PTSD from Emotional Abuse
 

Here is a link to an article I found to be interesting on the link between PTSD and abuse...

PTSD from Emotional Abuse | Caught in the Cogs

That's a good article B & B, this link will take you to one of the sticky threads that has some helpful information for those who are or have been abused.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html

Thanks Ann... My experience is that the abuse in my relationship was difficult to recognize in the midst of drug addiction and mental illness. Verbal and emotional abuse has been a part of my life since I was a child and I learned some of those behaviors. Understanding that the symptoms I was experiencing was a normal reaction to chronic emotional abuse helped me to take the steps to distance myself from the abuse and abusers- not just my AXBF.

While the majority of professionals acknowledge typical PTSD, some do not acknowledge "complex PTSD" as a real thing caused by chronic emotional abuse which is really at the heart of all abuse. While I do not fit the classic picture of PTSD, I fit the classic picture of c-PTSD to the point where a certain tone of voice or comments from my AXBF would make me physically shake like a terrified rabbit about to be killed and eaten. To this day, the anxiety affects me on the daily, even with distance from the relationship.

I feel I have pretty healthy coping skills now but realize that it is going to take time to recover. I have developed some not so pretty habits as a result as well. The farther I get away from my AXBF- I honestly have no idea who or what he is- drug addict, narcissist, bipolar, sociopathic? Some combination? I don't know and frankly, not sure I want to know. But I know enough to know that I got hooked on the pain and suffering- that was my deal and not his. I took the bait time after time and always got hurt. Now I feel it is time to remove the hooks, be strong and move on.

This is a good time to share something I recently wrote to another SR member in private: I've known for quite a while that I have a major disconnect between my body and my mind, and that I needed to work on not only integrating myself holistically, but to also process a lot of the emotional pain that's stored in my body. Memories aren't only stored in the brain – they're in our bones, muscles, organs, etc., as well. Although talk therapy has been such a godsend for me, there were so many things that I simply could not touch in sessions with my psychologist.

So, I finally started doing physical therapy (therapeutic massage) about two weeks ago and I'm starting feel a rush of emotions and "other stuff" that I can't quite name yet. I'm extremely sensitive lately, sad sometimes (but not depressed), and sometimes quite angry. [I was forewarned that it might be like this for a while, so I'm not anxious or overly concerned.] I believe that I'm starting to process some of the pain that's been locked in me for decades... it's not pleasurable, but I already have the experience of the process I went through (and continue) in my Nar-Anon groups and with my psychologist, so I'm not fighting it.

I'm not writing this as a suggestion, but only to share my experience. If you are interested I will update you on how the massage therapy (which I think is called "biodynamism" in the States) continues to affect me. I should definitely also note that I'm not only feeling "bad stuff" -- I also am a bit more relaxed and much more social, and more open to new things (like saying "yes" when I'm invited to a party rather than staying in and working).

One of the greatest gifts that I've received from my recovery has been an understanding that my mind and my thoughts are only a part of what makes me who I am; my body is not just an appendage of my mind, a tool that "I" use to get around in the world, or a husk that encases "me". My body IS me, or rather, it is a part of the holistic me. I think one of the affects of being abused as a child (and, I suppose, as an adult, as well) is that one tends to dissociate from the body and hide in the mind. I now know how damaging that's been to my health, and I hope that I'm beginning to heal.

Thanks MSB- I am very familiar with various forms of bodywork and I agree that therapeutic massage to work on emotional release is fantastic. Thanks for the reminder, and probably could benefit from going back for more treatment.

"trauma bond" about says it all doesn't it?!

It does. I'm just now coming out of the haze of it all. It's been about a year and a half. Something is broken and I don't know what, but something in me is broken now.