Person or Potential??
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Person or Potential??
Are You in Love with a Person Or Their Potential?
Posted on May 20, 2013 by nm_blog_admin
Hope can be our enemy.
Your partner continually shows you a behavior, but you hold out hope and continue to love the person you want them to be.
For example, in an abusive relationship, there is a cycle of ups and downs. You maintain love for the person your partner is when you are in an upswing, and forgive the violence and anger in the bad times. You hold onto the hope that your partner will change.
Maybe your relationship used to be really good.
You hope that in the future, the experience you had in the past will re-appear.
Think about the last time this person met your expectations… When did the hope that you hold onto actually prove to be true? If it was months or even years ago, it’s time to let it go.
If you are not happy, and your hope for this partner is not being met, it’s time to re-examine this relationship. Look at the reality of your life together.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So if you are constantly mistreated, disappointed, it is up to you to change. Don’t put yourself in the position of having your hopes dashed. You can create some distance between yourself and this person. If you cannot cut them out of your life completely, at least create space.
Let go of the potential, and start having hopes for yourself. You can only control your own situation. And once you apply the hopes, dreams and potential to yourself, you will certainly be happier.
Posted on May 20, 2013 by nm_blog_admin
Hope can be our enemy.
Your partner continually shows you a behavior, but you hold out hope and continue to love the person you want them to be.
For example, in an abusive relationship, there is a cycle of ups and downs. You maintain love for the person your partner is when you are in an upswing, and forgive the violence and anger in the bad times. You hold onto the hope that your partner will change.
Maybe your relationship used to be really good.
You hope that in the future, the experience you had in the past will re-appear.
Think about the last time this person met your expectations… When did the hope that you hold onto actually prove to be true? If it was months or even years ago, it’s time to let it go.
If you are not happy, and your hope for this partner is not being met, it’s time to re-examine this relationship. Look at the reality of your life together.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So if you are constantly mistreated, disappointed, it is up to you to change. Don’t put yourself in the position of having your hopes dashed. You can create some distance between yourself and this person. If you cannot cut them out of your life completely, at least create space.
Let go of the potential, and start having hopes for yourself. You can only control your own situation. And once you apply the hopes, dreams and potential to yourself, you will certainly be happier.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I always hold hope in my heart that my son will find recovery...but that is hope without conditions, just hope that he finds a better path. Hope based on the knowledge that he knows where help is when he is ready.
Hope of another kind used to disguise my denial. As long as I hoped that my son would become the person he used to be, I was denying the person he had become through his long term addiction. I could live in the dream of our lives going back to the way were were when in fact our lives had changed forever.
I still burn the candle of hope in my heart, that he finds recovery and saves himself. And I burn the candle of faith that he can...I've seen it happen right here at SR.
But I live in reality today and don't put my own life on hold waiting for him to change his. Because even if he does save himself and find recovery that he can hang on to, our lives are not the same any more and he would have to rebuild his life just as I have rebuilt mine.
Good food for thought here, Anvil, thanks for bringing this here.
hugs
Hope of another kind used to disguise my denial. As long as I hoped that my son would become the person he used to be, I was denying the person he had become through his long term addiction. I could live in the dream of our lives going back to the way were were when in fact our lives had changed forever.
I still burn the candle of hope in my heart, that he finds recovery and saves himself. And I burn the candle of faith that he can...I've seen it happen right here at SR.
But I live in reality today and don't put my own life on hold waiting for him to change his. Because even if he does save himself and find recovery that he can hang on to, our lives are not the same any more and he would have to rebuild his life just as I have rebuilt mine.
Good food for thought here, Anvil, thanks for bringing this here.
hugs
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 311
po·ten·tial
having or showing the capacity to become or develop into something in the future.
I am so in love with this person who right now has no qualities I want in a life partner but has the capacity to become or develop into something in the future.
Sounds different when you say it like that. I mean, there is a chance this pile of dirt will one day turn into a mountain, so I better wait for that potential.
having or showing the capacity to become or develop into something in the future.
I am so in love with this person who right now has no qualities I want in a life partner but has the capacity to become or develop into something in the future.
Sounds different when you say it like that. I mean, there is a chance this pile of dirt will one day turn into a mountain, so I better wait for that potential.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
I've read so many times things like that. The potential. The person they were at the beginning of the relationship. That keeps many people around long after they should have ran. The thing is...no one goes into a relationship showing their worst side. Everyone puts their best foot forward. So, the person we are meeting isn't necessarily the person we end up with.
Great post, Anvil. Thanks for sharing.
Great post, Anvil. Thanks for sharing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
everyone HAS potential....to be something. something more? something less? the ONLY person's potential we truly have ANY "control" over is....our own.
I remember as a kid my mother saying....Theresa Renee, if you would just apply yourself, you'd have straight A's.
yes. that was true. I knew that. my teachers knew that. my mother knew that. but WHY did that matter? what did that mean? was I more of a person if I had better GRADES? I felt diminished, less than, not ENOUGH, never enough just being ME.
we codies meet people (partners) and we think we SEE how much they COULD be. we have already negated who they ARE. we have already stamped them as not good enough as is. if you would only......and yet the sad thing is we aren't interested in their lives as THEY wish to conduct them, we are really only interested in how they personal enrichment and development will affect US. our altruism in turned inside out....what can YOU do for ME????
if only....he'd quit drugs. all would be well.....for ME. look how often on this site once a addict DOES enter rehab, how the partner falls apart....what do I do NOW? then they get out, now they are going to meetings....and the partner says, but what about ME? now i'm here alone while s/he is at those meetings with those people. how long does this go on? the fact that s/he is SOBER and making the effort is still an impediment, because WE are not getting the benefit. because we thought we could tell what they would be like sober, perfect husband, loving wife, maybe take a couple of weeks to kick the drugs/alcohol to the curb and then all will be wonderful...completing our vision of the future. if only........
in all this we forget, set aside, our own potential. what WE have to offer. our own strengths, time, talents, treasures. what potential our OWN life, distinctly separate from others.....that takes a lot of work. much easier to look to someone else to do all that hard work.
I remember as a kid my mother saying....Theresa Renee, if you would just apply yourself, you'd have straight A's.
yes. that was true. I knew that. my teachers knew that. my mother knew that. but WHY did that matter? what did that mean? was I more of a person if I had better GRADES? I felt diminished, less than, not ENOUGH, never enough just being ME.
we codies meet people (partners) and we think we SEE how much they COULD be. we have already negated who they ARE. we have already stamped them as not good enough as is. if you would only......and yet the sad thing is we aren't interested in their lives as THEY wish to conduct them, we are really only interested in how they personal enrichment and development will affect US. our altruism in turned inside out....what can YOU do for ME????
if only....he'd quit drugs. all would be well.....for ME. look how often on this site once a addict DOES enter rehab, how the partner falls apart....what do I do NOW? then they get out, now they are going to meetings....and the partner says, but what about ME? now i'm here alone while s/he is at those meetings with those people. how long does this go on? the fact that s/he is SOBER and making the effort is still an impediment, because WE are not getting the benefit. because we thought we could tell what they would be like sober, perfect husband, loving wife, maybe take a couple of weeks to kick the drugs/alcohol to the curb and then all will be wonderful...completing our vision of the future. if only........
in all this we forget, set aside, our own potential. what WE have to offer. our own strengths, time, talents, treasures. what potential our OWN life, distinctly separate from others.....that takes a lot of work. much easier to look to someone else to do all that hard work.
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