My Son Relapsed:/
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 102
My Son Relapsed:/
After almost 90 days and completion of his IOP, my 23 year old AS relapsed. My gut told me something was wrong. Although, he has been doing great, there's been quite a bit of stress with legal problems that he may or may not have to deal with from his past. Yesterday, I noticed sweating and track marks on his arms. When I questioned him, he walked away. I was at his place picking him up to take his daughter to kindergarten class in the afternoon. He's such a great father to her...he wants to the best for her. In my mind I'm saying, "Why doesn't he want the best for my son...you my son.!"
Well, I followed him to his room and made him face me. I told him that he cannot lie to me and that I knew better than to believe it was a bug bite. I told him that it's better to be up front and not lie because the damage is done. We cried together. He told me he was so ashamed and felt guilty. I told him that I know that he is not going to stop using because of me or anyone else. I told him I don't judge him but it hurts me to see him hurt himself.
I don't know...I felt so sad, but at the same time numb??? My son me he was back on the suboxone now. I just told him that if he is not done using that I would rather know up front so that I know what to expect. I don't want my granddaughter or my daughter (his roommate) to be in any kind of danger or to see him hurt himself.
Subsequently, he started cleaning the condo and finished getting his daughter ready for school. I took her to her class, came back, we had another heart-to-heart (no yelling, no confrontations, just trying to figure out how to get past this and back on track). The rest of the afternoon we dedicated to picking up his daughter, then visited my daughter at work, and dropped my son and daughter back at the condo.
This morning, we all went to his daughter's cheer class, and had a good time. I have to trust that he will try harder like he said he would.
Did I do the right thing? I feel sad but accept that I cannot do more than what I am doing. I can't watch him 24-7 and I also need to spend time with my husband, who is very understanding. I leave it in my higher power's hands. Only time will tell, and I really hope that this relapse turns into to one long active addiction episode with all the drama that comes along with it. Praying for my son every.
Well, I followed him to his room and made him face me. I told him that he cannot lie to me and that I knew better than to believe it was a bug bite. I told him that it's better to be up front and not lie because the damage is done. We cried together. He told me he was so ashamed and felt guilty. I told him that I know that he is not going to stop using because of me or anyone else. I told him I don't judge him but it hurts me to see him hurt himself.
I don't know...I felt so sad, but at the same time numb??? My son me he was back on the suboxone now. I just told him that if he is not done using that I would rather know up front so that I know what to expect. I don't want my granddaughter or my daughter (his roommate) to be in any kind of danger or to see him hurt himself.
Subsequently, he started cleaning the condo and finished getting his daughter ready for school. I took her to her class, came back, we had another heart-to-heart (no yelling, no confrontations, just trying to figure out how to get past this and back on track). The rest of the afternoon we dedicated to picking up his daughter, then visited my daughter at work, and dropped my son and daughter back at the condo.
This morning, we all went to his daughter's cheer class, and had a good time. I have to trust that he will try harder like he said he would.
Did I do the right thing? I feel sad but accept that I cannot do more than what I am doing. I can't watch him 24-7 and I also need to spend time with my husband, who is very understanding. I leave it in my higher power's hands. Only time will tell, and I really hope that this relapse turns into to one long active addiction episode with all the drama that comes along with it. Praying for my son every.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 628
Lotusangel, I know its hard but you know you have to leave his recovery in his hands. Give him support, love and compassion but no money. Let's hope that this relapse is a short term learning opportunity and he gets back on the sobriety horse soon.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
I think you did everything right.
Showed a lot of support, understanding, and accentuated the positive in his life: his daughter, family, all those enjoyable activities.
And at the same time, you did not enable because you spoke up and let him know you were aware of what was happening.
He is fortunate to have outpatient skills available to him; relapse can be used to strengthen recovery, prayers going up tonight that this is what happens... and prayers for your and your husband also. You definitely cant watch him 24/7 and its better you don't try. Keep your life well rounded with all you love and enjoy; and I think you will find your in a much better place emotionally to offer support to your son.
Showed a lot of support, understanding, and accentuated the positive in his life: his daughter, family, all those enjoyable activities.
And at the same time, you did not enable because you spoke up and let him know you were aware of what was happening.
He is fortunate to have outpatient skills available to him; relapse can be used to strengthen recovery, prayers going up tonight that this is what happens... and prayers for your and your husband also. You definitely cant watch him 24/7 and its better you don't try. Keep your life well rounded with all you love and enjoy; and I think you will find your in a much better place emotionally to offer support to your son.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
Sorry for your pain, I know what a let down that seams like. I pray he sees the light and does the right thing.
It is a sad part of recovery but relapse happens. We just hope the sober time in between they learn the tools to help them fight the disease. That they learn that they can control it and life is not so bad with out the drugs.
He has to do it for himself and he needs to get back on the wagon as soon as he can.
You did good, I cant say right or wrong because each situation is different.
Prayers are with you.
It is a sad part of recovery but relapse happens. We just hope the sober time in between they learn the tools to help them fight the disease. That they learn that they can control it and life is not so bad with out the drugs.
He has to do it for himself and he needs to get back on the wagon as soon as he can.
You did good, I cant say right or wrong because each situation is different.
Prayers are with you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My prayers go out for him too, that he can get back on the right path of recovery and learn from this mistake and move forward.
You handled it very well, it must have been hard to see.
Hugs
You handled it very well, it must have been hard to see.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by Lotusangel 
After almost 90 days and completion of his IOP, my 23 year old AS relapsed. My gut told me something was wrong. Although, he has been doing great, there's been quite a bit of stress with legal problems that he may or may not have to deal with from his past. Yesterday, I noticed sweating and track marks on his arms. When I questioned him, he walked away. I was at his place picking him up to take his daughter to kindergarten class in the afternoon. He's such a great father to her...he wants to the best for her. In my mind I'm saying, "Why doesn't he want the best for my son...you my son.!"
Well, I followed him to his room and made him face me. I told him that he cannot lie to me and that I knew better than to believe it was a bug bite. I told him that it's better to be up front and not lie because the damage is done. We cried together. He told me he was so ashamed and felt guilty. I told him that I know that he is not going to stop using because of me or anyone else. I told him I don't judge him but it hurts me to see him hurt himself.
I don't know...I felt so sad, but at the same time numb??? My son me he was back on the suboxone now. I just told him that if he is not done using that I would rather know up front so that I know what to expect. I don't want my granddaughter or my daughter (his roommate) to be in any kind of danger or to see him hurt himself.
Subsequently, he started cleaning the condo and finished getting his daughter ready for school. I took her to her class, came back, we had another heart-to-heart (no yelling, no confrontations, just trying to figure out how to get past this and back on track). The rest of the afternoon we dedicated to picking up his daughter, then visited my daughter at work, and dropped my son and daughter back at the condo.
This morning, we all went to his daughter's cheer class, and had a good time. I have to trust that he will try harder like he said he would.
Did I do the right thing? I feel sad but accept that I cannot do more than what I am doing. I can't watch him 24-7 and I also need to spend time with my husband, who is very understanding. I leave it in my higher power's hands. Only time will tell, and I really hope that this relapse turns into to one long active addiction episode with all the drama that comes along with it. Praying for my son every.
Well, I followed him to his room and made him face me. I told him that he cannot lie to me and that I knew better than to believe it was a bug bite. I told him that it's better to be up front and not lie because the damage is done. We cried together. He told me he was so ashamed and felt guilty. I told him that I know that he is not going to stop using because of me or anyone else. I told him I don't judge him but it hurts me to see him hurt himself.
I don't know...I felt so sad, but at the same time numb??? My son me he was back on the suboxone now. I just told him that if he is not done using that I would rather know up front so that I know what to expect. I don't want my granddaughter or my daughter (his roommate) to be in any kind of danger or to see him hurt himself.
Subsequently, he started cleaning the condo and finished getting his daughter ready for school. I took her to her class, came back, we had another heart-to-heart (no yelling, no confrontations, just trying to figure out how to get past this and back on track). The rest of the afternoon we dedicated to picking up his daughter, then visited my daughter at work, and dropped my son and daughter back at the condo.
This morning, we all went to his daughter's cheer class, and had a good time. I have to trust that he will try harder like he said he would.
Did I do the right thing? I feel sad but accept that I cannot do more than what I am doing. I can't watch him 24-7 and I also need to spend time with my husband, who is very understanding. I leave it in my higher power's hands. Only time will tell, and I really hope that this relapse turns into to one long active addiction episode with all the drama that comes along with it. Praying for my son every.
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