Fiance addicted to weed and sex life suffers from it
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Fiance addicted to weed and sex life suffers from it
My Fiance is since many years addicted to weed. He likes to smoke everyday pure blunts with really strong weed. Normal weed doesnīt affect him anymore at all. Unfortunate his addiction affects our sex life very much. His sex drive is very low and almost not there. We only have sex sometimes whereas when we first met it wasnīt like that. Also our evenings always end habitual. Wheter he is smoking by himself or calls friends to come over to smoke with him and to many times it will be after 10pm at night, which is very disturbing to me sometimes. Also i am trying to get pregnant and i start to believe that i donīt get pregnat because he is smoking so much on a everyday basis. Is this something that is absurd or am I right about my concerns? We keep arguing about his addiction because of too much money getting spend on it or just because of the fact that there is not one day whitout weed. If he canīt get weed at the time he wants it he smokes cigarettes or cigars. Iīm a non smoker and sometimes this is turning me down in a way too (sexually).
I understand that he is smoking because of stress, he is also a Ex-soldier he spend 8 years in the core and went to war as well. I feel he needs to smoke to calm down but what can I do to support him better. I donīt want to argume all the time because of the fact that I donīt want him to smok so much. For me itīs ok if he smokes weed every now and then but how he does it is too much of an addiction that anything else. And i feel it got worse in the last year.
I understand that he is smoking because of stress, he is also a Ex-soldier he spend 8 years in the core and went to war as well. I feel he needs to smoke to calm down but what can I do to support him better. I donīt want to argume all the time because of the fact that I donīt want him to smok so much. For me itīs ok if he smokes weed every now and then but how he does it is too much of an addiction that anything else. And i feel it got worse in the last year.
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Sorry to hear what you are going through.
Perhaps now isn't a great time to get pregnant until you can work out what's happening with the relationship?
Addiction can be really bad for children.
Has he sought any help, for the stress he has from combat? The military is much better than they used to be for helping guys who are willing to be honest about what they're going through.
Perhaps now isn't a great time to get pregnant until you can work out what's happening with the relationship?
Addiction can be really bad for children.
Has he sought any help, for the stress he has from combat? The military is much better than they used to be for helping guys who are willing to be honest about what they're going through.
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First of all thanks for the reply. He hasnīt sought no help lately but did 2 years therapy after war. Towards me he aint nothing like a aggressive type of person, actually he is really good to me and does everything for me-thatīs why the wish for children-because i know he will be a great dad and care about his kids and do everything in his power for the family.
Well do i know how to deal with PTSD, No. I think this is a real sensitive topic and has to be handeled carefully because i believe war veterans went to a whole lot that is not in my imagination because i have never been through it.
But I wanna support and I am glad about any advice on how to react better on addiction problems. He do want to cut it down but i think because of the look into the past it is something to hold him down and thatīs why it is so hard for him to do stop or cut down more.
I do have realized that since we are back together (i was out of the country for a couple of months) he cut it down a little. But to me itīs still too much sometimes... I donīt know.. I feel that sometimes i make it harder for him to keep the smoking on the low because of my reaction to it. Sometimes i get mad easily when i see him smoke a lot, but only because I really care for him! But at the same time I donīt mean to get mad so quick I do want to support him if he really tries to stop, and not flip on him when he has a throw back on his old habit to smoke all day long....
Sometimes i just feel helpless when it comes to how should i behave on this...
My mother used to be a drug addict for many years ( since she was a teenager actually) now she only smokes cigarettes and weed and I am actually happy about that because she used to do very hard drugs. I donīt like that she smokes weed because i am concerned of any throwbacks on other things, but iīm happy that it is just the weed she smokes instaed being hooked on hard drugs....
This might sound confusing but i hope this is understandable what i mean with it. So in a way sometimes i feel the same way with my partner and just donīt say anything about it. Only because I know he went through a lot and has seen things that nobody can imagine who is not related to being in war....
He is actually a calm person but has a lot of energy at the same time. But if there is a situation ( with other people) he donīt like he raise temper very quick and flip turn mad quick.
I will be glad if anyone who has those experiences to give advice on how to work with him on whatīs bothering him. I know i can only do so much but I want to be the person in his life that is the peaceful balance for him to calm him down, so he can be able to get inner peace....
Well do i know how to deal with PTSD, No. I think this is a real sensitive topic and has to be handeled carefully because i believe war veterans went to a whole lot that is not in my imagination because i have never been through it.
But I wanna support and I am glad about any advice on how to react better on addiction problems. He do want to cut it down but i think because of the look into the past it is something to hold him down and thatīs why it is so hard for him to do stop or cut down more.
I do have realized that since we are back together (i was out of the country for a couple of months) he cut it down a little. But to me itīs still too much sometimes... I donīt know.. I feel that sometimes i make it harder for him to keep the smoking on the low because of my reaction to it. Sometimes i get mad easily when i see him smoke a lot, but only because I really care for him! But at the same time I donīt mean to get mad so quick I do want to support him if he really tries to stop, and not flip on him when he has a throw back on his old habit to smoke all day long....
Sometimes i just feel helpless when it comes to how should i behave on this...
My mother used to be a drug addict for many years ( since she was a teenager actually) now she only smokes cigarettes and weed and I am actually happy about that because she used to do very hard drugs. I donīt like that she smokes weed because i am concerned of any throwbacks on other things, but iīm happy that it is just the weed she smokes instaed being hooked on hard drugs....
This might sound confusing but i hope this is understandable what i mean with it. So in a way sometimes i feel the same way with my partner and just donīt say anything about it. Only because I know he went through a lot and has seen things that nobody can imagine who is not related to being in war....
He is actually a calm person but has a lot of energy at the same time. But if there is a situation ( with other people) he donīt like he raise temper very quick and flip turn mad quick.
I will be glad if anyone who has those experiences to give advice on how to work with him on whatīs bothering him. I know i can only do so much but I want to be the person in his life that is the peaceful balance for him to calm him down, so he can be able to get inner peace....
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So you're pretty satisfied with a pot head for a potential father for your future babies?
Real quick here... you will never be his calmness. He has pot for that. If you could be that, he wouldn't need pot.
It strikes me that you say he smokes all day so what does he do? Or are you going to be the financial bread winner of the whole family unit when you two bring kids into this world? You have money issues now with him spending a lot on dope. Who's going to give up what for diapers? It's a serious question that I don't need an answer to but you need to figure it out.
My brother is an Iraq War Vet and he doesn't smoke pot. He goes to the VA every 3 months and see's his Dr. He works a state job and just got out of school. I know only bits and pieces of his nightmare over seas. The fact that your boyfriend is turning to drugs and justifying it is off putting because he could get help if he wanted it. I doubt he will get it though because he knows you're cool with a little bit of pot so why should he stop?
Welcome to SR. Hope you find what you're looking for.
Real quick here... you will never be his calmness. He has pot for that. If you could be that, he wouldn't need pot.
It strikes me that you say he smokes all day so what does he do? Or are you going to be the financial bread winner of the whole family unit when you two bring kids into this world? You have money issues now with him spending a lot on dope. Who's going to give up what for diapers? It's a serious question that I don't need an answer to but you need to figure it out.
My brother is an Iraq War Vet and he doesn't smoke pot. He goes to the VA every 3 months and see's his Dr. He works a state job and just got out of school. I know only bits and pieces of his nightmare over seas. The fact that your boyfriend is turning to drugs and justifying it is off putting because he could get help if he wanted it. I doubt he will get it though because he knows you're cool with a little bit of pot so why should he stop?
Welcome to SR. Hope you find what you're looking for.
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Mhhh... I hear what u saying but donīt you think you got way to less information to judge like this. I mean you take it to a whole other level by almost saying we canīt be good parents and should never have kids. I want to say that he got his own business and yes he provides for the family and always did, we make good money but still i donīt like the amounth that has been spend on weed. I work as well and i never said heīs sitting at the house the whole day doing nothing, but he does smoke a lot.
I rather prefer more objective advice than just a opinion. Iīm here in this forum to get support on how to deal with this better and not to be judged and downplayed especially not when it comes to family issues....
I rather prefer more objective advice than just a opinion. Iīm here in this forum to get support on how to deal with this better and not to be judged and downplayed especially not when it comes to family issues....
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Maybe this is the beginning of your journey with an addict? When weed isn't enough anymore? I'm in so much despair over my AH heroin addiction. The first step is to accept your powerless over addiction. Are you there yet?
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I rather prefer more objective advice than just a opinion. Iīm here in this forum to get support on how to deal with this better and not to be judged and downplayed especially not when it comes to family issues....
many, if not most, of us that end up here on SR also grew up in addiction households. that's called ACOA...Adult Children of Alcoholics/Addicts, so when we suggest that NOW is the NOT the time to bring tiny defenseless children into a home strife with addiction, fights, discontent, anger.....as you have the CHOICE, then we say PLEASE make that choice. cuz we didn't get one.
sure he's a great provider, except he smokes pot 24/7, spends too much money, invites his buddies over after 10pm at night....AND YOU HATE IT....but that doesn't stop him....you can't stop him, babies won't stop him.
many, if not most, of us that end up here on SR also grew up in addiction households. that's called ACOA...Adult Children of Alcoholics/Addicts, so when we suggest that NOW is the NOT the time to bring tiny defenseless children into a home strife with addiction, fights, discontent, anger.....as you have the CHOICE, then we say PLEASE make that choice. cuz we didn't get one.
sure he's a great provider, except he smokes pot 24/7, spends too much money, invites his buddies over after 10pm at night....AND YOU HATE IT....but that doesn't stop him....you can't stop him, babies won't stop him.
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Mj lowers sperm count. Prob that's why you are not getting pregnant.
Marijuana - Marijuana Use and Effects of Marijuana
Marijuana - Marijuana Use and Effects of Marijuana
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Originally Posted by Butterfly78 
Mhhh... I hear what u saying but donīt you think you got way to less information to judge like this. I mean you take it to a whole other level by almost saying we canīt be good parents and should never have kids. I want to say that he got his own business and yes he provides for the family and always did, we make good money but still i donīt like the amounth that has been spend on weed. I work as well and i never said heīs sitting at the house the whole day doing nothing, but he does smoke a lot.
I rather prefer more objective advice than just a opinion. Iīm here in this forum to get support on how to deal with this better and not to be judged and downplayed especially not when it comes to family issues....
I rather prefer more objective advice than just a opinion. Iīm here in this forum to get support on how to deal with this better and not to be judged and downplayed especially not when it comes to family issues....
I don't have experience with MJ (my husbands drug was pain meds)... but it sounds like you are wanting him to reduce his smoking, if not stop it totally. Its the excess smoking that is bothering you. And you think he smokes partially due to stress and maybe PTSD from his time in combat. And you want to know how to support him, not argue about it. and maybe encourage him to cut back?
I would suggest you take a look at CRAFT (community reinforcement and family training method). Its goal is to make your life better, teach you different ways to communicate with your husband, use positive reinforcements to encourage him to want to alter his behavior. (He has to be the driving force of change; something inside him has to see he needs to change to have the life he wants). Im attaching a link where you can read up on it, and there is a book that is mentioned there also. I have read the book, as it was suggested to me by the therapist at my husbands rehab. I used the methodology to support his early recovery. You can also look up the book on amazon / google. HBO: Addiction: Treatment: Getting Someone into Treatment: CRAFT: An Alternative to Intervention
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Play the scenario all the way through to the end - you get pregnant by some grace of god. Pot head daddy doesn't want to stop - what does that look like in your mind? how does that feel in your heart? Fast forward, pot head daddy doesn't want to just use pot anymore (and POT isn't where he is going to stop trust me) and now, pot head daddy is using coke, or meth or something else, What does that look like in your mind? how does that feel in your heart? Fast forward to your child being of the age when he knows that pot head daddy is a pot head, and he wants pot head daddy to take him to the park or the movies or to a game and pot head daddy can't b/c he is a pot head, a broke tired old pot head - What does that look like in your mind? How does that feel in your heart? I would also ask you, what makes you want to be with a man who is a pot head? Do you know think you deserve the best that life has to offer? A sober loving man with a life plan that fits having a family, supporting that family and raising those children in a responsible way? You can make all the excuses you want and get defensive b/c you feel people are judging you but, you aren't alone when we tell you that this is a hard road you are looking at traveling down. And you might want to ask yourself, why you want to take yourself (which is one thing) but also children, which is a completely other thing down that road.
And yes, I don't think drug addicts make good parents. Because in the long run, drug addiction will lead them to away from the values that support raising children, if their values are not already compromised.
You need to take care of yourself - and keep coming back, Read the forums where parents of children and drug addict partners have to deal with crazy making on a daily basis. It is eye opening for sure. and painful.
And yes, I don't think drug addicts make good parents. Because in the long run, drug addiction will lead them to away from the values that support raising children, if their values are not already compromised.
You need to take care of yourself - and keep coming back, Read the forums where parents of children and drug addict partners have to deal with crazy making on a daily basis. It is eye opening for sure. and painful.
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