroin.
I pretty much knew it would be short lived but I figured "if he wants to see
his daughter and is acting better than ever it's still good for her".

He called me this week and I just know he is using more.
And he is being kind of nuts.
He accuses me of having met someone else a year ago.
Says he wants alone time with our daughter. (when I said that it couldn't happen because of the drugs he said stuff like "there are a lot of people out there who take all kinds of meds I am not any worse than they are and they are still allowed to see their kids.)
He said he was going to insist on alone time with his daughter??? It's his right.
I think that might mean not willingly give me any money unless I go to
court.
I told him he could get some agency to supervise visits if he wanted to see her away from me. He was angry. He made all kind of accusations about me doing him wrong. (And his tone throughout was very disrespectful).
Then of course he asked me to come to his house for Thanksgiving and cook the turkey....Yeah after being mean for like 30 minutes... Sure I like it when you are mean to me!
I missed his calls yesterday. I have no idea how my phone got on silent mode but I am thankful it did.
I called him today he is ****** up. He said he took some sleeping pills.
He was slurring.

I knew this was coming. Even when we had great days at the park, the fair or the restaurant. It still hurts.
I am so glad my daughter has no idea that we were supposed to see her dad.
Neither of us slept much these last few night...I guess we'll rest at home.

I"m sorry you are going through it. They all seem to turn the tables on us when they are sick. Don't listen, you know the truth and don't think about it too much ( I know how hard that is). It's really messes with your head when they turn all mean like that but remember he's not a rational person when he's using. Keep the phone on silent. This is the choice that he made to use and none of that is your fault.

Your protecting your daughter. Heroin is an evil drug. It will take the very best person and turn them into pure evil. I don't have to tell you this. I'm just another person who has two kids with a heroin addict. I can relate.

I am glad you are putting yourself and your daughter first here.

At some point, if you haven't already, you might want to get a court order to restrict visitation. That way if he breaks it and tries to see her when you say no, he can be arrested.

I'm sorry you are stuck in this sad situation and glad your daughter is too young to really understand what is going on.

Hugs

I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart breaks for you and your daughter. It sounds like you are doing all the right things by not allowing him to manipulate you and make you feel guilty for something you have no control nor cause for. You are making your daughter your number 1 priority but make sure you take of yourself too. I cannot imagine any court allowing him alone time while on drugs no matter what he says. If he gets out of control you may need to get a court order like Ann says and possibly a restraining order if it gets too bad which I hope it does not. I am always praying for everyone here. Gentle hugs.

Ex called me today and asked me where we were at with the DNA test.
(our daughter is nearly 4 and suddenly he wants a DNA test!)
I told him I'll try to fax the form in tomorrow and said bye, he was being rude and
obnoxious and I was at the playground with our little girl, surrounded by other people.

I called him back tonight.
He said he might have cracked or broken a rib, that there was a weird sound and then
a lot of pain. Now he says he can't even take his emphysema meds cause he can't
breathe deep enough. (He first relapsed 3 years ago after a diagnosis of severe
emphysema). He said he doesn't think he can get in his car (low sports car).
He wanted me to feel bad that he was making hot chocolate with water cause he had
no food...I couldn't help but laugh, I know how much food is in that house, but he might
have to cook it.

He told me he thought I was a very bad person.

He told me "you don't care about me" and I had no idea what to say.
I still do care...some.

It's so strange to see what our lives have become.

I am sorry February. No matter how much we care, listening to how the drugs change them is always so sad.

Glad you are not taking the bait, good for you!! You have come a long way.and your daughter is lucky to have such a loving mother.