Relapsed on my addiction to AH

Old 10-09-2013, 06:41 AM
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Relapsed on my addiction to AH

Maybe the letter I wrote previously to my AH was a negotiation letter.
I'm not going to let him be homeless because he is saying all the right things.
This will be the third chance in three years.
I hope that he proves the right things with his actions.
I can't turn on him when he's trying to get better.
He promises to keep going to therapy once a week and stay on the medication he's been prescribed.
I'm not sure this is the right choice. But it's my choice.
He also get's out on a Wednesday and that's the night of his home meeting and told me he would like to go.
I have been really torn up about my choice to NOT let him home. It didn't feel good or right.
I was basically doing it to force in-patient care. Trying to control his recovery. Which is a big no-no.
I told him as long as I know he's sober he can stay.
Please don't judge me as some idiot. I love this man. We have been through 12 years together. It's not easy to just throw him away when he's sober and wanting to make himself better.
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Old 10-09-2013, 06:43 AM
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We all have to make our own choices and do what we can live with. This is YOUR decision and yours alone. I hope it all works out the way you want it to.
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Old 10-09-2013, 06:51 AM
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As an AH, reading your post makes me feel so badly about what I’ve put my wife through. I too forced her to make painful decisions. I am trying to do the next right thing and prove to her that I want to stay sober. The best way to do this is to not drink and take care of myself.
I hope everything turns out well for you and your husband. Don’t beat yourself up for wanting to help your AH help himself. I will keep you in my prayers.
Thanks for posting. It helped me remember that my actions hurt those that are closest to me the most.
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Old 10-09-2013, 10:32 PM
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I wanted to send good thoughts your way tonight.

This is something you have given a lot of thought to, and I don't think there is a right /wrong decision. He is coming home clean, and will hopefully make good decisions, and follow up with the plan for long term rehab. We get as many chances as we want to take, We don't get the answers in advance. I think we are only given a set of variables and we make sense out of the puzzle as best we can. Ive read your posts and your a smart lady, a great mom. However it turns out, your going to get through it.
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Old 10-09-2013, 11:53 PM
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You are not an idiot.Your are an intelligent human being playing the cards you
were dealt. People can talk until they're blue in the face about probable outcomes
and codependency.But no one can tell with certainty the path of future events.
A perennial risk factor on SR is the hurting of others who choose paths deemed
(by them) to be inadvisable.It is disrespectful of the pain and suffering of others and
a pastime unworthy of higher order thinking.....and one to which I refuse to subscribe.
The hard core truth is that no one knows what tomorrow will bring.Can any
rational reader truly take issue with that statement of fact?
Equally hard core is that your SR peeps will be there for you, through thick and
thin----offering ES&H in as troll-free an environment as our excellent sharpshooting
moderators can provide.Best of luck to you my friend!
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Old 10-10-2013, 04:10 AM
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One thing I always liked about Al-anon is that it is a program where we don't tell anyone what to do. We share our own experience, strength and hope and let others learn from it and make their own decisions based on what works for them.

You gave careful thought to this and made the decision that feels right in your heart. You know more this time around about yourself and how to keep your balance and want to give this another try hoping the relationship can be mended and continue on a good path. I think that's a good thing.

Whatever the future unfolds, I think you made the right decision for you and keep you and your husband in my prayers.

Hugs
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Old 10-10-2013, 04:51 AM
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Dear KIR, I agree totally with Gunther. Don't let yourself be forced into or overwhelmed by your addicted loved one. You made a decision. Lets see what happens. What he will do. If he stays sober, he crossed over to sobriety if he decides to use again, well, maybe he wasn't serious to begin with. Don't play that blame game, guilt trips or give in to the threats. Do what your gut tells you. Good luck, be strong and take care of yourself. Gentle but firm hugs to you. Support will become your best friend...TF
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