vadams

Ok my husband just checked into an inpatient rehab. He will be there for 28 days. I am not sute what I should do. I know this time is supposed to be about his recovery and being focused on himself. In the three days he's been gone I've been able to have a clear mind since I am not wrapped up in his drama worrying about him. And I am pissed off! All of the lies the things he stole from me and even our children. Pawned his wedding ring! Ugh I could go on and on and on lol! I went to visit him today and he was distant with me. I aksed him if he's made any friends. He began to go on about this girl who was in there with him and how cool she is. (Can't lie I worry a little bit he's going to cheat on me with this person.) Then he goes on about how sorry he feels for her. That kinda pissed me off even more. I get that these people in there can relate to him in a way that I can't. But he doesn't even feel bad for his own wife who's heart he broke over and over again! At this point I'm not sure what to even say to him and I'm not 100% sure I want to remain married to him. Not sure if I should wait til he's home to tell him how I feel or tell him now.this is a very confusing time for me:-(

deeker

Just from my own experience. when the drugs and alcohol were gone I found myself looking for another high and was not even aware that it was my addiction in another form..

Lusting over someone is another kind of rush. Not saying it was right but it does happen.

But I do want you to know that if the Rehab sees them getting to chummy they will break that up right away. Rehabs are pretty good at spotting that.

Been there done that.

rowd44

Remember, you can only control your actions not his. I don't blame you for being pissed but over time as he's in recovery should start to see a positive change from him being self absorbed to more selfless. I would imagine what is more important than his apologizes would be his living amends - showing positive changes. Alcoholism is a selfish disease and unfortunately you as a victim is standing there going...how about me?? Although I am an alcoholic I do see and understand it from your view...hang in there. You may want to al alnon meetings to get a different perspective...good luck

Hammer

Fully understand.

Since rehab and since the 10 months back -- Mrs. Hammer has been mostly an ass most of the time.

For my part I am just keeping distance and working on my stuff. Works for me -- maybe you, too.

I am far happier with just letting God deal with her.

KeepinItReal

I wish I could tell you!! But a good start would be by protecting yourself. My AH who I have loved and have a 3 and 7 year old started recovery 3 yrs ago. First was admitting ghe problem, then 28 days, then seboxone and outpatient 3 times a week. Rehab is a great place for him but it leaves us wondering. Its a good starting point to a lifetime of addiction recovery. I am just now after 3 yrs starting my own recovery. I am not getting divorced.... I have thoughts... but I am not ready. I recommend reading all the stickies. I also recommend not waiting so long for your self care... I should have started this a long time ago.

BlueChair

Hello there. My husband is away in rehab also. I dont have answers for your feelings, but I can say that I have had a lot of different feelings so far. I was happy at first he was getting help and safe, then I got angry especially after I learned more of the damage he did to things. Now I am not angry any more, and I am seeing that he is really looking at himself, learning, and healing. We started family counseling sessions together a few weeks ago and those have been helpful for us to talk and begin figuring all this out together. Im doing counseling on my own to, and Im sure i give her an earful every time I go. But it is helping me. I have a couple threads, and one is sort of a check in thread for all of us who have husbands, or boyfriends in rehab right now. You should look at it because you will see we all feel a lot of emotions right now. Your not alone ! Its called, My Husband is in rehab, and Im sleeping with his Shirt.

CodeJob

Way too short. Focus on you. Document what needs to be documented. Consider lawyer consult. Go to therapist. Read Melody Beattie. Try Al Anon. Run your budget without him just to see. Decide what your line is. Is the relationship already over? If not, what is your line? Does rehab have a family program?

I'm just 4 months further down the road. Things may remain murky post-rehab.

vadams

I went to my first al anon meeting lastnight and it was really good for me. For once it wasn't about him. I'm so sick of hearing its about him! As far as our marriage goes I honestly don't know if its over at this point part for hates him but another part of me still lobes him with all of my heart. He used our whole relationship. He wad high for four and half years. I don't even know if he does or ever did love me. I have 21 days left to figure out what I want.

Lily1918

When D went for 30 days I asked him to live in a sober living house after. Maybe this is something you could consider if you want more than 20 days?

needingabreak

Vadams, My son just returned from rehab and sober living and was gone 60 days. I can tell you from my own experience the person he was after being there a week and the person he is now are two different people in the sense that he sees things very differently. How your husband is thinking could be very different from when his 30 days are over. Does the rehab he is in have anything like a family weekend where you attend and have groups with other family members and support? We found this to be EXTREMELY helpful. keep the faith. It has only been three days and BTW rehab will be on him if they see anything that seems inappropriate going on.

vadams

My husband has been in rehab for 16 days now. He is very distant. He hasn't written to me. When I have gone there for family visits he doesn't have much to say to me. I sent him a letter and wedding picture to try and lift his spirits but he never wrote back. When I went to visit hom this past weekend he was really strange. He sat as far away as possible. His hands were trembling he seemed really nervous. He wouldn't even really look at me. He kissed me when I left aand said he loved me but the visit was really weird. Is this normal? Has anyone experienced this with a spouse in rehab.

overit263

I experienced that with my husband in rehab and he ended up telling me that I make him miserable...so I got a lawyer and filed for divorce. Best decision I've ever made. He pawned his wedding band among other things and we have been through this once before. First time was fool me once, shame on you, now it's fool me twice, shame on me. You have no idea what your husband has done as an addict, and you can't assume you'll ever get the full truth about what he's done while an active addict. I've found out all sorts of stuff from other people and I have no regrets about filing for divorce at all. If you aren't an addict yourself, you can't begin to think like one. Sometimes it's too painful to know what they have done.

pravchaw

Its a difficult process. This may be of some help. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...loved-one.html

vadams

How were things between you guys before he went into rehab?

allforcnm

My husband went through something similar also. He had a time when he was very anxious in his body language, preoccupied with his thoughts. There were ups and downs. Also, my husband had a lot of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and in some ways tried to push me away because of it at first.

We had been separated for a while before he entered rehab, we had not spent much time together at all, except shortly before he entered. I think how we communicate with them also has something to do with it.

His rehab allowed for a good amount of communication between us, except he was out of state so it made it hard. But overall things got better with time. If they offer you any marriage counseling, or the like - I would suggest utilizing it. Helped us a lot.

vadams

Thank you! My husband and I were apart for about a week before he went into rehab because I didn't trust him at home. He went to stay with his sister while he waiting for a bed to open at the rehab. Even tho we fought about his drug use because of him denying still using we got along great. We were very close when he wasn't getting high we spent every minute together. He wouldn't go a day without telling me he loved me or that I was beautiful. So we didn't have this terrible marriage before rehab. That's why I can't understand the distance. He did do a lot of things to hurt me in order to get his drugs like he pawned his wedding ring amd stole our daughters birthday money so I know he has quilt but worried maybe he's done something else and that's why he is being distant. I'm just really confused right now. I love my husband very much I just my husband back not this junkie he turned into.

KeepinItReal

I'm going to be frank with you. Your husband will always be that junkie and loving husband.
He cannot take back the actions. He can forgive himself.. and you can forgive him after the pain has subsided. When, you really can get over YOUR anger.
I also have nightmares about my husband cheating on me. Why would he want a healthy wife if he isn't ready to be healthy himself??
Also, if YOU are not healthy (unknowingly) then he might be distant because you ENABLED him (without knowing it).
It's a sick world - addiction is sick!
I have no doubt your a good person, and your in the right place getting support.
I had nothing wrong with me! I was fine! Why should I work on myself???
Then, I realized... i'm broken. I NEED him. I am human. After 3 years of HIM starting recovery... I only started.. just began my recovery. I am on the first step.
I am making a reality I can recover in. I'm being honest with myself taking each day one day at a time.
I'm at a cross-road of not letting my addicted husband come home. He stole from my kids, he sold his car... he's not stable. AT ALL. I am not a recovery center. He cannot get better at my home. He needs a long term in patient program.
I love my husband. I am doing what is best for ALL of us. It hurts. It's walking through the pain to get better.... not easy.

vadams

Well husband was kicked out of rehab for getting caught cheating on me with a girl in there! He does not feel sorry he said well what do yiu want me to say I did it! ******* dick head! He said he just doesn't know what he wants! Wow! This is the same ****** who just days before told me how much he loved me and I was his soulmate! Wtf! Heartbroken isn't even the word!:

needingabreak

I am so sorry this has happened to you! Well, I think you've got an answer here. I cannot imagine the hurt you must be feeling right now. Take the time to think about what is best for you and do it. You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. Where is he living right now? Start taking care of yourself and make arrangements that suit you, even if it means he is out of the house. I will pray for guidance and strength for you.

vadams

Thank you! Yeah I came right home packed his **** and dropped it on his mothers door step. I'm so done