I think some kind of physical exercise would be very good for his recovery. Whether it is fitness, mountain bike, swimming, walking but it has to bee something that appeals to him.

You could even consider whether you could do something together?

This drove me crazy, too. Until my DS got a job, we required him to be up by 9 am everyday and doing something productive around the house (or helping a relative). I gave him a list of jobs that needed to be done around the house: power washing, painting, weeding, mowing, washing windows, cleaning and organizing the garage, etc. He also was required to go to an AA meeting daily. It really worked out great for us. He felt like he was achieving things and helping us and we got a lot of things around the house accomplished. Now that he's working and going to school, I kind of miss my handy man.

I'd make playing video games/internet time dependent on him accomplishing something productive during the day.

Good luck!

Bad news here my friends. It seems obvious that my son has relapsed. He went out yesterday and came back very late. He went out again this afternoon and he appears to be intoxicated. Coincident or not my wife's iPad is missing. Looks like the beast has returned.

I am so sorry that your son has relapsed. Perhaps, it's only a "lapse."

What does Craft or the book you recommend How to Get Your loved one sober suggest you do now? Does it recommend you persuade him to go back to detox??

Gosh...so sorry. You will know what to do. Hugs and prayers...

Addiction is a chronic relapsing disease - so this happens. The road to sobriety is never a straight one. So yes, he is out of house. Whether he goes to a detox or elsewhere is his choice. Hope he does seek treatment but I cannot make him do anything he does not want to. Best we can do is pick ourselves from the ground, take a moment to get our bearing and move on.

Pravchaw, good for you for keeping those boundaries strong! I know this must be awfully difficult, but I think it's great that you have the strength to remember what you are and aren't willing to tolerate in your own life. Your son is very lucky to have a parent who is capable of loving him without enabling him.

You, your wife and your son are in my prayers. I know how heartbreaking this all can be.

Oh no. So sorry to hear this but I see you are sticking to your boundaries and putting it on him. You are so right, we cannot make them do anything. They have to want it. Praying for you that he decides to seek more treatment. Maybe it just wasn't long enough.

Im sorry to hear about his relapse, but your right it is a chronic disease. I had a thought so I will ask... I know it was the Canadian holiday over the weekend, and I was wondering if there were triggering events in this for him? Maybe time with extended family, feelings of insecurity, explaining his not being in college, etc? When my husband was in rehab, I (we) learned a lot about triggers, and emotional times like that can cause stress, even if they are "happy" events. Your son has only been in his outpatient program a short time, and its doubtful he has learned enough new coping skills. I guess my end thought is... hopefully he can identify the factors that led to this relapse, and he can use this to strengthen his recovery. I feel like you are a very supportive family, he is in the midst of outpatient treatment so he has help available to him, its hard to enforce the boundaries - but your doing what is best. Prayers for all of you, he gets back on track soon.

Also, Im sure your not up for giving tutorials, so hope its ok I add this info for other members... the CRAFT (community reinforcement and family training) method also encourages the use of boundaries, and it does not support unhealthy enabling behaviors.

Thinking of you Pravchaw....Sending you strength. I really hope the iPad fell down the couch or something. Please keep us posted.

I'm sorry to hear this, Pravchaw. Even though its "expected", its still so very painful. Keep at it, we had a lot of dark days with our DS. He is now 9 months sober and appears to be doing very well.

haven't been posting much but I do follow along here ****{Pravchaw}}}

so sorry to hear, I know all too well the disappointment but please take heart, all is not lost. He has made efforts and there is much going on that we don't see. He is in a fight for his life, he has parents who love him deeply, love him enough to do hard things and not enable. That is much more than so many addicts have and even those addicts get clean and stay clean. Be strong and know many prayers are going up for you now. God has brought you to a wonderful place of love and support!

I think we got our hopes up over the last 2 weeks - and this feels like a kick into the stomach. Unfortunately (and I should have known better) I let myself get angry last evening and lost the battle. He of course denied everything even though we could clearly see he was high. I don't know whether he will continue the day program or if it even makes sense. We offered to let him stay if he wants to continue and then move out after he has finished. But he is in a very angry place right now and not in a listening mode.

Its so difficult when you want it so bad for your child....but they don't!

Somewhere, deep inside, we maintain hope no matter what happens in the past.

One day, he will get it.....it may be a slow process.

One of the old timers at Alanon said "I have learned that miracles happen when I let go. True miracles. Some times the miracles happen very slooooowwwwly."

Here is the latest: my son is checking in into detox. Not sure what prompted that but big relief he is gone.

Ugh. That's all. And a Hug, which is the same three letters, just in their proper order. :)

I am sorry, Pravchaw. It is such a rollercoaster, even when we try so hard to NOT get on, not be in the vicinity, not even look up...still, we get stuck on it sometimes.

You and your wife are in my prayers tonight. Be there for each other.
Take care.

Pravchaw, I am so sorry for all that has happened. We, as parents, easily get our hopes up with any little crumb, and that's fine. The problem is we automatically set those expectations and then when they aren't met, we are the ones with problem. So hard. I think boundaries can be set, whatever is comfortable for you to handle at the time, and still have hope. My son finished his entire IOP and even got a certificate, had 87 days of sobriety under his belt and relapsed. I was crushed. He did pick himself up and is trying but it's difficult for him. Right now he isn't speaking to me but he does speak with my oldest son, his brother and that comforts me. I saw him this weekend and he actually looked fine but I always worry. It is hard to keep myself from calling him wanting to know every minute of the day what he is doing, but I don't call. I just send him a text every night telling him I love him and that I hope he is safe. For now, this is how I survive. Just keep letting him know that you love him.

Ugh is right and I could use a hug:tyou. Breaking news: we just learnt that he never checked into detox. He went to my younger son's place (he is in another town - going to university there) and spent the night there. Looks like he is back into active addiction and making very poor on the spur decisions. I am afraid that he is going to disrupt my younger son's studies, who is in his mid-term exams. Now pretty sure he stole the ipad. Lying and stealing go with addiction. Addiction = insanity, we cannot get sucked into this.

My son started off with pot. Have you ever considered that your son is on harder drugs? It rare for potheads to steal to support their habits.