UncleB

Hello all. I just registered for this site after spending the day looking online for ways to offer help to help my nephew who is addicted to heroin and badly in need of help. I don't know if I am posting my plea in the right forum, forgive me if I am not and direct me elsewhere if that is he case.

It has recently come to be known that my nephew is addicted to heroin. My sister and her husband have been quiet about this for some time but within the past two weeks, the rest of the family has come to learn of the hell my nephew is going through and his parents seemingly helpless feelings.

I have found out that he has been in and out of rehab and each time he leaves, he goes back to using. The family insurance does not cover long term help ( limited to four days at a time) and this seems to be the big problem. The other problem is he will often leave the facilities after only a few hours to go use. It is a cycle which has gotten worse and worse.

Within the last week, he told his father that if he cannot get clean he plans to end it, purposely OD in order to relieve them of the burden he has become( in his eyes). He did a four day stint which ended yesterday, checked in to another facility today, and signed himself out after a few hours. He is undoubtedly using right now, and his plans of suicide are very much in all of our minds.

I am hoping someone knows of some way to get him into a facility in NJ which would take him in long term and not hold steady to the four day insurance rule(which seems to be ridiculous). He is in a very bad way obviously, and it seems as if his parents have lost hope and are basically waiting for the worst to become reality. I have reached out to several people who are going to try to help. I am just looking to see if there is perhaps a stone his parents or I have left unturned.

If anyone knows of any facilities in NJ which will provide for long term in patient rehab/detox for him that can accept him without insurance and limited money(they have pretty much used all of their money already), please let me know. I don't know of all of the places he has already been ( like I said, they have been very secretive about this situation), but will take any and all responses straight to them in the hopes that he can get the help he needs before we lose him. I, too, feel helpless and want nothing more to save this kid from this horrible situation.

My sister is not talking to any of us. She basically had a breakdown. My brother in law is talking like it is too late. I know it isn't. I know I have to step up/step in and do whatever I can to get him help quickly because I don't think his parents are capable mentally at this point.

Thanks for listening and thanks in advance even more for any and all advice anyone can provide. Fingers crossed that it is not too late.

exitstressville

My son is a recovering heroin addict, he is currently in a Salvation Army ARC. Salvation Army residential programs are free, beneficiaries typically stay 6+ months, they have work therapy (they work 40 hours a week in the thrift stores or in the ARC). Try doing an internet search for Salvation Army ARC for New Jersey.

allforcnm

Very sorry to hear what you family is going through UncleB. Four days is probably not going to do much for him even detox wise. The mind on drugs is just not thinking clearly or rationally. Has the family ever looked into forced treatment due to his threats of suicide? Shame, guilt, all these negative emotions play in to the addicts desire to keep using; at least this is what my husband has told me. He needs to realize this addiction is an illness, a disease, there is no shame, he just needs to accept help, and life can get better. Regardless of what you do, he will still have the power to walk out of any facility if he chooses unless its mandated treatment.

I don't have any personal knowledge of NJ. But there is a resource available through SAMHSA (Substance abuse and mental health services admin) that has a treatment locator, and a hotline. You can search for treatment centers in your area, and they have an option to select sliding fee scale' or payment options' when you need financial assistance. They only list facilities that are approved by the state to treat substance abuse. Here is their link: Find Substance Abuse and Mental Health Treatment

Sending up prayers for your family tonight.

lonelystar

Hi

Sorry to hear what your family is going through I have an addicted son he abuses pain pills , in ny and I think ni as well it is hard to find a long term program for inpatient I sent my son out of state maybe that is something to look into the programs are much longer and they accept many insurance . On another note it would be a good idea the rest of the family get some help as well , therapy or meetings.

pravchaw

He should see an addiction doctor who could stabilize him on suboxone. Its a legal opoid which will address his cravings and keep him off the street and let his mind stabilize towards recovery.

Kindeyes

Here is a link to information about the Salvation Army ARC in New Jersey. It is a six month free program of recovery. It helped my son and they have helped so many. They will house him, clothe him, feed him, and provide therapy, meetings, anger management, life management.....they keep them very busy. It is full of men of all ages from 18 - 65 (although most of them are in the younger bracket at the SA-ARC here). It is an amazing program.

Salvation Army ARC New Jersey

I'm so sorry that your family is dealing with this. Addiction is a family disease.....it's not just the addict affected by the disease. If your sister and her husband need help, there is also great support in the rooms of Nar-Anon for them. There are many parents who are dealing with addiction in their adult children. It's incredibly painful to watch our children killing themselves with street drugs. There is help. There is support. Sometimes it's important just to know we aren't alone.

Tell them about SR as well. It all helps. They are lucky to have you.....it sounds like they need someone to help them find the resources.

gentle hugs
ke

lizwig

Hi uncle...I'm so sorry about what you are dealing with. It does sound as if your sister has hit her bottom. Many of us here had to reach that place before we could begin rebuilding our selves. I know I literally drug myself through the doors of al-anon. I had to reach the spot where I was able to say "I am powerless over my son's addiction. My life has become unmanageable". I also was ashamed for a long time letting my family in on our"secret", but I am so glad I did.

If your nephew is expressing suicidal toughts you can call 911. Once at the emergency room they could put him on an M-1 hold...up to 10 days in some cases while they try to find resources for him. Does he qualify for any public assistance?? I have never heard of an insurance company only authorizing 4 days. That sounds downright dangerous. The Salvation Army program as well as Suboxone would both be great avenues to pursue. But..as I'm sure you know...the results of either will be a direct reflection of his level of commitment. Please let your sister and brother in law know there is help available to them too. Sending strength your way...

Twofish

Hello UncleB, Lizwig is 200% correct. You need to move quickly when someone is threatening to harm themselves. Sounds like this nephew has some mental illnesses to work on along with the addiction issues. When my 19yr old threatened this last time, I looked to SR for advise, they told me to stop typing al call 911, which I did. That call saved her life. The police/hospital can/put her on a hold, non voluntary, he will not be given the option to leave after a couple of hours. As far as money for long term inpatient therapy goes, you have been given some wonderful options from exit and KE! You also will have the option of making payment plans to the hospital, that's what I am doing now. My child's life is well worth the money I don't have, but I will find a way. I was given my gift (AD) back to me and I'm letting God and the specialists guide her thru the path that leads right to , sobriety, which she was ready for and choose freely. Suicide is not a game, it should be taken extremely seriously. I hope that helps you. A good word to remember is hope, we have hope, if not, we wouldn't care at all. Take care, gentle hugs, TF

lizwig

Twofish reminded me of something else. Many hospitals are non-profits. By simply asking to talk with a financial counselor they can often cut the cost of services in half if you are self-pay. But you have to ask for it. The hospital simply agrees to accept what a program like Medicare would reimburse them. I know, terribly unfair for those of us who have good insurance with hefty copays but if he does have any hospitalization I would check into this immediately.

UncleB

First off, thank you to everyone for the quick and very helpful suggestions, and thanks for the thoughts and prayers. It is great to know that there are people out there so helpful and so kind.

I have been giving my brother in law the information and suggestions. The feeling I am getting from him is a "been there, done that" kind of attitude. Hopeless mental exhaustion is how I would best describe it. I am going to have my brother reach out again shortly as I don't want to have my brother in law put up a wall from me. I'm going to see if hopefully another voice and another perspective will make him more open to trying some of these things again. It's difficult for me to know what they have tried in the past since they have kept this from us for so long. Just gonna keep at it and hope they find a way.

I have no way to reach my nephew personally. If I did, I would try to take matters into my own hands. Just seems that the people who can do for him( his parents) are in a bad state themselves. Terrible feeling for the other people in their lives who love and care for them. I'm going to keep at this and hope for the best. Thanks again everyone. You are all in my thoughts and prayers as well.

Mountainmanbob

if you would for your family please make a few phone calls
in most all cities there are long term treatment centers that have no charge

in this city we have many long term free programs with two mentioned below

Teen Challenge (they also accept older ones in need) my 40 year old friend was just there
Salvation Army

these offer up to a year and sometimes more treatment if needed

best wishes
from
Mountainman

Mountainmanbob

Teen Challenge USA :: Home



teenchallengeusa.com

Freedom through discipleship. 12-month residential services for all ages struggling with life-controlling addictions.





The Salvation Army: Adult Rehabilitation

http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/.../...0A6E...‎

INDIVIDUAL REHABILITATION. For over 100 years The Salvation Army has been providing assistance to people with a variety of social and spiritual afflictions ...

lizwig

You are in a difficult spot with not knowing the types of things his parents have already pursued. By the time I reached out I had done everything I could think of to "fix" my son. Problem was...He didn't want fixing. I'm not sure how badly your nephew wants help but if he is able he should get engaged in the process of finding what is available. My thinking had changed a lot in the last year. I used to try and fix things for my son all the time...not realizing that in doing so I sent a silent message that I thought he was incapable. Your sister and brother in law may have simply let go of their end of the rope...essentially holding him up if you will...they may have admitted they are powerless. He has to want to help himself. Is he checking himself into these facilities he walks away from? If you and your other brother could maybe talk to him, when he isn't out of his head, perhaps you can figure out how engaged in the process of getting clean he is. Then start researching resources. You may just be peeling off the top layer of the onion right now...there is likely more to this.