Guess what I found????
●▬๑۩۩๑▬●
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow 
I put the pills back because they are his to take or not.
Sadly, it sounds like he is nowhere close to being done. In fact, it's like he has ramped up again to the point of being careless with his stash.
If your name is on the business, I would get a forensic auditor to go over the books.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by cynical one
I would have replaced them with similar looking laxatives.
Sadly, it sounds like he is nowhere close to being done. In fact, it's like he has ramped up again to the point of being careless with his stash.
If your name is on the business, I would get a forensic auditor to go over the books.
Sadly, it sounds like he is nowhere close to being done. In fact, it's like he has ramped up again to the point of being careless with his stash.
If your name is on the business, I would get a forensic auditor to go over the books.
Lol @ laxatives. That was my sisters suggestion too, lol.
He is receiving a fairly large check on Tuesday. I suspect he will create some kind of drama so he can leave.....and that's fine with me.
P.S. Based on what he has "owned" up too, his usage while I was gone was right back and more then when he first started NA. (No surprise there) And he actually wants me to believe he flushed the 10 pills that I found. Uhmmmmm.....ok!! I am sure he was relieved by my "do what you want and I mean it" attitude. Heck, I would hate to kill his buzz.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Great post - made my OurBrokenRoad that I thought was worth sharing on this side.
Hi Allthings,
I am brand new at this so forgive me for any breach in etiquette, but I'd like to share a page from a book a received when going to Nar-anon six weeks ago.
I had the same questions as you, and a wonderful person pointed out a page that helped. I went home and read it..feeling somewhat better. Actually when I get in that "What should I do mode" I read it again and again. So to not plagiarize its pg 314 of the Nar-anon family book.
"When I came into the Nar-Anon program, I was one of those people who always had to know the answer. It was my job in life to unerstand the chaos, to track it, and to be prepared in an instant to do any one of a list of available remedies to keep the explosions from occurring.
After twenty years of living with active addiction, and a few years in the program, I realized I had three options; continue living with the active addiction, leave the relationship, or the addict finds recovery.
What I wanted was for the addict to get clean and sober, and for our family to continue intact. However, I slowly accepted that this option was not up to me. I can get clean and sober and detach from my obsessions, but I cannot get the addict clean and sober.
I did not want either of the two remaining options, and I did not know what to do. I continued to stay confused. After a long while, I realized that all I could do was sit there with my contradictory feelings and accept the confusion. I decided not to act until I was clear. I learned from the program that being confused is ok. I learned it was ok to just sit, and not make any decisions. I was released from being entangled and enmeshed in the problems of the addict. I regained more and more of myself.
One day, a year and a half later, that moment of clarity came. I have never second guessed myself since that time, never felt I should have made the other choice. When it finally became clear, I knew it was time to go. I waited several more months until I could manage the actual move and then I moved out.
Later, I realized that if I had cut myself off to quickly, I would have left parts of myself behind and taken parts of him with me. We were to enmeshed, like a kitten tangled in a string of yarn, and it took some time to unravel those twenty years and gather all of me together into my new separate self.
Thought for the day: When I feel confused, I practice awareness and acceptance waiting for clarity before I move to action."
Hi Allthings,
I am brand new at this so forgive me for any breach in etiquette, but I'd like to share a page from a book a received when going to Nar-anon six weeks ago.
I had the same questions as you, and a wonderful person pointed out a page that helped. I went home and read it..feeling somewhat better. Actually when I get in that "What should I do mode" I read it again and again. So to not plagiarize its pg 314 of the Nar-anon family book.
"When I came into the Nar-Anon program, I was one of those people who always had to know the answer. It was my job in life to unerstand the chaos, to track it, and to be prepared in an instant to do any one of a list of available remedies to keep the explosions from occurring.
After twenty years of living with active addiction, and a few years in the program, I realized I had three options; continue living with the active addiction, leave the relationship, or the addict finds recovery.
What I wanted was for the addict to get clean and sober, and for our family to continue intact. However, I slowly accepted that this option was not up to me. I can get clean and sober and detach from my obsessions, but I cannot get the addict clean and sober.
I did not want either of the two remaining options, and I did not know what to do. I continued to stay confused. After a long while, I realized that all I could do was sit there with my contradictory feelings and accept the confusion. I decided not to act until I was clear. I learned from the program that being confused is ok. I learned it was ok to just sit, and not make any decisions. I was released from being entangled and enmeshed in the problems of the addict. I regained more and more of myself.
One day, a year and a half later, that moment of clarity came. I have never second guessed myself since that time, never felt I should have made the other choice. When it finally became clear, I knew it was time to go. I waited several more months until I could manage the actual move and then I moved out.
Later, I realized that if I had cut myself off to quickly, I would have left parts of myself behind and taken parts of him with me. We were to enmeshed, like a kitten tangled in a string of yarn, and it took some time to unravel those twenty years and gather all of me together into my new separate self.
Thought for the day: When I feel confused, I practice awareness and acceptance waiting for clarity before I move to action."
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 160
Not flushing them or getting sucked in to the quacking is real progress, no? Im really proud of how far you have come... Love me not wouldn't have done that, I don't think. Leaving him to his vice can't be easy, but I think you are doing the right thing for both of you, but more importantly for you, your sanity. I wonder if he will find a way to be angry about that too- my ah thinks I'm walking away to spite him or teach him a lesson. Thinks my NC is to be vindictive. I don't really care if he realizes its more about self preservation. I'm so grateful to SR for helping me to see that I need to attend to myself. I'm really happy to see you doing the same.
Do you feel lighter? Or maybe it's still hard because you are still under the same roof.
Sending you more strength, although you are really showing LOTS of your own.
Do you feel lighter? Or maybe it's still hard because you are still under the same roof.
Sending you more strength, although you are really showing LOTS of your own.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 160
And thanks for that reading, it's making me feel a lot less dumb for taking the time it took to "be clear"
And it's so true that i could only leave without regrets now, so any sooner was actually too soon, it's not that I'm a doofus.
I wish I could get to a nar anon meeting! Here there is just alanon, and I wish I could spare my one or two babysitting nights to go, but I need them to catch up on homework every time. This has really motivated me to try to find a way though. Thanks for sharing what I needed to hear!
And it's so true that i could only leave without regrets now, so any sooner was actually too soon, it's not that I'm a doofus.
I wish I could get to a nar anon meeting! Here there is just alanon, and I wish I could spare my one or two babysitting nights to go, but I need them to catch up on homework every time. This has really motivated me to try to find a way though. Thanks for sharing what I needed to hear!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
I'm certain that you will do what is right for you, LMN.
You have a strong spirit. I think the saying goes...people
cross one another's path (or SR!) for a reason, a season,
or a lifetime.
The lessons we take away are the real treasure
of life. Thank you for the lessons & insights you have
brought to all of us.
Take Care.
You have a strong spirit. I think the saying goes...people
cross one another's path (or SR!) for a reason, a season,
or a lifetime.
The lessons we take away are the real treasure
of life. Thank you for the lessons & insights you have
brought to all of us.
Take Care.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
In the end of my relationship with my xabf, it became a game.
I realized that I was a willing and faithful participant, and it hurt me to the bone. I was trying to prove something, to my self and to him. I wanted him to see that his alcoholism was destroying us, I thought that would be enough for him to stop, his alcoholism was actually bigger than us, through all the accepting and handing over, I was still in pain, in shock really, at the things he would say and do. My denial was worse than him. I listened to him on and on and on, because I knew I could make his life better.
Codependency is something, for me, that I had to face head on.
Fact, this man is making you sick Kaite.
Fact, the only way to stop being in pain, and being sick, is to make the break.
I too would tell the stories to friends, and laugh at how ridiculous it was, but inside I was screaming, someone help me leave.
I didn't want to make the break, it was a forced behavior on my part.
For me , the only way out was to sit on my hands some days and prevent myself from picking up the phone, or to take a walk to get my mind off the addict.
All this time later, the thought of being that person makes me cry.
Getting out for me was a forced behavior, there was no building a life for myself otherwise.
I'm saying this LMN, because your original post made me so sad, I saw me in the post, the educated, step savvy, addiction specialist lol, doing the same thing over and over again, and ending up in the same sick mess on the floor 5 of 7 days a week, trying to figure out how to make him see that he could be so much better with me . I wanted him to make the choice for me, to quit, so we could build.
I pray for your serentity LMN, with love Katie
I realized that I was a willing and faithful participant, and it hurt me to the bone. I was trying to prove something, to my self and to him. I wanted him to see that his alcoholism was destroying us, I thought that would be enough for him to stop, his alcoholism was actually bigger than us, through all the accepting and handing over, I was still in pain, in shock really, at the things he would say and do. My denial was worse than him. I listened to him on and on and on, because I knew I could make his life better.
Codependency is something, for me, that I had to face head on.
Fact, this man is making you sick Kaite.
Fact, the only way to stop being in pain, and being sick, is to make the break.
I too would tell the stories to friends, and laugh at how ridiculous it was, but inside I was screaming, someone help me leave.
I didn't want to make the break, it was a forced behavior on my part.
For me , the only way out was to sit on my hands some days and prevent myself from picking up the phone, or to take a walk to get my mind off the addict.
All this time later, the thought of being that person makes me cry.
Getting out for me was a forced behavior, there was no building a life for myself otherwise.
I'm saying this LMN, because your original post made me so sad, I saw me in the post, the educated, step savvy, addiction specialist lol, doing the same thing over and over again, and ending up in the same sick mess on the floor 5 of 7 days a week, trying to figure out how to make him see that he could be so much better with me . I wanted him to make the choice for me, to quit, so we could build.
I pray for your serentity LMN, with love Katie
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
One day, a year and a half later, that moment of clarity came. I have never second guessed myself since that time, never felt I should have made the other choice. When it finally became clear, I knew it was time to go. I waited several more months until I could manage the actual move and then I moved out.
Later, I realized that if I had cut myself off to quickly, I would have left parts of myself behind and taken parts of him with me. We were to enmeshed, like a kitten tangled in a string of yarn, and it took some time to unravel those twenty years and gather all of me together into my new separate self.
Later, I realized that if I had cut myself off to quickly, I would have left parts of myself behind and taken parts of him with me. We were to enmeshed, like a kitten tangled in a string of yarn, and it took some time to unravel those twenty years and gather all of me together into my new separate self.
Hugs
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
LMN
remember that HP & inner guidance that has been with so far on this journey will continue to lead you to what is best for you ~
Follow what is healthiest for you ~ remember you deserve the very best and sometimes that takes a well thought out plan ~
Wishing you the best ~
pink hugs
remember that HP & inner guidance that has been with so far on this journey will continue to lead you to what is best for you ~
Follow what is healthiest for you ~ remember you deserve the very best and sometimes that takes a well thought out plan ~
Wishing you the best ~
pink hugs
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
