Suz08

My XAH is in rehab. I mentioned in a previous post that his therapist has asked if I would be willing to participate in a session with my ex. I have spoken to the therapist (as well as my own) and I am comfortable with the goal and purpose of the session and have agreed to attend. The past several weeks I have focused on my own recovery and what my journey is. However, as I prepare for this meeting I have started to wonder about the future. I try to focus on not having any expectations but is it wrong to hope that maybe one day whether it is a year from now or five years from now that we could reunite?

AnvilheadII

i think i'd keep my expectations real LOW and focus only on the meeting and the PURPOSE of the meeting. he's in rehab, sure, great, but he has a long long long way to go. you are divorced, for a year now? and working on you? i'd keep doing that....not get sidetracked with HOPE....hope for what? that he will get WELL? or that he will come back to you? big difference.

zoso77

Hope's OK so long as you don't let it cloud your reason.

As far as the future goes, I wouldn't go there. You have to be in the moment.

ZoSo

Lily1918

I have hope that I can recover. I have hope that my loved one D will recover. I guess I would be lying if I didnt hope for a life together someday.
For me, there are different kinds of hope. I also hope one day to visit London. I think it is a wonderful dream. It seems unattainable for someone with my finances to go, but I put my pennies in a special jar anyways. I can control the outcome of saving to go to London. I cant control whether or not D will be well enough to come with me. I hope he can, but I have decided I am going, whether he does or not.
I'm not sure if it makes sense, but the penny jar is a nice visual reminder for me about recovery.

allforcnm

I don't think having hope is wrong. In my case, my husband and I were separated for over a year due to his addiction, and the behaviors he brought into our home. But I never stopped loving him, never really lost hope that we would restore our relationship. It happened, he went into treatment (rehab, and private therapy) and we got back together. It was a long road to rebuild; I did therapy also, and together we did marriage counseling. But now we are stronger as individuals, and as a couple I think. While we were apart, I just kept on living life, and working towards the future I knew I wanted for myself and our son.

Kkcr

There is nothing wrong with hope. My husband went to rehab and is home and still struggling with the guilt of what he put his family through and through it all I have been hopeful. A few people who know our situation say they can't believe I stayed and put up with all of this. His drug abuse started last January and he was in rehab in June. I do not think I should throw away a 25 year relationship without trying first to work through it. It's been difficult and at times I have felt like giving up, even threw my wedding rings at him, but I am still hopeful and starting to see signs of his old self shining through.

blindsided08

my boyfriend is in early stages of rehab and recovery..and I am hopeful everyday. but I also have to be realistic as well. I'm trying to remain hopeful and positive. that he will do what he needs to do for him, and me for myself. I believe hope is what keeps us going. <3 good luck, hang in there.

Vale

Hope is fine.....a beautiful piece of black silk.

(just don't roll it up and use it as a blindfold)

Suz08

I love the idea of a penny jar visual. Makes a lot of sense.

You all have brought up excellent points and questions I need to think about. What are my expectations? What is it I am specially hoping for? Am I attempting to prescript to far into the future?

The reality is he is 42 yrs old, started drugs as a teen and the longest consistent stretch of sobriety from meth was 7 years. He does has a very, very long journey ahead and maybe I need to limit my hope to idea that he will just own his recovery, be well and hope meth doesn't take one more soul.

So, I am guessing this is the point I ask my HP to take over control and just be grateful I have learned so much about myself this past year and the power to let Go and Let God.

Vale

>>>>>maybe I need to limit my hope to idea that he will just own his recovery, be well and hope meth doesn't take one more soul. <<<<

(perfect)

ShootingStar1

If thinking about this joint session with his therapist is sparking thoughts of re-uniting with him someday, is it worth it to you to go?

I honestly have no idea how you'll answer that question - entirely up to you.

For me, after 10 months of mainly NC except for divorce proceedings, my now XAH and I had to work together to get our jointly owned home ready for sale, and the contact set me way back in my recovery.

ShootingStar1

overit263

I know this is probably going to sound horrible, and this is just my feeling for my situation, but I don't think I could ever put myself through that again. I'm sorry but when you have dealt with finding out you are with an active addict, and you start piecing together the lies...you don't know what he's done when you aren't together either. I worry about affairs, unsafe partners etc. I think you can forgive, but the door has to close so you can have a chance at a happy healthy relationship, even if it's just with yourself! You have to ask yourself why you still want to be involved with the person. Like me, I come from functioning alcoholics and I knew my AH for 20 years...and I always said to myself that it could have just as easily been me, but...it wasn't, I made choices not to do certain things to make my life worse and I didn't want to numb out. I thought I related to my AH because we both came from screwed up families, and we went through some pretty bad things....but you know what, I made a choice not to use any substance to cover up my pain. Yikes, sorry, I'm in rant mode tonight!

Suz08

ShootingStar1, you ask a very valid question and definitely something to stop and think about.

overit263, rant mode is fine, better to vent and let it out then let it sit inside. : )