Yes, I am back with update!
Hug giver-outer!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
Yes, I am back with update!
Hi old and new friends,
To those who recognize my name, I have missed you and thought of you often. To those who do not recognize my name, I was once a moderator on this wonderful forum and glad to see so many newbies who were lucky enough to find it.
Things with AD have gone from bad to worse as they often do but because of the wonderful people I met and spoke with on SR and the invaluable tools I picked up and accumulated, I and the rest of the family have been able to weather it without insanity. We were able to rescue our wonderful, adorable granddaughter, now 8 years old (!), and have had legal custody of her for nearly 3 years. She had been through horrific trauma and an unbelievable ordeal but we were so fortunate to get her young enough to restore her trust, love, security and childhood. AD is in prison for the moment, progressed to heroin since prescription drugs were too expensive and the rest is totally up to her where she goes from here. We are very supportive of our granddaughter to love, miss and even speak to her mother when and if we feel we can trust the situation at the time. Granddaughter is in counseling and it has all helped so much. She is a beautiful, happy, healthy, smart child who loves life and trusts her present environment with all her heart. We work hard to be sure her security is not breached at this time in her life.
Other, sober daughter, now has her PhD and is a professor. She has worked so very hard and been very affected by her sister's addiction and loss. She has been in counseling so she can cope and we are so proud of her that she never gave up or gave in to letting her sister's addiction control her life in a negative way. She has developed a wonderful relationship with her niece and is a wonderful role model for her.
Mr. Marteen is semi-retired and when he and granddaughter play, especially when we are out in public, I think HE is the biggest kid! Since he is the one who went and rescued her many miles from here, she still considers him her "hero and protector". She always wants him when anything happens, which I think is great for them both.
I've had more than a few health issues which I will not elaborate on but let's just say that I can no longer work but I can continue living and enjoying life with just one very important thought in my mind, that which I learned so well here as a newbie and then a moderator, "One day at a time!" It really does work for all of us.
I pray that all of you are given the knowledge, wisdom and strength to endure the reason you are here in the first place but you have found a great place, with great people who are willing to share their experience with you. You will never be alone when you discover SR.
Many, many hugs,
Marteen
To those who recognize my name, I have missed you and thought of you often. To those who do not recognize my name, I was once a moderator on this wonderful forum and glad to see so many newbies who were lucky enough to find it.
Things with AD have gone from bad to worse as they often do but because of the wonderful people I met and spoke with on SR and the invaluable tools I picked up and accumulated, I and the rest of the family have been able to weather it without insanity. We were able to rescue our wonderful, adorable granddaughter, now 8 years old (!), and have had legal custody of her for nearly 3 years. She had been through horrific trauma and an unbelievable ordeal but we were so fortunate to get her young enough to restore her trust, love, security and childhood. AD is in prison for the moment, progressed to heroin since prescription drugs were too expensive and the rest is totally up to her where she goes from here. We are very supportive of our granddaughter to love, miss and even speak to her mother when and if we feel we can trust the situation at the time. Granddaughter is in counseling and it has all helped so much. She is a beautiful, happy, healthy, smart child who loves life and trusts her present environment with all her heart. We work hard to be sure her security is not breached at this time in her life.
Other, sober daughter, now has her PhD and is a professor. She has worked so very hard and been very affected by her sister's addiction and loss. She has been in counseling so she can cope and we are so proud of her that she never gave up or gave in to letting her sister's addiction control her life in a negative way. She has developed a wonderful relationship with her niece and is a wonderful role model for her.
Mr. Marteen is semi-retired and when he and granddaughter play, especially when we are out in public, I think HE is the biggest kid! Since he is the one who went and rescued her many miles from here, she still considers him her "hero and protector". She always wants him when anything happens, which I think is great for them both.
I've had more than a few health issues which I will not elaborate on but let's just say that I can no longer work but I can continue living and enjoying life with just one very important thought in my mind, that which I learned so well here as a newbie and then a moderator, "One day at a time!" It really does work for all of us.
I pray that all of you are given the knowledge, wisdom and strength to endure the reason you are here in the first place but you have found a great place, with great people who are willing to share their experience with you. You will never be alone when you discover SR.
Many, many hugs,
Marteen
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Marteen, it's like seeing an old dear friend each time you come here and my heart smiled when I saw you here today.
I'm sorry your health is not as strong as it used to be, I know that age has reclaimed some of my "get up and go" too....gee, too bad that didn't happen years ago when my son would call for "help" and each time I would get up and go.
My son is still lost in his addiction somewhere, and I give his care to God each morning and live my life well today. As mamas, you and I both tried our hardest and did the best we could, but in the end your daughter and my son will need to find their own light and their own path and that is as it should be.
We walked a long road together, you and I, and shared a lot of tears, a lot of laughter and a lot of love, and my prayers go out every day for you and your family.
How blessed your granddaughter is to have you caring for her. What a loving and wise environment you can provide. Counseling and knowing she can talk to you and Mr. Marteen any time will help her past the pain of her mother's bad choices. I pray that prison brings a strangely wrapped gift called sobriety to your daughter and that she may find a better path soon.
Thank you for the inspiration you bring each time you visit. You are a beacon of hope to so many and have always been an important part of my own recovery.
God bless you, Marteen, and your family and may His blessings be plentiful as your life progresses.
Big huge mama sized hugs and lots of love
And an extra two hugs, one for Mr. Marteen and one for dear granddaughter
I'm sorry your health is not as strong as it used to be, I know that age has reclaimed some of my "get up and go" too....gee, too bad that didn't happen years ago when my son would call for "help" and each time I would get up and go.
My son is still lost in his addiction somewhere, and I give his care to God each morning and live my life well today. As mamas, you and I both tried our hardest and did the best we could, but in the end your daughter and my son will need to find their own light and their own path and that is as it should be.We walked a long road together, you and I, and shared a lot of tears, a lot of laughter and a lot of love, and my prayers go out every day for you and your family.
How blessed your granddaughter is to have you caring for her. What a loving and wise environment you can provide. Counseling and knowing she can talk to you and Mr. Marteen any time will help her past the pain of her mother's bad choices. I pray that prison brings a strangely wrapped gift called sobriety to your daughter and that she may find a better path soon.
Thank you for the inspiration you bring each time you visit. You are a beacon of hope to so many and have always been an important part of my own recovery.
God bless you, Marteen, and your family and may His blessings be plentiful as your life progresses.
Big huge mama sized hugs and lots of love
And an extra two hugs, one for Mr. Marteen and one for dear granddaughter
Hug giver-outer!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
I wanted to add that when we first got our GD at the age of 5, she had regressed and was mostly talking in garbled language with her 2 trusted stuffed animals. She hadn't had anyone to teach her new things since she lived in a small, 16' travel trailer with two desperate, active addicts. She never had a place to hide or a refuge and was exposed to physical fights and G*d knows what else (that's a whole other story!!!!) We sat with her and read to her every single day and answered all of her questions that she had held in for so long.
I am telling you this because of the miracle that happens when you spend time and have responsible and loving behavior with a child. In a little over a year and half, she became the top reader in her class and this past summer, read over 130 books during her summer break. She has developed a love for reading and for learning, in general. She hungers for knowledge and we allow her to talk to us about any concern she has and try to find an answer to any question she asks. She WAS the mother and caregiver in her bad situation or at least she tried to be but when she learned that she did not have to do that any more and all she had to be was a child and learn through her mistakes, she has thrived.
At first, we were worried whether we could help her get past all that she had endured (at least that of which we pieced together and knew) be we found that with love, encouragement and having a safe environment, she thrived and her child inquisitiveness was allowed to come through. We just provided the catalyst and she did the rest! What a delight to see. We will NEVER let her ever be exposed to such things again as long as we can help it. We just pray that she makes the correct decisions when she gets older and chooses the right path but at least she is being given the choice!
Gee, funny how our Higher Power works behind the scenes. Never did we ever think we would be in this position at our ages but as we try to provide an environment to teach her, she is also teaching us.
Hugs everyone,
Marteen
I am telling you this because of the miracle that happens when you spend time and have responsible and loving behavior with a child. In a little over a year and half, she became the top reader in her class and this past summer, read over 130 books during her summer break. She has developed a love for reading and for learning, in general. She hungers for knowledge and we allow her to talk to us about any concern she has and try to find an answer to any question she asks. She WAS the mother and caregiver in her bad situation or at least she tried to be but when she learned that she did not have to do that any more and all she had to be was a child and learn through her mistakes, she has thrived.
At first, we were worried whether we could help her get past all that she had endured (at least that of which we pieced together and knew) be we found that with love, encouragement and having a safe environment, she thrived and her child inquisitiveness was allowed to come through. We just provided the catalyst and she did the rest! What a delight to see. We will NEVER let her ever be exposed to such things again as long as we can help it. We just pray that she makes the correct decisions when she gets older and chooses the right path but at least she is being given the choice!
Gee, funny how our Higher Power works behind the scenes. Never did we ever think we would be in this position at our ages but as we try to provide an environment to teach her, she is also teaching us.
Hugs everyone,
Marteen
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Marteen, that really touches my heart. I cannot begin to guess the way our HP works, but perhaps he let you get extra training with your daughter so that you would be so understanding and protective (in a healthy way) of your dear granddaughter.
If there is any good that has come from the nightmarish hell we have been through, it is that at the end of the battle we found healing and a light that will guide us the rest of our lives, a light we can share with others, like your granddaughter or newcomers here, so that their path may be just a little easier than ours was.
I always maintain that I would not wish my life on my worst enemy, but nor would I trade a single day of it with anyone because it was the pain of the journey that brought me to the good place I am today and it's a place I would never have found any other way.
Your granddaughter is a special little girl, Marteen, I have a feeling in my heart that great things await her in years to come and that the miracles of today will bring her blessings tomorrow.
Hugs again, did I say it was wonderful to see you?
If there is any good that has come from the nightmarish hell we have been through, it is that at the end of the battle we found healing and a light that will guide us the rest of our lives, a light we can share with others, like your granddaughter or newcomers here, so that their path may be just a little easier than ours was.
I always maintain that I would not wish my life on my worst enemy, but nor would I trade a single day of it with anyone because it was the pain of the journey that brought me to the good place I am today and it's a place I would never have found any other way.
Your granddaughter is a special little girl, Marteen, I have a feeling in my heart that great things await her in years to come and that the miracles of today will bring her blessings tomorrow.
Hugs again, did I say it was wonderful to see you?
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Oh gosh, seeing you here made my heart smile.
Eight years sure did go by quick!
(I have 8 years meth free, next month) , I remember when your GD was a little tiny baby.
So much I could say!! I'll have to come back and write more later.
Still hold you close to my heart and have never forgotten all the help you gave to me.
<3
Eight years sure did go by quick!
(I have 8 years meth free, next month) , I remember when your GD was a little tiny baby. So much I could say!! I'll have to come back and write more later.
Still hold you close to my heart and have never forgotten all the help you gave to me.
<3
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Oh ((((((marteen))))))
How good it is to see you and read your update. I am so happy for your grand daughter that she has you and Mr. marteen for a rock.
Congrats to your daughter on earning her PhD I know she worked hard.
As for the one who brought you here we can be thankful for her too because she drove you to us where forever you will be in our hearts and our cyber arms. I don't know what I would have done without you.
Take good care of yourself. Love you forever!
How good it is to see you and read your update. I am so happy for your grand daughter that she has you and Mr. marteen for a rock.
Congrats to your daughter on earning her PhD I know she worked hard.
As for the one who brought you here we can be thankful for her too because she drove you to us where forever you will be in our hearts and our cyber arms. I don't know what I would have done without you.
Take good care of yourself. Love you forever!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 73
Marteen - I read your post this morning when I woke up and I had huge tears in my eyes. I haven't been moved like that in a long time reading a post here. So happy for you and your grandbaby. It's amazing how children flourish in the right envirnoment.
I then drove to work and was listening to NPR and heard this horrible story about how a man was arrested for shooting his 4 year old grandchild and the parents had something to do with it. I started to wonder how horrible of an environment these people must have been brought up in to even grow to be an individual that could do something like that. After my daughter was born I honestly stopped watching our local inner city news because I couldn't handle seeing the things that happened to children now that I was a mother.
And........that brought me to my self realization today that having the addict in my life was going to have that same impact on my child. It didn't matter if i wasn't the addict. It didn't matter if I wasn't taking drugs or drinking. All that mattered was that I was allowing an individual that was so unstable and unhealthy to stay in my life. That meant I was allowing harm into my child's life, regarldess of if it were me that was doing drugs or not.
I'm sure I'm rambling and all over the place right now. My point is that the last 24 hours and reading your post today all just hit home for me. Everyone here on SR tried to tell me that I was not making the right choices. I never thougth it would ever get to the point it did with my ex. But the truth is, it would have continued to get worse and worse for myself and my daughter.
Also thank you for your reply Ann. I keep telling myself there is a bigger reason for this experience for me. If anything, maybe I did need to get close to my higher power and that's the reason for all of this.
I then drove to work and was listening to NPR and heard this horrible story about how a man was arrested for shooting his 4 year old grandchild and the parents had something to do with it. I started to wonder how horrible of an environment these people must have been brought up in to even grow to be an individual that could do something like that. After my daughter was born I honestly stopped watching our local inner city news because I couldn't handle seeing the things that happened to children now that I was a mother.
And........that brought me to my self realization today that having the addict in my life was going to have that same impact on my child. It didn't matter if i wasn't the addict. It didn't matter if I wasn't taking drugs or drinking. All that mattered was that I was allowing an individual that was so unstable and unhealthy to stay in my life. That meant I was allowing harm into my child's life, regarldess of if it were me that was doing drugs or not.
I'm sure I'm rambling and all over the place right now. My point is that the last 24 hours and reading your post today all just hit home for me. Everyone here on SR tried to tell me that I was not making the right choices. I never thougth it would ever get to the point it did with my ex. But the truth is, it would have continued to get worse and worse for myself and my daughter.
Also thank you for your reply Ann. I keep telling myself there is a bigger reason for this experience for me. If anything, maybe I did need to get close to my higher power and that's the reason for all of this.
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