help4hubby

Ugh well I'm back again. After a few really good months my husband is back to doing I don't know what and I'm feeling disgusted, discouraged and hopeless. I decided it was time for me to come back and get some support. My husband completely quit smoking pot a few months ago which shocked me bc he had always said that it was something he would always do. He gradually replaced that habit with alcohol. I've noticed these past few weeks that he's been drinking more and more. He has also started doing pills again klonopin, xanax. He says its only been the 3 times that I know about but I don't believe that. He passes out while smoking and has burnt through a few pairs of pants/shorts bc he fell asleep w a cig in his hand. His temper has gotten awful lately (worse w football). He's in the bathroom all the time for long periods of time. I don't like him anymore. He's just not a nice person and difficult to be around.

LoveMeNow

I am so sorry for you pain. Maybe it's time to change your name to Help4Me.

Mountainmanbob

take care of yourself at this time (whatever that requires)
it's sad but sometimes we come to a place in time where
we still love them
but
we sure don't like them anymore

will he go to counseling or church or an AA meeting with you
you might tell him that
these would be possible baby steps so as to save the marriage

then if (both) parties are willing
a new start can be made

Mountainman

help4hubby

I spoke with my husband's stepdad/boss this weekend. The business he owns is right beside our house so it's convenient for me to go over there. I knew he already knew something was going on bc my husband was late for work everyday for a week a couple weeks ago. He made some good points. He's noticed that my husband seems to have a pattern. He will go about 3 months and do alright before things start to become a problem again with work and home. He will deny deny deny when he's caught in a lie then cry and apologize and promise to get help. We both agree there's no point in him going for counseling w me if it's only to make me happy. We filled each other in on some details the other wasn't aware of. I know he's tired of dealing w this, he's been doing it for years. He's better at spotting a lie than I am unfortunately. He pointed out that the passing out/heavy sleeping isn't normal. He's either drinking way too much or on something else. It's scary to me that I've come to accept this behavior as normal. It's not normal. His job is not physically demanding there's no reason for him to sleep as much as he does. He had a syringe in our car the other day he tried to tell me belonged to a friend. He's constantly losing or misplacing items and then getting really mad. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. I'm calling one of my good friends tomorrow who I've been avoiding and I'm going to tell her what's been going on. I think it will help to talk to her. I always worry so much what people will think. My family would be furious with him. I never let co-workers know about it bc I feel like it puts me in a bad spot w work since
I'm a nurse. Ugh..... Always feels good to vent here. Thanks to u all for just listening and encouraging!

allforcnm

Im sorry your going through this again. Have you, the stepdad/boss ever thought of getting together, maybe with other family, and trying to force him into some type of treatment? It sounds like you might have some influence over him in this area if you were to work as a group. It would take some planning of course, but if the signs are obvious to all of you, then it might be time to consider it.

Please take care of yourself, and I know its difficult, but you should not feel ashamed to tell your close friends. You probably could benefit from their support. Addiction seems to thrive when it is hidden in darkness, shame, and guilt. Pour as much light on it as you can.

help4hubby

Thank you so much! It's comments like yours that are so comforting. I would LOVE for him to get some sort of treatment but I really don't think he will. He's not doing terrible YET and I'd really like to prevent things from getting worse but he has to want to. He doesn't see a problem with taking a xanax or 2 every now and then or klonopin. He thinks it's fine to drive after he's had a couple beers he will even take a beer w him in the car. He has no fear. It drives me crazy. The lying is what bothers me the most. Even when he's caught red handed he continues to lie. Like so many others on here I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm between jobs again which is stressful financially and our refrigerator died this wknd. We just found out it's not fixable so we're gonna have to buy a new one today. :-(