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sad to be back here again..

Old 09-16-2013, 02:38 PM
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sad to be back here again..

i was here in may when my husband came home, out of the clear blue, and asked for help. money had gone missing but he explained it away - he hadn't been acting right but he promised he was just tired. all the lies got to be too much and he knew he was on the verge of getting caught so he caved and told me...off to rehab for 30 days.


fast forward to last night. same old look in his eye, he seems pale..hes too tired to stay up but is walking the house at 3am, he's sick to his stomach and cant eat dinner with my 3 year old and i. ALL signs he gave me before that i overlooked. (we're talking about oxycodone and xanax abuse btw).

So today i ask to drug test and hes currently telling me he wants to leave me anyway, so theres no reason for it. HUH? everything was fine. i think he has something to hide and im heartbroken.

advice?
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Old 09-16-2013, 02:49 PM
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So today i ask to drug test and hes currently telling me he wants to leave me anyway, so theres no reason for it. HUH? everything was fine. i think he has something to hide and im heartbroken.
Advice? Nope. Insight?

When you pay less attention to what he says and more attention to what he's doing, things will become far more clear.

There's nothing that says you have to tolerate poor behavior from your AH. Read as many of the posts and stories as you can and make the best possible decision for you.

ZoSo
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Old 09-16-2013, 03:06 PM
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I'm so sorry your going through this. It feels like the addict is "cheating" and essentially they are.. but not with another person, but with drugs. He may not be ready to give in to his addiction and 30 day rehab stays (I hear) are not what we imagine they are. My AH said it was worse than jail. LOL.
You can just start to protect your money, any valuables and try not to argue in front of the innocent kids. (i'm guilty of this.) I'm here... going through heroin/opiate addiction as a wife....and it's horrible. I feel your pain.
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Old 09-16-2013, 08:10 PM
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Let him leave...protect yourself. He will do anything to hide and get it at your expense. So sorry
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Old 09-16-2013, 10:57 PM
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You know the score. No need to test him.

Do you want to be an equal partner in a relationship or a warden?

Your 3 year old deserves more than living underneath the same roof with an addict. Put the best interests of the child first and the rest will follow.
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Old 09-17-2013, 07:45 AM
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I'm sorry you're dealing with this. This is what I read in your post:

You: I want to drug test you.

Him: (thinking....crap.....she knows. The best offense is a good defense....she'll leave me when I test positive so I'll leave her first!). I was going to leave you anyway so there's no need to test.

Personally, I don't want to be in someone's life who doesn't want me there. And unfortunately "we" are a huge buzz kill to an addict. I've said this before......we are no different from the addict. We are going to put up with unacceptable behavior until we are done with it. The addict is going to use drugs until they're done with it. And it isn't unusual for one person to reach "done with it" sooner than the other......but it's not usually the addict.

Addiction is a cunning and baffling disease......it can only go into "remission" with the full participation/cooperation of the addict. We can't love them into remission. We can't coerce them into remission. We can't guilt them into remission.

What are you willing to do to take care of yourself and your child?

gentle hugs
ke
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