Addict or not?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 1
Addict or not?
I am exhausted, I am confused and I am unsure.
My partner of 7 years has always had what people would call "an addictive personality". He has never been very good with self control. This used to be just for things like coke (as in coca-cola). If it was in the house, he would drink it until it was gone. No issue there at all, it's coke after all!
A couple of years in, when we would go to parties or have friends over he would want some speed, and he would have so much that everyone else would go to bed but he would still be up. Again because it was so infrequently I didn't have an issue with this. I didn't do drugs myself but I figured recreationally it was ok.
However 2 years ago, we started a business together and this put a financial strain on us. He was already working for himself as a programmer and we were starting this new venture on top of that. He got some speed and was taking it every day to stimulate himself to get more work done. He had more work on than he could manage and he said the speed helped him get through it. I agreed to this for the month of Feb 2012. The "agreement" was that he would use it for a month to get through some of the backlog and get on top of the workload.
Fastforward almost 2 years now. The one month turned into 2, then 6, then more. Many times we have talked about this and we agree on a stop date, and it passes and he stops for a few days, or maybe even a few weeks, but always some emergency comes up that he "needs" speed to get through.
Every time we talk about it, he says I treat him like an addict and he makes me feel guilty for thinking he is an addict. He says he doesn't "need" it, it just makes him more alert and think faster and get through more work. He has about 0.5g of speed a day, I really have no idea if this is a lot or a little.
There are however days when he takes a lot more and works right through the night and the next day, then falls in a heap and sleeps at about 7pm the next night.
He tells me speed isn't addictive, and that he is having small quantities, just like ADHD kids take it every day. He calls it a "dose", I think in an effort to make it sound like it is a medicine.
In the last 18 months, I have heard what I feel like are so many excuses. Just some of these are;
He has no energy without it
He maybe has a dopamine deficiency and this is why he needs it (this is a theory he came up with out of google)
He has too much work on
He doesn't have much work on and needs to maximise the time he can spend on our business while he has the time
It's good to lose weight (he even set up a "regime" of times when he would take it and weigh it, but of course, he only wanted to take it for weight loss purposes!)
Am I overreacting or am I being manipulated by him? He says an addict couldn't go for a few weeks without it, and that this proves he is not an addict.
My partner of 7 years has always had what people would call "an addictive personality". He has never been very good with self control. This used to be just for things like coke (as in coca-cola). If it was in the house, he would drink it until it was gone. No issue there at all, it's coke after all!
A couple of years in, when we would go to parties or have friends over he would want some speed, and he would have so much that everyone else would go to bed but he would still be up. Again because it was so infrequently I didn't have an issue with this. I didn't do drugs myself but I figured recreationally it was ok.However 2 years ago, we started a business together and this put a financial strain on us. He was already working for himself as a programmer and we were starting this new venture on top of that. He got some speed and was taking it every day to stimulate himself to get more work done. He had more work on than he could manage and he said the speed helped him get through it. I agreed to this for the month of Feb 2012. The "agreement" was that he would use it for a month to get through some of the backlog and get on top of the workload.
Fastforward almost 2 years now. The one month turned into 2, then 6, then more. Many times we have talked about this and we agree on a stop date, and it passes and he stops for a few days, or maybe even a few weeks, but always some emergency comes up that he "needs" speed to get through.
Every time we talk about it, he says I treat him like an addict and he makes me feel guilty for thinking he is an addict. He says he doesn't "need" it, it just makes him more alert and think faster and get through more work. He has about 0.5g of speed a day, I really have no idea if this is a lot or a little.
There are however days when he takes a lot more and works right through the night and the next day, then falls in a heap and sleeps at about 7pm the next night.
He tells me speed isn't addictive, and that he is having small quantities, just like ADHD kids take it every day. He calls it a "dose", I think in an effort to make it sound like it is a medicine.
In the last 18 months, I have heard what I feel like are so many excuses. Just some of these are;
He has no energy without it
He maybe has a dopamine deficiency and this is why he needs it (this is a theory he came up with out of google)
He has too much work on
He doesn't have much work on and needs to maximise the time he can spend on our business while he has the time
It's good to lose weight (he even set up a "regime" of times when he would take it and weigh it, but of course, he only wanted to take it for weight loss purposes!)
Am I overreacting or am I being manipulated by him? He says an addict couldn't go for a few weeks without it, and that this proves he is not an addict.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 71
Without a doubt, your partner IS AN ADDICT. He is not only dependent on drugs to function, but he is abusing them. Taking pills in order to work through the night, then crashing the next day is drug abuse. If you haven't done the research yet, I'll give you a little info on the type of drug he is taking: Drugs like Adderall (a combo of Amphetamine and Dextroamphetamine) are used to treat disorders such as ADHD. These drugs are supposed to be used to help people with attention disorders, like myself. I am hyperactive, and if I do not take my medication I have difficulty focusing on simple tasks, and I am stimulated by everything. If I am trying to concentrate and a door closes, I loose all concentration. I am easily distracted, so this medication sort of slows my thought process down, not speed it up. People who do not need this type of medication will "Speed" (hence the name) when they take it. He is trying to speed himself up, increase his energy level with a substance that is not intended for this purpose. This is drug abuse.
You said he admitted that he has no energy if he doesn't take it. That shows you that he is dependent on it. Sure I can live without taking my meds, I will be very distracted, but I can still function normally, just with a bit more effort. He can't. He is an addict.
You have already tried bargaining with him, as we all do. 1 month turns into 2, 2 turns into 6 and 6 turns into a lifetime of using and abusing. I have been going through this cycle for years. I have bargained, pleaded, threatened, and bargained again. The simple truth is that my husband is an addict. Plain and simple. I have accepted it, and the sooner you accept that your partner is an addict the sooner you can stop the insanity that his addiction brings along with it.
I really don't have much advice to give to you, I wish I could guide you in the right direction, but I myself am struggling, lost and alone. But I finally made the decision to put an end to the insanity that was my life and start my own recovery. If you are this concerned now, imagine what your life will be like in 5 years? 10? He is in denial, he will not stop because he does not believe he has an addiction. So, you can allow it to continue or you can put it to a stop.
I hope this helped in some way. Good luck to you
You said he admitted that he has no energy if he doesn't take it. That shows you that he is dependent on it. Sure I can live without taking my meds, I will be very distracted, but I can still function normally, just with a bit more effort. He can't. He is an addict.
You have already tried bargaining with him, as we all do. 1 month turns into 2, 2 turns into 6 and 6 turns into a lifetime of using and abusing. I have been going through this cycle for years. I have bargained, pleaded, threatened, and bargained again. The simple truth is that my husband is an addict. Plain and simple. I have accepted it, and the sooner you accept that your partner is an addict the sooner you can stop the insanity that his addiction brings along with it.
I really don't have much advice to give to you, I wish I could guide you in the right direction, but I myself am struggling, lost and alone. But I finally made the decision to put an end to the insanity that was my life and start my own recovery. If you are this concerned now, imagine what your life will be like in 5 years? 10? He is in denial, he will not stop because he does not believe he has an addiction. So, you can allow it to continue or you can put it to a stop.
I hope this helped in some way. Good luck to you
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
I cant say for sure if he is an addict, but if not he is headed in that direction unless he stops. I can tell you my husband never planned to become addicted either, he didn't see it when it first happened. What you are describing sounds to me like he is dependent upon the drugs to get him through his days, his workload... if he cant do it without the drugs then I think he is addicted. What he is saying about dopamine is most likely true. The drugs alter brain chemicals, manufactured drugs stimulate the brain beyond what is normally possible. Very dangerous to get caught in that loop. His reasoning "to do better" its one of the top reasons people use drugs.....
Here is a bit of info from National Institute of Drug Abuse, and what they have to say on your questions:
Here is a bit of info from National Institute of Drug Abuse, and what they have to say on your questions:
What is drug addiction?
Drug addiction is a complex, and often chronic, brain disease. It is characterized by drug craving, seeking, and use that can persist even in the face of devastating life consequences. Addiction results largely from brain changes that stem from prolonged drug use—changes that involve multiple brain circuits, including those responsible for governing self-control and other behaviors. Drug addiction is treatable, often with medications (for some addictions) combined with behavioral therapies. However, relapse is common and can happen even after long periods of abstinence, underscoring the need for long-term support and care. Relapse does not signify treatment failure, but rather should prompt treatment re-engagement or modification. For more information, see "Drugs, Brains, and Behavior - The Science of Addiction." Drugs, Brains, and Behavior: The Science of Addiction | National Institute on Drug Abuse
How quickly can I become addicted to a drug?
There is no easy answer to this common question. If and how quickly you become addicted to a drug depends on many factors, including your biology (your genes, for example), age, gender, environment, and interactions among these factors. Vast differences characterize individual sensitivity to various drugs and to addiction vulnerability. While one person may use a drug one or many times and suffer no ill effects, another person may overdose with first use, or become addicted after a few uses. There is no way of knowing in advance how quickly you will become addicted—but there are some clues, one important one being whether you have a family history of addiction.
How do I know if someone is addicted to drugs?
If a person is compulsively seeking and using a drug(s) despite negative consequences, such as loss of job, debt, family problems, or physical problems brought on by drug abuse, then he or she probably is addicted. And while people who are addicted may believe they can stop any time, most often they cannot, and will need professional help—first to determine if they in fact are addicted, and then to obtain drug abuse treatment. Support from friends and family can be critical in getting people into treatment and helping them to maintain abstinence following treatment. For information on substance abuse treatment providers, see: findtreatment.samhsa.gov or call 1-800-662-HELP.
Drug addiction is a complex, and often chronic, brain disease. It is characterized by drug craving, seeking, and use that can persist even in the face of devastating life consequences. Addiction results largely from brain changes that stem from prolonged drug use—changes that involve multiple brain circuits, including those responsible for governing self-control and other behaviors. Drug addiction is treatable, often with medications (for some addictions) combined with behavioral therapies. However, relapse is common and can happen even after long periods of abstinence, underscoring the need for long-term support and care. Relapse does not signify treatment failure, but rather should prompt treatment re-engagement or modification. For more information, see "Drugs, Brains, and Behavior - The Science of Addiction." Drugs, Brains, and Behavior: The Science of Addiction | National Institute on Drug Abuse
How quickly can I become addicted to a drug?
There is no easy answer to this common question. If and how quickly you become addicted to a drug depends on many factors, including your biology (your genes, for example), age, gender, environment, and interactions among these factors. Vast differences characterize individual sensitivity to various drugs and to addiction vulnerability. While one person may use a drug one or many times and suffer no ill effects, another person may overdose with first use, or become addicted after a few uses. There is no way of knowing in advance how quickly you will become addicted—but there are some clues, one important one being whether you have a family history of addiction.
How do I know if someone is addicted to drugs?
If a person is compulsively seeking and using a drug(s) despite negative consequences, such as loss of job, debt, family problems, or physical problems brought on by drug abuse, then he or she probably is addicted. And while people who are addicted may believe they can stop any time, most often they cannot, and will need professional help—first to determine if they in fact are addicted, and then to obtain drug abuse treatment. Support from friends and family can be critical in getting people into treatment and helping them to maintain abstinence following treatment. For information on substance abuse treatment providers, see: findtreatment.samhsa.gov or call 1-800-662-HELP.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
doesn’t tend to matter what he is.
Him thinking he has doesn’t have a problem is one thing.
You having a problem with him using drugs is something totally different. If it is one for you, then it is. Trust me when I say there are no medals when you stay and there is no guilt or shame allowed if you need to leave for yourself and your best chances.
Speed is highly addictive.
And an addict can sure as hell go a few weeks without using, with proper motivation.
Sometimes they are still using but just playing some game to make everyone around think they aren’t. It isn’t really that hard to.
And it doesn’t matter what amount he is using at this point, because this path leads to more and more, as it always does.
You also won’t be able to reason with him or get him to see because he isn’t capable of seeing anything other than what he believes in this moment.
Him making it sound like a medication … hell he just likes the high, it can be that simple, no excuses or blame needed.
So from here what can you do for you? How is this effecting your life? Is this consuming you, because that isn't a good sign. Neither is the confusion you feel.
Him thinking he has doesn’t have a problem is one thing.
You having a problem with him using drugs is something totally different. If it is one for you, then it is. Trust me when I say there are no medals when you stay and there is no guilt or shame allowed if you need to leave for yourself and your best chances.
Speed is highly addictive.
And an addict can sure as hell go a few weeks without using, with proper motivation.
Sometimes they are still using but just playing some game to make everyone around think they aren’t. It isn’t really that hard to.
And it doesn’t matter what amount he is using at this point, because this path leads to more and more, as it always does.
You also won’t be able to reason with him or get him to see because he isn’t capable of seeing anything other than what he believes in this moment.
Him making it sound like a medication … hell he just likes the high, it can be that simple, no excuses or blame needed.
So from here what can you do for you? How is this effecting your life? Is this consuming you, because that isn't a good sign. Neither is the confusion you feel.
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