It's always the mom
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
Hi
You will find in time there is nothing you could have done to stop the addiction, I saw the signs knew where my AS was heading ,sent him to therapy , moved, talked , nothing helped he just kept sinking in deeper and deeper, he started abusing when he was 18 he now 22 ATM he is sober struggling but he's trying , I can understand the feelings of guilt helplessness but in the end there really is nothing we can say or do to get them clean , I have learned through all of this to try to heal myself I had to for my own sanity and for my family today my son said something that reinforced the need to detach , he said "it's my life I don't need a babysitter nor is it going to help I can choose on my own to ruin or to save my life", so you see they are the ones that choose. I think you have to start thinking about you, if and when they want they can and will stop , there is life beyond addiction I still struggle with my fears but have learned to quiet them down and am learning to detach with love .
You will find in time there is nothing you could have done to stop the addiction, I saw the signs knew where my AS was heading ,sent him to therapy , moved, talked , nothing helped he just kept sinking in deeper and deeper, he started abusing when he was 18 he now 22 ATM he is sober struggling but he's trying , I can understand the feelings of guilt helplessness but in the end there really is nothing we can say or do to get them clean , I have learned through all of this to try to heal myself I had to for my own sanity and for my family today my son said something that reinforced the need to detach , he said "it's my life I don't need a babysitter nor is it going to help I can choose on my own to ruin or to save my life", so you see they are the ones that choose. I think you have to start thinking about you, if and when they want they can and will stop , there is life beyond addiction I still struggle with my fears but have learned to quiet them down and am learning to detach with love .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hello my friends, This morning started off so wonderful. I was so happy. My 14 yr old son and myself, got up early, (and yes this is a Saturday morning and he is a teenager who hates to get up when it's not an emergency, like school!) anyways, we were on our way to do a service progress for our church, involves cleaning up and around an old mansion, weeding, painting etc. it went very well, great bonding time, no wining. Then we went home around noon, full of mud but happy. I walk in the house, my 22yr old AD is there, instead of hi mom, I miss you, etc. Noooooo, it was "why are you bent on ruining my reputation? Why are you telling everyone that I shoot heroin up in my neck? It was devastating to say the least. When is this going to stop! Ever? Why on God green earth would I "tell" everyone she "shoots" heroin up in her neck? Why would I do that to her, I love her, I respect her, I protect her to the ends of the earth. Why would ANY mom say that about her child? She went on and on how I prodded info from her friends. That's when my husband stepped in. I was alittle frightened about what he was going to say to us, but he told the AD that if she disrespects me one more time, she could just go get her stuff and get her a$$ in the car and he would take her right back to Madison. He told her he was getting sick of this record. He told her he was sitting right there when her addicted ex best friend came over crying, begging me not to tell her mom about the heroin problem the girls have found themselves in. "Why would your mom, who loves you beyond love, do that to you?" I was balling my eyes out as usual, the AD daughter said, look at mom, she's acting guilty as hell. I said nothing. Why argue with an AV? Why take the bait? So I said fine, don't bother calling me asking for money or food or anything, if I'm that awful, then stay away. She looked shocked and walked away. I did thank my husband for the support, he just said he was sick of how these kids are treating me (Dah! Finally getting it?) so I'm in my room, drying my tears, thinking about not worrying about this and getting on with the rest of this beautiful fall day. I'm writing this to get it off my chest, to show these addicted kids, friends, what their nasty friend named addiction does to the one they love or should I say the one who loves them. Worry is a terrible emotion to live with, I'm learning to let it go. I may have to let this AD go for awhile if this crap keeps happening. I'm gonna be happy now, go do something productive and meaningful. Thanks SR for reading my posts, I know they get long, I hope not boring, but this group of friends I have met here have helped me more than words could ever express. Thank you from this broken but bitter but better emotionally drained mom! Love ya, TF
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 102
Stay strong. I will try to do the same today. It sounds like we both got the same dose of medicine this morning from our addicted children. I managed to walk away for the drama for today, and I am proud of that. Enjoy the rest of the day as well. I am staying busy and doing "me" today because I can't change "him" today. Hugs
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