ctopanga

Part of my boyfriend's treatment includes a five-day family program. I can totally understand the importance of it - but I am so scared. I'm going with his parents, and I do not want to open up about our problems in front of them. Honestly, if they weren't there, I would feel so much more comfortable talking in front of strangers! Maybe that's weird.

I know we are lucky to have him in a program where he is doing very well. I know the family programs are important to his recovery. But I am scared. I don't like being emotional in front of his parents. During the few days when his problems came to light and we were scrambling to get him into rehab, I didn't cry at all in front of his parents but waited until they had left for the day.

I feel like a crazy person for complaining about this. I am so excited to see him, but I'm so nervous to talk about everything.

This is probably why I haven't gone to Al-Anon meetings yet either.

Ugh. What is wrong with me.

cantcureit

You should go to an Al Anon meeting, it might help you to get comfortable talking about all of it. Getting honest feels SO MUCH BETTER, even though it's hard. Some of the problems I had with my husband were so embarrassing to talk about, now I try to be open about what we've been through, not with acquaintances but with people that are close to me. It helps. Most people have been really supportive.

Everything about addiction, being or loving an addict is uncomfortable at first, but I think if you can do it and get through it, you will be surprised how much better you feel. No more secrets and lies is the best part of recovery for me.

That's great that he's doing well in recovery. Enjoy your visit.

BlueChair

The first time I had a family session at the rehab it was with my husbands parents, I didnt know what to expect and was scared, felt less that excited about being open with my feelings in front of them, and they had a lot more knowledge than me, making me feel even worse. We scrambled to get him into rehab but they took the lead on it and it was ok. I tried not to cry, but I think I cried a lot, how much they saw I dont know, I was too upset to hide it very good.

We didnt have a whole week like your doing, it was only a couple sessions all together, and since then I have been working alone, and in family sessions me and my husband only every week. I dont think I could talk about some of the things we talk about if my inlaws were there. I love them, but it would be uncomfortable, and not fair to the relationship between me and my husband. Some thoughts, feelings they dont need to be overheard. I guess you have to do the best you can, and maybe you will have the chance to talk alone.

The counseling has been good for me, and I was thinking today that when his rehab is over, then I guess my counseling will be over. I dont think I like that, I dont think I will be ready to graduate when he is.

That is great he is doing good in rehab, its not easy for them. Or us.

ctopanga

Bluechair, this sounds VERY similar to my situation. His parents basically moved in with me while we researched facilities, and are handling the financial side of things. So I certainly feel indebted to them, but also feel like some things should be private. Thankfully, we do get a counseling session with his therapist and just the two of us - I think she'll probably do a similar one with just them and him. Thank you for your kind words!!!

Jenibean87

Wow it seems like forever ago that I was sitting exactly where you are. And, let me be honest, that first day had me sobbing. But every day, I learned something. And every day I connected with other loved ones of alcoholics and addicts who felt and acted just like me. That program is a blessing. Take it seriously, and you will reap the rewards. Even if its awkward, and uncomfortable to share in front of others. The more open you are, the more you get in return. And this could really strengthen your relationship with his patents also, giving you more support.

All that, or maybe do it the next weekend they offer it. :/

Ann

They may do individual assessment and counseling with each of you before they do group, especially if they have a week to do this.

Take a deep breath and don't be ashamed of your emotions. We feel what we feel and there is no reason to have to stuff things deep inside anymore, we've done that long enough.

Good luck, I hope this is helpful to you and his family both.

Hugs

Twofish

Dear Ctopanga, I too was very frightened to attend the family session. Like the others have said, they only had one family session, with the inpt program. We had no warning of what was to come or what would be said. Are things going to be brought up that were personal? It went fine. They are the experts, they know what you are going thru and what your loved one is going thru. They don't let anyone get off track. They don't let the blame game be played, guilt trips happen. I did cry, and cry a lot! They were to me tears of progress, like I saw a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. They thought us tools, we were lucky, we all hugged at the end of the session. Granted this was my AD not my husband or father, but the end result usually is the same. A small break through. I look back at that day, not so long ago, and see the progress. Be positive, if you are being verbally attacked or that AV shows it's ugly face, the staff will take over and redirect the convo in the right direction. Breathe. Keep us posted. You will be surprised at the outcome, I know I was. Hugs! TF

Twofish

Also try to hit a meeting of any kind. You will need all the support you can find. Even after my children are all graduated and on their own, I will continue to go to Naralon or friends of addicts meeting. Go into your session positive and be prepared to hear things you want to be kept private, but this truly is saving your loved ones life. TF

BlueChair

I feel like Ive got a lot closer to his parents since this happened. We have spent more time together, talked, been more open than ever before. I have had some problems I wont lie, but my thought process has been that we are all in this together, we have to stick together, work together, support each other, and let some words and things go by. We have all been emotional because one thing we share: we love him.

pravchaw

I learn the most from listening to other people in our family group. You dont hsve to share if you font want to. I dont like sharing much in a group. I learnt the harmful effects of enabling, the helpfulness of boundaries and not tolerating bad behaviour. I learnt these mostly by listening to people and the craziness in their lives (I was as crazy but its not the same as watching other peoples craziness). Looking back the best thing I did was to evict my son from the home last Feb. It took a while but he back now, sober and attending an out patient program.

Kindeyes

I understand that it may be uncomfortable to talk about some things in front of his parents. There are some things that are simply not appropriate to discuss in front of them. That's ok. Save those topics for private counseling sessions. There is plenty to talk about that does not involve intimate subject matter.....and a lot of it may be about you, your actions, your reactions.....not necessarily just about the addicts drug use and behaviors. There may be a LOT of education about addiction. This is all good stuff. Keep an open mind and try not to obsess about it. It may turn out much better than you imagine. You may learn a lot that helps you.

gentle hugs
ke

lesliej

I did a three day in patient family program while my ex was in treatment. There were about twenty people in the program and we broke into small groups twice each day. Perhaps you will be in a seperate small group if the program is designed that way. I noticed that some couples who were part of the program, such as couples who were parents, opted to be in seperate small groups. The counselors are usually quite savvy and aware of peoples needs...including the need for privacy. No worries, this is about you, not him. Let go...trust that you are going to get some care that you need. Soak it up.