Lost in the waiting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 157
Lost in the waiting
Waiting on everything in my life. Working and finishing up school waiting for it to be over, waiting for the baby to come, waiting to see how husband will do in treatment. Finishing school is not going to be easy, but it keeps my mind busy at least so I dont have time to worry about things as much.
Husband had his evaluation with the addiction specialist. They layed out a couple of different treatment plans, and of course he is not enthused about any of them except just seeing the doctor. He doesnt want to do the outpatient program that is for those people who are working. His reason is he still has to leave work early, and that is true he would. And he doesnt know how he can explain doing that everyday for a full month. It is a valid concern I guess. The doctor told him that since he has been using everyday then he suggested he have something in place for a while as a distraction, and educating himself through outpatient was a good place to start since he cant see the doctor every day. The doctor also mentions CA or NA as a fill in for him, but he's not liking the thought of that. But he did have two appointments with the specialist last week, and has two more scheduled this week. He has had only 2 appointments where it was lets get to business.
I dont know if he is still using or not. I havent asked. I think he may be because of slight things in his behavior that have troubled me, but it could be from his moods. I figured why ask, he might lie and whats the point?
My girlfriend, the only one who knows whats going on was over one day. She has got this real attitude about him now, and whenever I tell her anything she acts like it is the worst thing ever, and she is starting to think I should make him leave. I also think she is codependent, because she almost forced me to go to a naranon meeting Saturday. I told her I wasnt going to go to the alanon anymore (its closest to us) and she tricks me on Saturday, comes to pick me up and I thought we were having just lunch, and she says after the Naranon meeting which is 45 minutes away. But in her defense I know she is trying to help me, and she says it is a burden to her that only she knows and I dont have more support. She has been reading and talking to people on her own, on my behalf. Is this pushy or is it just me? The meeting was more of an eye opener than alanon though. It was more crime and disturbing behavior. I actually cried some during the meeting, and had a nice talk with one of the ladies after the meeting who is close to my age. (the other meeting everyone was older it seemed like). In the end I thanked her for making me go.
I am almost to the point of feeling like I should ask him to leave until he gets his usage stopped, because I am a little worried about some of his behaviors and that it could have a strong enough effect on me to harm the baby. Its a big decision though, and I have so much going on I dont know if it would be worse to push it, or wait and see if these sessions help him. Im going to talk it over in my own session, Im going once a week now.
thought I would catch everyone up, and vent a little too. In a way I hate to write this because i know a lot of people think I should have kicked him out already, but this is where Im at.
Husband had his evaluation with the addiction specialist. They layed out a couple of different treatment plans, and of course he is not enthused about any of them except just seeing the doctor. He doesnt want to do the outpatient program that is for those people who are working. His reason is he still has to leave work early, and that is true he would. And he doesnt know how he can explain doing that everyday for a full month. It is a valid concern I guess. The doctor told him that since he has been using everyday then he suggested he have something in place for a while as a distraction, and educating himself through outpatient was a good place to start since he cant see the doctor every day. The doctor also mentions CA or NA as a fill in for him, but he's not liking the thought of that. But he did have two appointments with the specialist last week, and has two more scheduled this week. He has had only 2 appointments where it was lets get to business.
I dont know if he is still using or not. I havent asked. I think he may be because of slight things in his behavior that have troubled me, but it could be from his moods. I figured why ask, he might lie and whats the point?
My girlfriend, the only one who knows whats going on was over one day. She has got this real attitude about him now, and whenever I tell her anything she acts like it is the worst thing ever, and she is starting to think I should make him leave. I also think she is codependent, because she almost forced me to go to a naranon meeting Saturday. I told her I wasnt going to go to the alanon anymore (its closest to us) and she tricks me on Saturday, comes to pick me up and I thought we were having just lunch, and she says after the Naranon meeting which is 45 minutes away. But in her defense I know she is trying to help me, and she says it is a burden to her that only she knows and I dont have more support. She has been reading and talking to people on her own, on my behalf. Is this pushy or is it just me? The meeting was more of an eye opener than alanon though. It was more crime and disturbing behavior. I actually cried some during the meeting, and had a nice talk with one of the ladies after the meeting who is close to my age. (the other meeting everyone was older it seemed like). In the end I thanked her for making me go.
I am almost to the point of feeling like I should ask him to leave until he gets his usage stopped, because I am a little worried about some of his behaviors and that it could have a strong enough effect on me to harm the baby. Its a big decision though, and I have so much going on I dont know if it would be worse to push it, or wait and see if these sessions help him. Im going to talk it over in my own session, Im going once a week now.
thought I would catch everyone up, and vent a little too. In a way I hate to write this because i know a lot of people think I should have kicked him out already, but this is where Im at.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 36
Yes waiting...until end of the month..until after xmas... Etc. If naranon felt good for you then you should keep going. Sounds like your friend will be happy to bring you!! Its good that you can talk about it freely with someone. I wouldnt know what to say about kicking him out but if you really think your baby and yourself are in danger? Thats something to consider IMO.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I am sorry OnceAweek that you are going through this. I understand your pain and confusion all to well.
I hope you don't think people are telling you to make him leave. That is your choice and only yours. I think people just keep encouraging us to take care of us. That's all we really can do.
Like him, you won't be done until you are done. But in all honesty, you have been much wiser then I. I didn't realize what was happening until it was too late and I hung on to a sinking ship, waiting for a miracle.
You have taken many positive steps to take care of you and your baby. This is all a process and you are doing great. Be gentle with yourself and your friend, addiction effects us all.
I hope you don't think people are telling you to make him leave. That is your choice and only yours. I think people just keep encouraging us to take care of us. That's all we really can do.
Like him, you won't be done until you are done. But in all honesty, you have been much wiser then I. I didn't realize what was happening until it was too late and I hung on to a sinking ship, waiting for a miracle.
You have taken many positive steps to take care of you and your baby. This is all a process and you are doing great. Be gentle with yourself and your friend, addiction effects us all.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
