lalanique

I am lost in my mission to keep my children safe. My ex husband has just started a journey into recovery from opiates. When we first divorced it was a cocaine addiction that I couldn't prove to the courts and he was awarded joint custody. Now I'm finding out it has been a $400 a day oxy habit that he has been supporting through illegal activities. I am trying to be encouraging and I am glad he is taking the beginning steps into recovery. My biggest concern is what is right for our 4 & 5 year old children. He has been in a sober house for one week after 7 days in detox. He wants me to bring the kids to visit him at his new home. I don't know if it is a good idea this soon... if at all.

Ann

A sober house is a better environment (for children) than rehab, more like a home.

Your children are very young. You get to decide what might be helpful to them and what might not. Maybe a little more time clean and in recovery might help lesson your concerns?

It must be hard for you, my heart goes out for you and your children.

Hugs

lalanique

Yes it does seem that maybe we all need a little more time. I guess I am still processing it all. Thank you Ann

allforcnm

Maybe you would feel better if you could visit him alone at the house he is staying at. That way you could judge the surroundings, and also see how he is doing at this point in his recovery.

I took my son to visit my husband when he was in a 3 month rehab, but he was only an infant at the time. He is almost 2 now, and I would do it again at this point. But all kids are different, and of course their respective ages count for a lot. When I took my son, it was really for my husbands benefit. He adored him, and wanted to be able to bond with him, watch him grow, and he said it also gave him incentive to work on himself because he wanted to be a good father.

My husband has to travel for work sometimes now, and my son always want to know where his daddy is. I know at certain ages it helps kids to have a visual on where daddy is, where grandma lives, etc. I would think about that also.

Something we do that's probably not a full solution, but might help - we use Skype when he travels. My son gets a kick out of seeing his dad on the screen and it usually does the trick in making him feel close to his dad. We do it with his grandparents too sometimes when he wants to go to their house, but we aren't able to go at that exact moment. LOL

Really great your husband is getting help; prayers going up for all of you.

KariSue

If you will be staying there during the visit, it would probably be okay. Alone? I don't think I would. Or if there is some trusted person like an aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc. that would be there the whole time then I would probably say okay.

Kari