a break in the clouds
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 36
a break in the clouds
yesterday the clouds broke.
he suggested rehab.
after his 5 1/2 years of this hell, he is finally thinking he can't do it alone. I am almost completely overcome with emotion.
in all honesty, i feel relieved that he decided this. but, knowing where i've been for the last 5 years, its almost surreal. unbelievable.
i'm not so sure if this is where the bus stops, but...at least its a start. i can't stop crying. it feels like a dam broke. its exciting and yet terrifying all in the same breath.
Saturday we go check out the facility. do his drug and alcohol evaluation. and then we'll go from there. i really hope he sticks with it. this means more to me than ANYTHING we could have.
he suggested rehab.
after his 5 1/2 years of this hell, he is finally thinking he can't do it alone. I am almost completely overcome with emotion.
in all honesty, i feel relieved that he decided this. but, knowing where i've been for the last 5 years, its almost surreal. unbelievable.
i'm not so sure if this is where the bus stops, but...at least its a start. i can't stop crying. it feels like a dam broke. its exciting and yet terrifying all in the same breath.
Saturday we go check out the facility. do his drug and alcohol evaluation. and then we'll go from there. i really hope he sticks with it. this means more to me than ANYTHING we could have.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
That is great news, but Im sure you are feelings are all over the place after waiting for so long. My husband went in rehab only a few weeks ago and its still emotional for me. So much hope and fear too. My husband got afraid right before he went in, so stay strong and be encouraging & I hope he decides to do it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 36
thank you both so much.
in the end, all i want is for him to be happy and healthy...and on the path he is meant to be on.
i will be the same rock of support that i have been this entire time, constantly encouraging him for better in his life. I know he can do this. he's been through so much more that this seems small to some people.
but to me...its huge.
i really hope things will work out. i don't want to get my hopes up right now, because i need to be realistic. as soon as i get him checked in, i will be signing my forms for my own therapy. Being the collateral damage in this sort of situation is damaging as well.
i feel like i should be breathing a sigh of relief. but i'm so wound up. my nerves are on end. its going to get better. it has to.
in the end, all i want is for him to be happy and healthy...and on the path he is meant to be on.
i will be the same rock of support that i have been this entire time, constantly encouraging him for better in his life. I know he can do this. he's been through so much more that this seems small to some people.
but to me...its huge.
i really hope things will work out. i don't want to get my hopes up right now, because i need to be realistic. as soon as i get him checked in, i will be signing my forms for my own therapy. Being the collateral damage in this sort of situation is damaging as well.
i feel like i should be breathing a sigh of relief. but i'm so wound up. my nerves are on end. its going to get better. it has to.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 36
okay,
so last night he was back to the "i can do this on my own" thing.
we set up a time to do the drug and alcohol evaluation on saturday, so he can finish the work week out. we were talking about it, and he started to freak out a little.
"I don't need any help. all i need is a place to do my detox, and then i can go on my own way. i don't need a friggin rainbow circle and people patting me on the back. i don't need any of that crap."
sadly, i don't think he understand what kind of life changes need to happen here.
maybe i should be happy he is going for the detox. but, i just don't think that is going to be enough.
so last night he was back to the "i can do this on my own" thing.
we set up a time to do the drug and alcohol evaluation on saturday, so he can finish the work week out. we were talking about it, and he started to freak out a little.
"I don't need any help. all i need is a place to do my detox, and then i can go on my own way. i don't need a friggin rainbow circle and people patting me on the back. i don't need any of that crap."
sadly, i don't think he understand what kind of life changes need to happen here.
maybe i should be happy he is going for the detox. but, i just don't think that is going to be enough.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 180
Sending knee mail for you.
Three weeks ago my AH said he was willing to go for help, we were away on a camping trip. By the time we got home, he didn't want help anymore, and he says he wants to "do it my way".
Keep your head up, it is reason for hope that he will get back to the same way of thinking, that he needs help.
I can't offer you any advice, what to do or say, but tell me if you figure it out and I'll do whatever works!
Three weeks ago my AH said he was willing to go for help, we were away on a camping trip. By the time we got home, he didn't want help anymore, and he says he wants to "do it my way".
Keep your head up, it is reason for hope that he will get back to the same way of thinking, that he needs help.
I can't offer you any advice, what to do or say, but tell me if you figure it out and I'll do whatever works!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 36
well.
is this where i should be really upset, mad, or just devastated? i just got a call from a dear friend who had helped out when the SO would run short during his prescription. he has received 3 texts from the SO with "please help me" "they are making me go to rehab" "i just want one last good run"
problem is, its been 11 days since he refilled his oxycontin. meaning, he's had 11 days to eat up 60 pills. 30mg a pill. he refuses to let me count, figuring he's just going balls to the wall until he gets "forced" into rehab.
i'm not forcing him. he came to me.
his job gave him a choice. he gave them the answer of rehab.
from the way i see it...this is a bad omen for starting rehab. he'll never make it at this rate.
do i confront him tonight with this? do i tell him that this person called me?
i just want to cry.
is this where i should be really upset, mad, or just devastated? i just got a call from a dear friend who had helped out when the SO would run short during his prescription. he has received 3 texts from the SO with "please help me" "they are making me go to rehab" "i just want one last good run"
problem is, its been 11 days since he refilled his oxycontin. meaning, he's had 11 days to eat up 60 pills. 30mg a pill. he refuses to let me count, figuring he's just going balls to the wall until he gets "forced" into rehab.
i'm not forcing him. he came to me.
his job gave him a choice. he gave them the answer of rehab.
from the way i see it...this is a bad omen for starting rehab. he'll never make it at this rate.
do i confront him tonight with this? do i tell him that this person called me?
i just want to cry.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
I think I would try to cut the "mad, upset, devastated" feelings with knowledge this is coming from someone who is about to jump off a cliff ( going to rehab ) and knows he has to give up the drugs ( and he's afraid of life without them ) so he wants to use them while he can. His brain is all messed up right now.
My husband was in the hospital after going missing and ended up in critical care for a serious infection. He kept saying he knew he needed help and agreed to rehab, but then he changed his tune and he thought he would be ok coming home and going to outpatient or something less intensive. All while the doctors were saying 30 days in rehab is not even going to be enough. He told me I was not on his side, and I didnt care about his feelings, and some other stuff meant to hurt me and make me say ok, your right, come home and it will all be ok.
I would tell him that his friend ratted him out to you, and you know he wants pills, and whats up with telling people he is being forced into rehab. But know that anything he says is sort of coming from a place like a little kid who is trying to figure out how to get what he wants, and his reasons probably wont be logical at all.
Its good his employer is involved, my husbands employer also told him that he cant come back to work until he finishes rehab. I have had to remind him of that just last week while in rehab because he threatened to leave.
Stay strong and dont let him press all the emotional buttons.
My husband was in the hospital after going missing and ended up in critical care for a serious infection. He kept saying he knew he needed help and agreed to rehab, but then he changed his tune and he thought he would be ok coming home and going to outpatient or something less intensive. All while the doctors were saying 30 days in rehab is not even going to be enough. He told me I was not on his side, and I didnt care about his feelings, and some other stuff meant to hurt me and make me say ok, your right, come home and it will all be ok.
I would tell him that his friend ratted him out to you, and you know he wants pills, and whats up with telling people he is being forced into rehab. But know that anything he says is sort of coming from a place like a little kid who is trying to figure out how to get what he wants, and his reasons probably wont be logical at all.
Its good his employer is involved, my husbands employer also told him that he cant come back to work until he finishes rehab. I have had to remind him of that just last week while in rehab because he threatened to leave.
Stay strong and dont let him press all the emotional buttons.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
For me that sounds like the bachelor party mentality. One last hoorah before settling down. I went through this earlier this summer. It is not ok, or a good thing.
How are you handling it? What are you doing for you?
How are you handling it? What are you doing for you?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by msjeckyll 
I hit the craft store. I have plenty to keep me busy.
He checks in tomorrow morning. I will post more tomorrow night once I get settled back in at home.
Step one. I have hope.
He checks in tomorrow morning. I will post more tomorrow night once I get settled back in at home.
Step one.
I have hope.Yay - another crafter' on the family forum. I will resist asking what you bought
Hope all goes well in the morning.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by msjeckyll
I hit the craft store. I have plenty to keep me busy.
He checks in tomorrow morning. I will post more tomorrow night once I get settled back in at home.
Step one. I have hope.
He checks in tomorrow morning. I will post more tomorrow night once I get settled back in at home.
Step one.
I have hope.What did you get? I really like to crochet and knit. I have never been very good at scrapbooking.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am sorry he didn't see this through and sorry you hurt.
Sadly, we codies learn to watch actions and disregard words. Even when the intentions are good and active addict cannot keep promises to themselves, let alone us. Actions tell all, words are just words unless they follow through.
I hope you can find your own peace with all this. I learned that I cannot live in the problem, my son's addiction, and live in the solution, my recovery, at the same time. It simply wasn't possible. So I gave my son's recovery to God's care and set myself free.
Hugs
Sadly, we codies learn to watch actions and disregard words. Even when the intentions are good and active addict cannot keep promises to themselves, let alone us. Actions tell all, words are just words unless they follow through.
I hope you can find your own peace with all this. I learned that I cannot live in the problem, my son's addiction, and live in the solution, my recovery, at the same time. It simply wasn't possible. So I gave my son's recovery to God's care and set myself free.
Hugs
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