Today's a tough day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 35
Today's a tough day.
I still can't stop blaming myself for his death. If I had been there to stop him from shooting up, he'd still be here with me. He didn't want me to leave, but I was too ******* stubborn to stay. I wish our last conversation would not have been an argument. My heart is completely broken.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Tattoo, you couldn't stop him from shooting up any more than I can stop my son from using. It's just beyond our power.
I am so sorry for your sadness and pain, this must be terribly difficult for you and my prayers go out for you to find comfort in the days ahead.
Hugs
I am so sorry for your sadness and pain, this must be terribly difficult for you and my prayers go out for you to find comfort in the days ahead.
Hugs
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Oh Tattoo, I am so sorry fr your pain. If you were there to stop him from shooting up that day, he probably would have died the next.
Have you tried having a different last conversation with him? Have you tried to sit in a still place and have a conversation with him in your mind? You can tell him that you are sorry. I believe he will know about this and this can be the conversation you remember.
Have you tried having a different last conversation with him? Have you tried to sit in a still place and have a conversation with him in your mind? You can tell him that you are sorry. I believe he will know about this and this can be the conversation you remember.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Not a single thing we could have done would
have changed the outcome. We decide for ourselves,
not others.
We can give them love, cheerleading , and hope.
But they and they alone must navigate the overwater
track that is addiction. Giving them the best charts and
equipment will not do their job for them.
For you to accept any responsibility for their outcome
is ( with all due respect) just wrong.
That there was nothing you could do ...is the plain and
simple truth.
have changed the outcome. We decide for ourselves,
not others.
We can give them love, cheerleading , and hope.
But they and they alone must navigate the overwater
track that is addiction. Giving them the best charts and
equipment will not do their job for them.
For you to accept any responsibility for their outcome
is ( with all due respect) just wrong.
That there was nothing you could do ...is the plain and
simple truth.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 40
Tattoo, I am really sorry for your loss. It is understandable that right now among all the pain, you also feel some kind of guilt and responsability.
But the hard truth is, like everybody mentioned before me, we take our own decisions and that even if we tried very hard, at the end there is nothing that we could have done for our addicted loved ones, that they are the ones that have to choose. He would have found ways to do it, even if you were there all the time.
If our love and best actions would stop our loved ones from the addictions, there wouldn't be that many in the world. Sometimes we delude ourselves into thinking that there is something we could do to put some sense into their minds and make them stop, but as heartbreaking as it is, there is nothing in our power to control them.
My prayers go to you so the pain gets less with time. Hugs.
But the hard truth is, like everybody mentioned before me, we take our own decisions and that even if we tried very hard, at the end there is nothing that we could have done for our addicted loved ones, that they are the ones that have to choose. He would have found ways to do it, even if you were there all the time.
If our love and best actions would stop our loved ones from the addictions, there wouldn't be that many in the world. Sometimes we delude ourselves into thinking that there is something we could do to put some sense into their minds and make them stop, but as heartbreaking as it is, there is nothing in our power to control them.
My prayers go to you so the pain gets less with time. Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Hi Tattoo, I'm so sorry for your pain. I have read there are 7 stages of grief. I know I won't remember all of them but they include denial, anger, acceptance, forgiveness among others. After my dad passed away (at only 48 from leukemia) I read a great book called "how to survive the loss of a loved one". It was so helpful for me to be aware of these stages...I wasn't caught off guard by them and I absolutely recognized each stage. There was a great section on survivors guilt. I've bought and given away countless copies of this book over the years. I wish I could buy one for you. Perhaps you can find it. I would mail you one if you were comfortable sharing your address..pm me if so. Otherwise just remember to be gentle with yourself. The sad truth is your boyfriend took it too far. Perhaps God recognized this is one he needed to save...now. self inflicted guilt will continue to hurt you until you acknowledge it and take steps to recover. You have a full life ahead of you. Honor him by living out loud. Doing all the things you would have loved to do with him. Volunteer for a shelter or another charity. A friend of mine who lost her husband at a young age signed up to ride her bicycle across country as a fundraiser for prostate cancer. I thought she'd lost her dang mind. But she did it!! She blogged the entire way and said she healed one pedal stroke at a time. When she dunked her tire in Boston Harbor she said she felt renewed. My point is this....there are proactive ways to tackle grief. You will get through this...one day at a time. Thinking of you and sending continued prayers for strength for you. Big hug...
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