External Validation
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 350
External Validation
Recently I have noticed that when I don't get the expected validation from other people, that I end up feeling like crap.
I have this dysfunctional need to get external validation from other people.
A) What is that all about?
B) What can I do to transition from where I am to a healthier system of validation?
I have this dysfunctional need to get external validation from other people.
A) What is that all about?
B) What can I do to transition from where I am to a healthier system of validation?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I understand because early in my recovery I felt exactly the same way. If I didn't receive some kind of validation that I was doing the right thing, I questioned my every move and took it personally when anyone who didn't like the changes I was making in myself criticized me.
Recovery helped me get to know "that stranger called me" who I had neglected for so long. It helped me find my balance and clarity and become healthy again and once I was there I had confidence in myself and all I stood for...even if I stood alone!
I found my recovery through meetings, CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) was my home group but I also attended Al-anon and Nar-anon when I could find a meeting there. These three similar fellowships had meetings where I was among people who truly understood what I was going through, because they had gone through this too. I looked around and saw so many whose lives were much worse than mine but they had a certain peace about them, and they looked happy and talked of how grateful they were for all things in their lives...I didn't know where they got that serenity but I knew that I wanted what they had.
I am so grateful today for those who went before me and so freely helped me find my own way and do the work to get to where they were.
SR helps me keep it. They say in the rooms that we can't keep it if we don't give it away, meaning it helps us to help others find the good path of recovery.
Today I still make mistakes, I still have faults and some days I struggle with what seemed easy before but the difference is that today I know how to overcome this, how to make amends and overcome my personal obstacles...and find my own validation that my life is on track and all is well in my world.
You can find it to, it takes a little selfhelp and work, but it's there, free for the taking if you are willing to make the changes in your life that will bring you the same peace that I sought, and so many others found in the rooms of recovery and here at SR.
Hugs
Recovery helped me get to know "that stranger called me" who I had neglected for so long. It helped me find my balance and clarity and become healthy again and once I was there I had confidence in myself and all I stood for...even if I stood alone!
I found my recovery through meetings, CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) was my home group but I also attended Al-anon and Nar-anon when I could find a meeting there. These three similar fellowships had meetings where I was among people who truly understood what I was going through, because they had gone through this too. I looked around and saw so many whose lives were much worse than mine but they had a certain peace about them, and they looked happy and talked of how grateful they were for all things in their lives...I didn't know where they got that serenity but I knew that I wanted what they had.
I am so grateful today for those who went before me and so freely helped me find my own way and do the work to get to where they were.
SR helps me keep it. They say in the rooms that we can't keep it if we don't give it away, meaning it helps us to help others find the good path of recovery.
Today I still make mistakes, I still have faults and some days I struggle with what seemed easy before but the difference is that today I know how to overcome this, how to make amends and overcome my personal obstacles...and find my own validation that my life is on track and all is well in my world.
You can find it to, it takes a little selfhelp and work, but it's there, free for the taking if you are willing to make the changes in your life that will bring you the same peace that I sought, and so many others found in the rooms of recovery and here at SR.
Hugs
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