What a night
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
What a night
I had a wonderful opportunity last night to speak at a large banquet (300-350 people) that was for the alumni of the Salvation Army ARC (of which my son is one).
My son and I were assigned to different tables so we didn't sit together which was fine. He got to see sooooo many of his friends from his six month stay at the Salvation Army ARC.....it was wonderful to see him so happy. Shaking hands. Giving Bro-hugs. Laughing and swapping stories.
I got to sit next to two young men at my table. One who recently graduated the program and the other who will graduate next month. They were delightful. And I couldn't help but think of all of the parents here on SR who have children still lost in their addiction.....thinking that these young men's parents were no different than we are......I'm sure they had lost hope at some point. Yet here they were. Clean and sober. Thoughtful. Respectful. Handsome. Talkative. Grateful. There was a huge room FULL of people in various stages of recovery. It was awesome.
Evidently, this was the first time at this annual event that they had a speaker from a family program (Nar-Anon) sharing our side of the story. I felt very privileged to speak on behalf of all of the parents and family members to describe what our side of the disease of addiction feels like. And how I found help in the rooms of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon.
They kindly gave me a standing ovation at the end of my speech and sooooo many of them came up to me afterwards to thank me and express HOW MUCH they wish their loved ones would go to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. I was overwhelmed.
I guess I'm sharing this because there was one young man, probably mid-30s who told me how much he wished his Mom had sought help......he spoke in past tense. I didn't ask...but assumed she had died. It broke my heart. HE WISHED SHE would have gotten help. I'll bet you never thought of it from the perspective of the addict....I didn't.
Being embraced and thanked by so many people who are struggling with addiction was an amazing experience for me. I saw their human-ness. I saw their struggle. I saw their hope. I saw their smiles. It made my night to hear my son say "You did great Mom." People were coming up to him and thanking him for what I had to share.
The Salvation Army ARC is the most amazing program. And it's free to those in need.....completely supported by donation, the warehouses, and stores.
Just for today I am grounded in gratitude.
gentle hugs
ke
My son and I were assigned to different tables so we didn't sit together which was fine. He got to see sooooo many of his friends from his six month stay at the Salvation Army ARC.....it was wonderful to see him so happy. Shaking hands. Giving Bro-hugs. Laughing and swapping stories.
I got to sit next to two young men at my table. One who recently graduated the program and the other who will graduate next month. They were delightful. And I couldn't help but think of all of the parents here on SR who have children still lost in their addiction.....thinking that these young men's parents were no different than we are......I'm sure they had lost hope at some point. Yet here they were. Clean and sober. Thoughtful. Respectful. Handsome. Talkative. Grateful. There was a huge room FULL of people in various stages of recovery. It was awesome.
Evidently, this was the first time at this annual event that they had a speaker from a family program (Nar-Anon) sharing our side of the story. I felt very privileged to speak on behalf of all of the parents and family members to describe what our side of the disease of addiction feels like. And how I found help in the rooms of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon.
They kindly gave me a standing ovation at the end of my speech and sooooo many of them came up to me afterwards to thank me and express HOW MUCH they wish their loved ones would go to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. I was overwhelmed.
I guess I'm sharing this because there was one young man, probably mid-30s who told me how much he wished his Mom had sought help......he spoke in past tense. I didn't ask...but assumed she had died. It broke my heart. HE WISHED SHE would have gotten help. I'll bet you never thought of it from the perspective of the addict....I didn't.
Being embraced and thanked by so many people who are struggling with addiction was an amazing experience for me. I saw their human-ness. I saw their struggle. I saw their hope. I saw their smiles. It made my night to hear my son say "You did great Mom." People were coming up to him and thanking him for what I had to share.
The Salvation Army ARC is the most amazing program. And it's free to those in need.....completely supported by donation, the warehouses, and stores.
Just for today I am grounded in gratitude.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I'm certain you represented well, as certain as I am that the sun came up this morning. I'm also certain you shared and spread a wonderful message of hope. I wish I could have heard you. Reading your words brought tears to my eyes, but they were the good happy ones.
By the way, my daughter told me YOU NEED HELP! in the middle of a screaming match that I started. I dismissed her words and resisted for a few months, then finally sought help but under the guise of helping my daughter. After a couple of sessions I knew she was right. And I'm still going
By the way, my daughter told me YOU NEED HELP! in the middle of a screaming match that I started. I dismissed her words and resisted for a few months, then finally sought help but under the guise of helping my daughter. After a couple of sessions I knew she was right. And I'm still going
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
By the way, my daughter told me YOU NEED HELP!
Good to "see" you Chino!
Big (but still kinda gentle) hugs to you this morning
ke
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: ohio
Posts: 33
my boyfriend is currently in his second week of the SA ARC program. it brought tears to my eyes to hear you talk about the other addicts in the program, ones who have completed it and ones who are there now..looking happy and healthy. I haven't got to see him yet, but I can hear all that in his voice. I had my reservations about the program at first, but it was his to work, and I'm so glad he chose this program. thank you for sharing, it has brightened my day to read of hope. for everyone involved!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
How lucky there were to have you speak, Kindeyes and how blessed your son is to have a mother like you.
Just as addiction is a family disease, recovery can also be a family healing tool.
Prayers out today for all those young men who are sober today thanks to such a wonderful program.
hugs
Just as addiction is a family disease, recovery can also be a family healing tool.
Prayers out today for all those young men who are sober today thanks to such a wonderful program.
hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
thanks for sharing Kindeyes!!!
I think I'll go shopping at the Sal this weekend to support the cause and pay it forward on behalf of my still AS.
Have a great weekend - you and yours deserve it!!
I think I'll go shopping at the Sal this weekend to support the cause and pay it forward on behalf of my still AS.
Have a great weekend - you and yours deserve it!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
It's official. I'm a big PHAT baby! Sitting on my lunch break at work with tears in my eyes because I'm just so dang happy for you KE. And your son. And all of those other amazing young men who show us it CAN be done. I know you've had a bit of a "wobble" feeling lately but I can only imagine this experience, as well as getting to see his friends from the program, has only strengthened your sons resolve. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. You have made my day...as I'm sure you made the evening of many others in attendance last night. High fives, cartwheels, big smiles and massive hugs being sent your way today. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I know you've had a bit of a "wobble" feeling lately but I can only imagine this experience, as well as getting to see his friends from the program, has only strengthened your sons resolve.
Interesting that you mention my "wobble" (lol I love that)..... the wobble had less to do with my son and everything to do with this event....And me. I committed to this speaking engagement months ago. It was a fear based "wobble" because I was so afraid that he would relapse before the banquet and that he would change his mind and not go. That was the crux of the wobble. I was afraid I was going to be speaking to a room full of people and be unable to say that my son was still clean and sober.....which should have been fine because it was my story.....not his.
I was afraid that he simply wouldn't show up to pick me up. All of those fears were based on his past behavior in active addiction. He was unpredictable. He would commit and not show up......well.....I guess he was predictable. lol. My fear was so great that he wouldn't show up that I had a back up plan.....just in case.
Not only did he show up to pick me up on time.......but he was quite early.
These are the lingering fears caused by addiction......I still have to work on letting go of the past every day. When will my growing be done? Hopefully......only when I'm ready to leave this earth.....until then.....I suspect my HP will continue to provide more opportunities for growth.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by suki44883 
Sounds like what happened last night was exactly what you needed when you needed it. Isn't it amazing how our higher power knows what we need exactly when we need it?
And where have you been Suki!!!! Good to "see" you!!!
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
KE - I have no doubt you did an awesome job!!
As far as when will your growing be done? I can only share my ES&H (and you know my dad is an enabler to stepmom, clueless on addiction, but still)...it was months before he or my sm trusted me to go to work and come home.
I had BETTER answer my cell phone when they (mostly dad) called, or call back ASAP and have darned good reason why I didn't answer (um, gee, I was waiting on a table?!?!)
Most of all, my ACTIONS had to speak more than my words. Saying "I"m sorry" was just words. When I went to work and paid dad back for all the money he spent on "bailing me out" (not of jail, but my car, bills, etc.) in 2 months? When I was where I said I'd be, when I said I would be? The trust started seeping in.
I know it's different with me, as I live with dad and sm. I can tell you this - if I ever go back to the town where I used and relapsed? They would worry. If I don't answer my phone or don't call back? They will worry.
It's something I'm not quite sure they will ever get past, but because I keep in touch, because dad can pull up my location on my phone (with my permission), it's getting better. I do feel bad that my past behavior led to this "OMG, she's WHERE?!?!?" feeling, but it eases.
Sorry for the novel, but as both an RA and a recovering codie - we get where we want to be when we're ready. I still don't trust sm (an A). I work MY programs and stay the heck out of theirs (or lack of).
Got to admit, I get a HUGE smile at the vision of you speaking...SO proud of you!!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
As far as when will your growing be done? I can only share my ES&H (and you know my dad is an enabler to stepmom, clueless on addiction, but still)...it was months before he or my sm trusted me to go to work and come home.
I had BETTER answer my cell phone when they (mostly dad) called, or call back ASAP and have darned good reason why I didn't answer (um, gee, I was waiting on a table?!?!)
Most of all, my ACTIONS had to speak more than my words. Saying "I"m sorry" was just words. When I went to work and paid dad back for all the money he spent on "bailing me out" (not of jail, but my car, bills, etc.) in 2 months? When I was where I said I'd be, when I said I would be? The trust started seeping in.
I know it's different with me, as I live with dad and sm. I can tell you this - if I ever go back to the town where I used and relapsed? They would worry. If I don't answer my phone or don't call back? They will worry.
It's something I'm not quite sure they will ever get past, but because I keep in touch, because dad can pull up my location on my phone (with my permission), it's getting better. I do feel bad that my past behavior led to this "OMG, she's WHERE?!?!?" feeling, but it eases.
Sorry for the novel, but as both an RA and a recovering codie - we get where we want to be when we're ready. I still don't trust sm (an A). I work MY programs and stay the heck out of theirs (or lack of).
Got to admit, I get a HUGE smile at the vision of you speaking...SO proud of you!!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Awesome ke! I bet you were amazing.
Thank you for taking the time to share your story.
---
Interestingly, I left my partner at 3 months (we had been together for 10 years) sober because she refused to get help or acknowledge she needed to make any changes. I was the sick one, right?
I knew I had to choose between being sober and the relationship - I couldn't do both. In the past, I had chosen the relationship (which I do not blame her for!).
It was tough, but worth my sobriety. I think we're both better off for it in the long run.
Thank you for taking the time to share your story.
---
Interestingly, I left my partner at 3 months (we had been together for 10 years) sober because she refused to get help or acknowledge she needed to make any changes. I was the sick one, right?
I knew I had to choose between being sober and the relationship - I couldn't do both. In the past, I had chosen the relationship (which I do not blame her for!).
It was tough, but worth my sobriety. I think we're both better off for it in the long run.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Amy
I leave him alone for the most part. Live and let live, right? He texts me periodically or I text him. He pops by periodically. I don't ask questions. I simply observe his behaviors. He is polite, kind, loving..... Is there trust? I don't know.....not really.....that will take a long time I think. I'm just trying to stay on "my side of the street" so to speak. He's an adult and what will be will be. I know that nothing I can do will stop him if he picks up again.
I don't want to have a leash on him....that's not good for him or me.
But I'm sure I'll get wobbly now and again.....that's why I keep coming back.
gentle hugs
ke
I leave him alone for the most part. Live and let live, right? He texts me periodically or I text him. He pops by periodically. I don't ask questions. I simply observe his behaviors. He is polite, kind, loving..... Is there trust? I don't know.....not really.....that will take a long time I think. I'm just trying to stay on "my side of the street" so to speak. He's an adult and what will be will be. I know that nothing I can do will stop him if he picks up again.
I don't want to have a leash on him....that's not good for him or me.
But I'm sure I'll get wobbly now and again.....that's why I keep coming back.
gentle hugs
ke
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Wow, great post KE. Just curious, will there be a CD?
How's that side of the bridge these days? Keep the light shining please, I am slowly but steadily trying my best to get over there where the fun party is.
How's that side of the bridge these days? Keep the light shining please, I am slowly but steadily trying my best to get over there where the fun party is.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
It sounds like you created a good memory at the event last night.
Its also sounds positive for your son, hopefully the recent relapse scare was either a short lived event, or never really occurred.
Im glad there was so much HOPE being shared throughout the event
Its also sounds positive for your son, hopefully the recent relapse scare was either a short lived event, or never really occurred.
Im glad there was so much HOPE being shared throughout the event
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
Wow, great post KE. Just curious, will there be a CD?
How's that side of the bridge these days? Keep the light shining please, I am slowly but steadily trying my best to get over there where the fun party is.
How's that side of the bridge these days? Keep the light shining please, I am slowly but steadily trying my best to get over there where the fun party is.
And ummmmmm.....no......no CD. However, I did receive an email this morning inviting me to come back every few months to share with a new "batch" of beneficiaries.
gentle hugs
ke
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
